The Clipboard

I am my job

2012-01-06T11:31:00.002-05:00

I had an aha moment yesterday when, in conversation with a few of my new colleagues, I was describing how it came to be that I left public education and came to work at my new job. And I found myself saying, this is me- it is who I am. The words just came out of my mouth and then I realized how powerful those words were.

For most, if not all, of my years in public education, I loved my students and I loved teaching, but I was considered a bit of a rebel, a renegade, because I taught from a philosophy and belief system that truly honored the individual child, situation, and circumstance unique to each learner. Yet, public education is all about conforming, and everyone receiving the same education experience. So for years I would teach, and think and believe, and hope that I could make a difference in the lives of individuals and I have no doubt that I did make a difference, but I grew tired- bone weary, really, and felt my life slipping away. Every day was an internal struggle, a fight, a battle against a seemingly insurmountable foe. Apparently I was getting pretty cranky.

And so now here I am, working for a company that truly values individuals, their health and well being; and, ironically, they value teachers and education by doing, not by saying. They live their mission. Don't get me wrong, there is still the battle of good vs evil, and I will take up my fight for the good, but I will be able to do it standing with my colleagues and my leaders, who are of the same vision and purpose. I used to say your job is what you do, not who you are. Today I can truly say, I am my job.

New Year, New Gig

2012-01-03T07:29:00.003-05:00

Happy New Year! It has been almost a year since I have posted to this blog, and there is something to be said for making your self so crazy-busy you have no time to write, or breathe, or take care of yourself. But I am back.

In November I started a new adventure in Instructional Design for a local, very well known publishing company, and although it has only been 6 weeks, I find myself with time to think and wonder and explore again-as well as write. I have decided to keep this blog, but to write shorter posts, more often. I also have an Education-Technology Blog over at Edublogs: http://mrsbrophy.edublogs.com and I will be starting a new blog with quick, "How-To" posts for folks that just want to know, "How'd you do that?"

So there will be time for posting personal, fun stories-and yes I am still losing things, forgetting things, and plan to do more traveling, so that should be fun-as well as requiring the occasional need to vent without offending too many people. This will be the place for those posts.

If you want to hear how technology can and will change education for all learners, then head on over to Over The Tech Edge, and if you want to see what is coming next, well, you will have to check back in a day or two as I roll out my new blog.

Where else can you find me?

I am on

Twitter: @brophycat

Diigo: cebrophy

Flickr: cebrophy

Linkedin: Catheirne Brophy

Skype: Catherine

Time Flies

2011-02-17T20:07:00.003-05:00

Apparently, I have had nothing to say in the last 1o months. If you know me, you know that is not true. It has been a typical year-one that I will run through in abbreviated fashion beginning with the last post in April.

In May a new grandson, Logan John , was born into the world. What a cutie-probably the cutest baby yet. Or maybe my eyes are getting old. Then Memorial weekend, my mom moved in with me for the summer. We spent the weekend packing, moving, unpacking and sweating.

In June we took a trip to California and volunteered at the US Open at Pebble Beach. We flew into Vegas for an overnight-it was gray and drizzly and cool, I had a wicked cold, and we almost crashed the nude pool for lunch. But we were dressed. We were hungry, I wanted a drink, and the outside lounge called BARE looked cool. So there we were at the Mirage, and I was sick. I barely remember wandering the streets looking at hotels, but what I do remember was the big shiny ad for the iPad. We had an awesome dinner and ate some gigantic crab legs and steak, and then flew to San Jose the next day to meet up with an old prom date I hadn't seen in 35 years.

THAT was interesting. Anyone who texts you as soon as your plane lands, and waits in the rental car parking lot is a stalker, and probably has issues. It was even more obvious when he announced he was driving a silver Porsche. Really? After taking us into town for lunch and grabbing the only free parking spot on the street, we order lunch, wine, appetizers; and he and his wife wait for us to pick up the tab. "Why don't we split it?" Super. And they took the leftovers. I hope I gave him my cold.

On to Pebble Beach-our 30th anniversary, and a trip of a lifetime. I was sick with a fever by now, and the temperature never got above 60, with a damp breeze off the ocean. 7Am on the second tee box meant we had to get up at 5am. We did get to see the Golden Gate Bridge, Fisherman's Wharf and the garlic capitol of the world. Oh, and Monterey was lovely. By Thursday, I was sick of wearing my underarmour, shirt, vest AND jacket, every day. And I was also sick of rude spectators who don't think the rules apply to them. And Tiger Woods is an ass. Just sayin.

5 days later I was on a plane to Denver for 5 days to ISTE. Thank goodness my friend Ginny managed to break me out of the city our last day there, and we got to go watch rock climbing overlooking the Coors Brewing Factory in Golden.

In July , in order to prevent a surprise birthday party from being thrown by my kids at my house, I told them I wanted to go to dinner for my birthday. The outdoor stoves would have been cool at the Beach Fire, but it was 95 degrees out that night. They ordered a ton of food-none of which I ate, and they made me wear a crown and sing Sweet Caroline for the gang. And my brother showed up with my good friend as his date. A fun and awkward night was had by all.

The month of July I spent working-I hosted 3 weeks of technology workshops for over 60 teachers; a total of 700 hours or something ridiculous, and then it was August.

I don't remember much of August, I think it was good. Then I went back to work and it was September. And then October, which was a sad month.

Back and forth to Florida a couple times to say good bye to my mother in law who passed away Oct 10. And then it was November, December, and January.

Now it is February, and it feels like that was a lot to have happen in a few short months. No wonder I am tired. It has been too long since I have written, and so the story isn't quite as entertaining as it could have been, but I'm back. I will have more road adventures, travel woes, and experiences to write about, but that's all for now.

Sunday Funday

2010-04-19T06:54:00.006-04:00

I really was not looking forward to an April game at Fenway Park, even though I love going into Boston, especially to see New England's favorite baseball team-the Boston Red Sox! But an April game? In spite of the fact tickets from the box office are nearly impossible to secure, my husband managed to snag 2 tickets to the Sunday afternoon Patriot's weekend game.

Friday and Saturday were cold and rainy, and Sunday dawned rainy, too. It snowed up North, and there were signs of sleet and freezing rain occasionally. Oh, this ought to be lots of fun!

After checking the NOAA radar, it appeared the bulk of the rain would be heading out in or around the 1:35 game time. So we put on our Under Armour, our sweatshirts and grabbed waterproof rain gear, grabbed a sandwich, and some cash, and off we went.

"Do you have the tickets? Do you know where they are?"

"I know they're down the third baseline, that s all I remember."

As we drove south, it poured, but as we approached the city-the sun was peeking through the clouds. Great. I brought plenty of rain gear, but no shades.Over the Tobin, down Storrow Drive, and as we drove along the Charles, the cherry blossoms and azaleas were in nearly full bloom. Since when does Boston look this great Patriot's weekend?

It was kind of trafficky, and there were plenty of people out and about. That's right-the Boston Marathon is Monday! My excitement was building.We parked the truck and made our way to Yawkey Way. Tickets swiped, we went in and started looking first for the restroom, then for a beer, then for our section.

"Right up here!" As we came out into the open, the ground crew was laying the rain tarp-pouring again.

"See those umbrellas down there? That' sour section."

"Way down there? Like right down there?"

"We are in row 5."

"Hope they don't keep those umbrella's up during the game!"

So we stood under cover, drinking our beer and waited for the rain shower to blow over.

I can't believe people actually pay money for SRO (Standing Room Only) tickets to watch the game from behind that white line? Who does that? And I bet they really don't stay there.

Thirty minutes later, the rain stopped, the grounscrew folded up the tarp (not once, but twice because they needed a do-over.) And we made our way down toward the field-closer and closer and closer-5 rows from the field. Of course we had no camera but for the camera on the Razor phone.

Here are my observations:

Evan Longoria is really good looking
Jon Lester has a potty mouth
The On Deck Circle is for looks only-it is way too close to the third baseline for anyone to actually stand there and take their chances
Bud light is not really beer- I don't know what it is-but you know that song about Dirty Water?
The vendors actually start at row number 1-every time. They jog all the way down and start at 1. Seriously.
the first 2 rows are corporate rows-they get a server who takes their order.
People who actually pay for those seats (not the losers who scurry down late in the game to sit in vacant seats) are actually very nice, respectful, but fun people.
Jason Varitek received the largest applause every time he did anything
The elderly Event Manager we chatted with had been waiting for Sunday's "Sweet Caroline" all weekend-which meant he would soon get to go home!
PD's RBI to get the Sox on the board in the bottom of the 9th was received with a standing O. Fans just looking for a chance to cheer
I didn't miss the high school/college mentality that joined our section in the 8th inning to jeer and poke fun at the opposing team who was kicking our butt-giggling like girls

Overall-the BEST seats we've ever scored at any ballpark, ever. So in spite of the fact the Sox lost, it was a fun day. Except for the Bud Light. yuck.

Awkward Moments

2009-12-27T15:28:00.004-05:00

I am feeling a bit like maybe I forgot to shower today-except I didn't-but so far my interactions with strangers and former co-workers have left me feeling like I should just stay in front of my television in my sweats and not venture outside.

Naively, I am excited to see people I used to work with, or people I once knew-in any capacity. I usually make the assumption they will be happy to see me. But just as quickly that excitement turns to confusion when I get a cool response and a "well, then have a nice day." Which usually comes right after they ask me a few questions about my family and my job. Did I say something wrong? Or do people really not care what you are doing in your life-they are just being polite and want to be on their way. Unfortunately, I take it personally, and then spend the next several hours reflecting on what I said or did in my past that might be causing them to react in the way they do.

Awkward moment. I was so uncomfortably shy growing up, until I got to know someone fairly well. But then once I got to know them, I thought everyone was my friend. I still feel that way. my husband reminds me that most people are not your friends-and now I am beginning to believe him and it makes me sad. Were they ever my friends? Or were they just being themselves-here today, gone tomorrow; out of sight out of mind.

I pride myself in my loyalty-but sometimes that i s to a fault. It is sometimes difficult to let go and admit that when I randomly come across folks I used to be friends with, not everyone thinks of me the same way. They are nosy, sometimes curious-but only so they can go back and report to their "real" friends.

In spite of the awkward moments that might ensue-I will not ignore people who I used to know. That is who I am. If they do not respond to my cheery "Hello, how have you been?" Then maybe they have not been very well and they choose not to share. I do find it interesting that I do not hear from many of my friends unless I contact them.

I was watching the very cheesy movie "He's Just Not that Into You" last night, and maybe I should take a clue from the movie and move on. My real friends know who they are. I think.

2 Years of Blogging

2009-12-23T06:22:00.004-05:00

But it is my third December blogging-although the frequency has certainly diminished, now that I can express myself in 140 characters or less, but the blog still reigns supreme. So here's what' new!

I use iGoogle to keep the blogs I follow organized-I have a page of Technology blogs I follow and a page of general news type blogs as well. It is one of the first things i do in the morning-whereas I used to read the newspaper, now I check Tweetdeck, iGoogle, THEN my email from my Blackberry. It's all about efficiency. Of course it is also about selecting which news to read-customizing the content that is delivered to my desktop electronically.

This year my daughter inspired me to organize my photos. Of course she uses Snapfish, I just organized mine into folders on my hard drive. I also am proud to say for the first time ever I created a photo Christmas card-something I have been wanting to do, well, since my kids were little-now I have grandkids. Sometimes it takes me a while to actually get around to doing stuff.

We have colored lights on our tree. All those years of matchy-matchy lights and decorations. The colored lights are quite nice, and we finally figured out how to put the tree in the stand so it doesn't topple over.

I have been working with a personal trainer for a year. Yesterday during my session we reviewed the year. I have gained weight. BUT-I am Advil free and able to deadlift a whole bunch of weight and my back and shoulders and neck feel great. It's hard not to step on the scales and get that sinking feeling. And the bowl of Lindt truffles next to the computer doesn't help.

I will finish with a quote from one of my tweeps:

"Your Lifeforce is tangible albeit fleeting in the face of time. However, our immortality lies in the progression of sharing, not harboring."

And so I share with you whoever you are. Happy season of light and darkness, of winter and solstice. Cheers!

Happy Monday

2009-11-30T06:33:00.002-05:00

Welcome to the last day of November. The day matches my mood-gray, somber and uncertain. It is a tired day-having gone out with a gusto. It is the changing of the seasons..as we are about to head into winter I feel the need to reflect. I keep coming back to "what is the one goal you are going to accomplish today?" and I cannot seem to whittle it down from 10. Hence my problem. Lately the demands on my time have been all consuming-to the point where I feel as though I am not able to give 120% and be effective at any 1 task. If you divide 120 by 10 you get 12-12 %. That about sums it up.

My glasses broke yesterday-and I did not get to Lenscrafters because the day was so crazy-can they be fixed and on my face before I leave the house tomorrow? Because I won't be back until Sunday...
2 Christa McAuliffe presentations-co presentations, actually-but who volunteered to do the slide shows? Yes, me.
Trip to Florida- had to be rebooked because I FORGOT I would be presenting at the conference-so now the trip is barely 2 days long.
Holidays- yep, I cooked 2 Thanksgiving dinners 5 days apart.
Family- daughter lives in Texas and is getting married in April-at least 2 more trips to Houston pending...
Do you have any plans to come West? To Encinitas....ummmmm, nothing in stone, yet...
What about the 1 day Neo2 training in NOLA? Anyone want to go?
Oh, and the Biggest Loser Team challenge- I am the team member that is gaining weight. "Why are you so cranky?" My husband wants to know. Lack of chocolate, sweets and carbs will do that.

Those are a few of the thoughts rolling around in my head this morning, and we haven't even started the day.

No wonder I had the re-occurring dream where I am in a car climbing a hill that goes straight up and never seems to end. Why doesn't the car flip over on its back as we try to climb? How will the car ever make it? It always does.

I think I will try to focus on 3 only things today-I already know 3 will double to 6 before I leave the house. 20 % is not good enough.

Remembering my own Advice

2009-11-14T07:18:00.003-05:00

Baby steps. My favorite blog: Zen Habits-if I make a habit of reading it it keeps m grounded and focused on what really matters. Yesterday was Friday the 13th. That would explain a lot,except I didn't realize it was the unlucky day until 4pm while I was working the arc trainer at the gym, watching Oprah get ready to hand out 250 k to some lucky karaoke singer.

I didn't realize it when I was going over the finer details of the 10 thousand dollar tech grant I wrote and won for our tiny duck tape district-money that will surely make a difference for 3 out of 14 of their teachers.

I didn't realize it was the unlucky day while chatting with a colleague who finally, for real, freed me from the shackle and chains aka "the website".

I didn't realize it when, in my exhilaration over no longer feeling the website was my responsibly (which he shared with my boss(es) I stepped into a classroom of 3rd graders with laptops out and they spontaneously cheered when I walked through the door.

Nope. It was a pretty lucky day for me. Friday the 13th or not-it started out poorly, but luck had nothing to do with it. I did what I had to do to turn it around and make it a pretty lucky day.

So do what I did- read the blog, and make your life more productive and meaningful.

The Need to Be Inspired

2009-11-10T17:05:00.002-05:00

No, I still have not had the time nor the energy to start a second blog. Today was an uninspiring day, filled with people totally absorbed in what they were doing. At the end of the day, everyone left, and no one said good bye. There are days like these, every now and then, when I find myself stuck again. There are days like today when my job seems immense and I feel tired-and I do not want the challenge. I don't know where to begin. Who gets priority? Who do I go to first? I wish there were 3 of me. Instead of everyone getting their fair share, everybody gets a little tiny scrap-and then I disappear. Things take too long to happen, problems are systemic, and we are still fixing the system. Except the end user doesn't see that-they just see their point on the spectrum. I can see the big picture, and it sometimes feels too big. It would be so much easier to throw equipment and toys at teaches and say "go teach-knock yourselves out!" Except it is ultimately not about the tech and the toys-it is about the teaching, and how the technology affects and influences the learning, when used the right way. And that seems very far away.

I am stuck between the rock and the hard place-not really on a team, except when it's convenient. I shouldn't complain, except on days like this when I have so many projects and things waiting for the magic touch..but no one to create with, the day just passes me by. I don't like that feeling. If I were to stop-which I am doing right now-and truly reflect on the small successes and importance of the tiny things, I would recognize that I did help a few people with things that mattered to them today. I did manage to get to the gym, to go running this morning, and to accomplish some seemingly small tasks. In the scheme of things, today was not up there on a list of days to remember.

I will have to take the day off tomorrow and reflect on the plan. There is a plan, and it is a good one. I will try no to let an ordinary day get the best of me-and try to remember what is extraordinary about it. And I will try to be patient-goal oriented and focused. Maybe it's time to move out of the copy room to a quiet zen-like space, or some other less public and distracting space. I will work on that .

Time to Split

2009-11-01T06:57:00.002-05:00

I have decided to start a second blog dedicated to education and technology. The time has come. I have a lot to say-as usual, but no place to say it. And I do not have people to talk to on a daily basis that "get it." My PLN also known as my Personal Learning Network-the new buzz phrase in education-consists of educators in the UK, Kentucky, Nebraska, California, New York, Thailand, Australia, the Netherlands, Virginia, Texas, Minnesota, Missouri, Florida, Georgia and the list goes on. I think there are a lot of teachers out there that have a lot to say and no one to listen and share with-seems I have found a few of them. there are thousands more like me.

That alone is an interesting commentary on education-and my philosophy. I have been asked questions like, "Why do you use Twitter?" and, "Why should teachers and administrators blog?"
Well, it is a form of journaling-but with an audience an an intended purpose. We all have the potential and ability to be an author. Writing and publishing is no longer reserved for the relatively few who have access to publishers and editors. If you have access to a computer with Internet-wait-let me take that back-if you have access to a 199 dollar ipod touch-you can be a published author. Well, you need free wi-fi, too.

If you have something to say-say it. Tweet it, blog it, post it, comment on it-put it in Worlde, create a Glog, share it, upload it-but do not sit and watch the connected world pass you by.

I am now un-stuck. My door is open and the possibilities created by creating my PLN are endless. You are what you write. And writing is a craft that must be practiced. With the birth of the Internet, however, writing and sharing and communicating have become so much more dynamic. It is no longer acceptable to be a passive consumer of knowledge and information. We must now also participate in some fashion-and be able to create and share or forward information to others.

In school this used to be called class participation. You must participate in your own learning. Read, comment, ask questions, and respond to others. Debate, share, dialogue and discuss. Write.

Time to get back to writing more than 140 characters

2009-10-06T06:32:00.002-04:00

Twitter has taken over my writing time-but with a limited audience (@brophycat) and only 140 characters at a time-there is no real opportunity to spew forth lengthy commentary on life. And it has been a couple months, so now it's time to put it down on paper so I can start fresh. Maybe it' s the change of seasons? Or the lack of summer? But as inspired as I feel, I also feel drained...like I need a break. But there will be no break on paper, anyways, until November.

So here's what's happening, and here are the questions that have been hangin' out for a couple months:

Every day I commute to work and it is a lovely ride over the bridge, over the bay, heading North. As I listen to the traffic update, they give the same report every day: "There is a slight delay heading south over the bridge"...ummm no delay have I ever seen-not at 8am. Do you think it's a pre-recorded update? It's supposed to be a live update. Yesterday as I went through the tollbooth to get on the highway heading North-traffic was backed up to the booth and crawling.due to offramp construction. What do you think the live traffic update said? That' s right...'No travel delays this morning, looking good."

I want to have some control over my life at work..well I have control, but not the kind of technical control I would really like. I may need to stage a coup. But I do not want to be a tattletale. I have spent a year developing and nurturing relationships and some clear personalities have emerged. One negative, and stuck, the other positive and visionary, but hampered by the possibilities of his own dreams. I am at their mercy..for now...but as time goes on, I find myself taking over more and more of what they are supposed to be doing, yet my job description and pay remain the same-and will always remain the same.

Why is David Letterman being seen as an okay guy when he was a jackass...just because he's funny? I bet his wife doesn't think he's so funny...

Why does it seem like the days are shorter and I am busier..am I really busier or is it just taking me longer to do the things I need and want to do? Time to check out David Allen's GTD. What is that all about?
http://www.davidco.com/index.php

I went to Houston to visit my daughter ad it was lovely and warm and summery, that was nice, but what is with all the power lines? And what is the best local fish? We were at the coast and nobody knew...what do you order for fish in Houston? I think you don't..I think you order beef or barbecue-with a Shiner.

So Twitter has proven to be fun, economical, efficient, and engaging. I have met more Tech teachers and professionals that can motivate, inspire and share than I can handle-almost. I have finally returned to learning at least one new thing every day. Maybe it's all the new stuff-and the potential of technology in education that is making me crazy. I said to a friend on Facebook the other day- I wish I had a crystal ball. But I don't. All I can do is inspire teachers to be the best teachers they can be whether or not they have the most up to date technology and equipment. Technology makes it nicer and easier, but it really is about 21st century teaching...

So that' s what' s up with Twitter-it has ramped things up. I now have friends in England, Thailand, Australia, NY, Kentucky, Colorado, San Diego, Connecticut and Idaho. And a hundred other places. Like @geobart in Denmark. It has also taken time away form writing more than 140 characters at a time.

I feel better now that I have fessed up and put it down on virtual paper. Time to head to work now-through the bottle necked toll booth and across the bridge where there is no delay. Maybe I will take an alternate route.

August Adventures

2009-08-12T19:24:00.004-04:00

I am sitting in a hotel room two thirds of the way through a Microsoft Teacher Education 3 day workshop. So far I give the experience a B. It is kinda cool hanging out on the 6th floor of the Microsoft training facility-all green and orange and red-I promise to take a picture of the server room before I leave- So far the best part of the workshop has been connecting with the head of education marketing (well, he's probably not the head of marketing-but he is in the marketing department.)

It is a small group of teachers form Maine, Massachusetts and NH-and every one of us is committed to helping other teachers discover ways to engage students and using technology to do it.

Some observations. It is really quiet-carpeted hallways, dimly lit, lined with classrooms filled with laptops. The sign is obscure-tiny letters, no real signage once you enter the building, except for standing signs directing us to the West Elevators.

Laptops have been rented and images loaded-tech support has been contracted-a young man sits at his laptop, bored to tears, waiting for something to break. The Internet connection has been slow and there have been some server issues (but it looks so nice behind the glass wall!)

There has been interesting conversation-differences of opinion-different ways of doing business. The Microsoft teacher trainers have been engaging, interested and sincere in their desire to make things better for teachers. But they have a long way to go. Microsoft is no longer the Prom Queen. They are not the Yankees. They are not Goliath any more-and it is increasingly obvious they face stiff competition from all sides. But competition is good for everyone, and we are hoping it will be good for education.

We can only hope. Tomorrow we spend the morning creating an action plan-for the future. How will we use what we learned to impact education for kids? My thoughts were reinforced once again-that it is not about the technology-it is about the teaching. Great technology is not going to make great teaching. But great teaching will be impacted exponentially by the use of great technology. But in order to be great-it must be easy to access, easy to use, and able to be seamlessly integrated into those great lessons.

Lost

2009-07-18T08:14:00.002-04:00

Not the television show. Maps are good, but only if you look at them. A GPS is good if you have one, and Google Maps is good if you believe it and can follow directions. Looking back at the route I took to get from Somersworth to Concord, it is easy to see where I went wrong.

I thought Concord was north. more north than it was. So I traveled west, then north and ended up way north of Concord. From Rochester I followed 202A into Strafford-lovely country, not many houses. I got concerned when I started going up a mountain and there were hills around me. Concord is flat. I thought to myself- if I am climbing, I am somehow going to have to get back down again-which could take awhile. So I'll take a left-head west-and cut through the hills.

I had my trusted Blackberry with Google Mobile Maps, and it is like a GPS. Open the app and it picks up your location-then you type in an end point and get directions. Except the street (.2 miles ahead on the left)it told me to take was nowhere to be found. That' s okay, I kept driving, knowing I had traveled further than two tenths of a mile. Should I take Bow Village Road? How about the next left? So up I continued to climb, taking the next left. I was confident my left hand turn would lead me to some main road,like route 202 or rout 4 or route 9.

A mile later I was travelling into a densley wooded area and the road turned to dirt. Hmmm....this is not a good sign. I was not immediately worried because I had a full tank of gas and I was very early, with plenty of time to get to my destination. My only fear was that after 10 minutes of driving, the road would turn out to be a dead end. But the road kept going, past fields, and trees, and farms. And the I came to a clearing and passed a large body of water on my left. Finally, the road came to an end and I needed to make a choice: left or right? I chose left-and continued winding and bumping my way along. The good news was I was no longer climbing. The bad news was I had no cell phone service. And my Google Maps changed my location, but I was so far away from Concord, I could not tell if the green blinking dot was actually moving north, south, east or west. I assumed southwest, so I kept driving.

When I came to a Boy Scout Reservation and saw cars parked I thought, "This is a good sign! Civilization!" I tried a shout out- like Cash Cab- to phone a friend for a landmark-but no service. So I kept driving. I passed another body of water on the right, and when I came to the next fork in the road, I went left again, and eventually (an hour and a half later) I found my way to route 4 in Northwood. I was quite satisfied with myself that I found my way out of the woods- although if i had been hiking, I would have been In serious trouble.

How could I have got so turned around? Looking back at Google Maps from my desktop the next day, it was easy to see where I went wrong. Be careful when you rely on GPS or Google Maps. It takes some common sense and a sense of where you are in the world to navigate shortcuts.

But as usual, I try to take the good with the bad-and I ended up seeing places I had never seen before. I am now familiar with a whole new tract of land between route 202A and Route 4. And the next time I think I know where I'm going, I will look at a map BEFORE I leave. I di dget lost a few times in DC, I just didn' t tell anybody. Darn.

Golfing in the Rain

2009-07-11T07:10:00.003-04:00

Not Singing in the Rain. I bought rain gear...just to have in my bag, just in case. But I do not golf in the rain. I am a fair weather golfer-I have a hard enough time playing well in nice conditions, why would I want to battle the elements, too? Earlier this week I had a tee time with my husband and his friend. The day dawned-not bright and sunny, but overcast and a little muggy-but not rainy. I played well in Ladie's League Monday night, so I was pumped to play well.

No more tennis elbow in my left arm, I now have it in my right arm. But nothing a little ibuprofen and brace can't help. I was looking forward to walking 18 holes of golf for the first time in over a month.(It has rained 40 days and 40 nights since the end of May, here.)

The first few holes were passable-not great, but my chipping and putting looked fabulous! The first nine holes were relatively dry-n the air anyways. Of course int he fairway we were playing puddle golf-dunk and splash. But by the time we were on the 12th hole, we were playing in the rain. It was a light drizzle to start, and we actually thought it was mist coming in off the Bay as the tide rolled in. But mist turned to drizzle, and drizzle turned to a light, wind driven rain.

"I don't play golf in the rain" I said as we headed out toward the farthest point on the course. If we walk in now we have to walk past 5 holes- we might as well keep playing. So I golfed in the rain. Slippery, wet, puddly, leaky, soaking wet feet but not freezing cold, rain. I survived, and it was not all that bad. Of course I was glad when it was over, and my score was pretty bad, but as it turned out-it was actually my low score for the week.

Two more sun drenched rounds later, I have discovered I am auditorily distracted- and as soon as the sun came out, so did the lawnmowers and tractors-en masse. Tractor traffic everywhere-following me, cutting me off, distracting me-trying to mow and mow and mow while the sun is shining and the course is drying out.

So I will golf in the rain because it is quiet. And that golf umbrella I was looking at just a day earlier when I declared-"I don't golf in the rain!" Guess what- I'm buying it.

The rain has ended, vacation has begun, kind of...

2009-07-06T07:16:00.002-04:00

I just returned from Washington, DC after attending a Technology in Education conference. It was a great time. I had the opportunity to meet people, network, and go exploring. The only thing I lost was myself-momentarily. I was surprisingly calm, unfrazzled, and relaxed. I made the conscious decision not to try to do everything and be everywhere. I gave myself permission to take time off, to clear my head, and to take risks. It was well worth it.

Here are some observations about the Capitol city itself, however, as compared to other places I've been.

The Cross Walk Game- alternating between pedestrian lights, walkers criss-cross their way throughout the city without missing a beat. Unlike New York, where people walk out into traffic, and different from NH where drivers are legally obliged to stop for pedestrians on the crosswalk-here in DC, you better get out of the way-especially for drivers turning right!

Power Dressing: Yep, I can never figure out why anyone would want to bring business suits and heels to a summer conference-but I was in the minority in my pedal pushers and cardigan. I guess the J Crew look is fine for the shore, but not for the power meeting. I will give a shout out for my birkies- I walked for miles without a foot ache or a back ache.

iphone Madness- I know it's very cool-but not everyone owns an iphone...yet. If it wasn't tied up with AT&T alot more people would have one..but it was annoying for technology presenters to make the assumption that we all had the toy. This conference was all about the iphone.

On Getting lost: 2 friends, 2 iphones, 2 friends lost-they used their app-they just couldn't read the map. iphone app vs. phone call or text or asking a stranger on the sidewalk?

Doubledecker Tour: A group of guy got on board and came up with a great idea! Serve beer! The tour guide recommended Georgetown, so they got off for a pint and caught the next tour bus that went by.

Record Number of Potties: Seriously-in preparation of July 4th? Or does the Mall always have hundreds of portable toilets lined up ready for action. I counted 2 sets of fifty. I could see several more. Yipes!

The year of the Tweet: It was all about twitter-I missed the tweet-ups where tweeters could meet each other face to face. I almost met a follower, but my tour was running late, so never happened. There were a die hard group of conference tweeters, and it was quite interesting to follow. 36 more followers during the conference...

Capitol Hill Luck: I met people I kind knew, before you knew it, we were off to Capitol Hill in a cab headed for the Library of Congress open house. There we met up with a couple of folks from Manitoba, and upon leaving (in the rain)we decided to grab a bite to eat. We wandered up the hill, and a lovely young teacher approached us and asked if we were looking for a place to eat! How fortuitous! We ended up at the Good Stuff Eatery where Michelle Obama likes her burger. What were the chances of us happening upon a personal restaurant guide on the streets of Capitol Hill at 9:00pm on a rainy Tuesday night!!

Presentation Supplies Needed: Kinkos across from the convention center was completely wiped out-my recommendation? Kinkos should stock up on presentation supplies whenever conferneces are scheduled. Who does the ordering there? You can't sell what you don't have. I woud have died for colored sticky tabs for my conference book.

Crackberry passes the test: I brought my laptop only to find that I, along with thousands of conference attendees could not connect due to a lack of IP addresses. So I ditched the laptop and used my Blackberry to connect, take notes, text and tweet. The only place it didn't work was the blogger's cafe in a world of Apple and iphones-could At & T have had something to do with that? I will continue to hold out for an iphone that does not come bundled with an AT & T contract...

So, Dc was a combination of Boston, Philly and NYC : Historical, metropolitan, multicultural, and artistic-and surprisingly inexpensive. I will go back again-but next time I will take the train and be sure to catch the Red Sox.

Things I Miss

2009-06-06T06:30:00.002-04:00

I thought about this the other day-a completely random thought, initiated by a Tim Gunn ad on my Facebook Home page. I thought to myself, "I really miss Project Runway!"
And my brain grabbed onto that thought-just as egos do, and it has been nagging at me ever since.

I look at something and think, "I really miss that..." And so I thought I would make a list and put it out there..

I do really miss Project Runway..."Make it work!"
I also miss warm, tropical breezes....Charleston, SC., Pinehurst, NC, Bermuda, Siesta Keys, FL..it is gray and gloomy here in New England- June gloom has nothing on us..it's Jan-Jun Gloom...with a smattering of sunshiny days thrown in.

Martha's Vineyard-and the Black Dog...Edgartown...The News

Hangin with my friends....more often..seems to be fewer opportunities for us to get together in one place. My former teacher friends and I made a standing dinner date once a month so we would stay in touch. That is a great idea. I try not to miss that unless I absolutely have to.

Working out with a friend-it's a lot easier to go to the gym when you're meeting someone there...

The US Open- coming up again. I can't believe I was at Torrey Pines last year- seems like forever ago...

Taking classes-going to school-weird, huh? I love teaching, but being a student makes me think harder..now I need to gear myself up to learn something new, and there's no one really to bounce ideas off of of challenge my ideas....time to look into something more perhaps?

The old Facebook- I can barely remember what it was like! But I do know I have some friends that have stopped using it..it's too random now, and I usually like random things. It doesn't feel connected anymore. Everyone's talking but nobody's listening..

Being able to eat anything that's bad for me-whenever I want- now if I eat something totally unhealthy I think twice about it and have to eat make-up food the next day.

Skiing-in the winter-I think, I would love to go skiing, but it's so much work, and who would go with me? It's kind of like golf- I don' t have enough skiing/golfing friends who can randomly take a day off and hit the slopes or the course..

Road trips- I really love road trips...

Things I Miss. After reflecting, I am glad to say I don't have material things on the list, which is interesting to me. Some things I will never get back, and others will be replaced by a whole new set of experiences. And still others make me think if I miss it so much, why not just, "Make it work!"

Tim Gunn, I really miss you...

Lost in Translation

2009-05-28T06:27:00.003-04:00

Ever wonder about translating? When you listen to someone, take in their information, make sense of it, and then try to figure out how to relay that information to others so they actually understand not only what you are saying, but the meaning and intention behind it?

I am a translator of technology speak...kind of. I suddenly realized this week that on a daily basis I bridge the world between those that are just learning the language, and those that are native to it. In a bizarre twist of fate, however, I am also a translator of education lingo. My background and formal education are in education....and I sit juxtaposed between two worlds, every day.

Every day I must translate back and forth so that the Technology Native Speakers and the Educators can communicate with each other. No easy task. Imagine you are native to a foreign country, and you have cooking skills- and a recent immigrant asks you to prepare their favorite meal- New England Lobster- for a dinner party. In your native country, Lobster is a bottom feeder in the ocean- a scavenger akin to crow or buzzard or a raccoon and you cannot for the life of you imagine anyone wanting to eat its flesh. You know where to buy it, how to cook it, but you have no understanding of why anyone would want to eat it, nor do you understand all of its many secret and delectable culinary uses. I as the translator, have to listen to both sides of the story and convince you that it is a worthy endeavor.

I could be a world renowned negotiator. The negotiation skills I am honing are incredible, but my brain hurts. Every day it is something new.

"What does an ipod touch have to do with teaching-what can you do with it besides shop on ebay and play beer pong?" Point.

"The ipod touch will not connect to Google-it keeps asking me to sign into the wireless network. How come I can access ebay, but not Google?"

"How come teachers cannot have administrator privileges on their own machines? They cannot even run Adobe and Flash updates."

"The only time we ever get viruses is on machines where teachers are administrators."

And back and forth it goes. Point, counter point. The one thing neither side counted on is my tenaciousness and persistence. I do not give up. If something is useful and important I will bring it back to the table again, and again, trying not to offend either party. Negotiation and translation skills necessary.

Today I am back to the Teacher side of the table early in the morning, then to the Technology side of the table later on. Then back to my office to assess what was gained and lost for either side. If I make no headway, it probably means my translation for either side was not as good as it could have been.

It is an interesting psychology experiment, and fun to watch the second language develop on either side of the continental divide. The language comes easiest to those who admit they are still in the learning stages. Development is slower in those that think they have enough understanding to get by. There are both kinds in either group. I am learning to use my resources wisely, and use peer teaching whenever possible.

I am hoping today will go well. I am also hoping that soonr, rather than later, the language skills on both sides of the table will meet somewhere in the middle.

Stop Complaining

2009-05-19T06:45:00.002-04:00

Spring is really here, and we are on our way to summer. The lilacs are blooming, the grass is growing, and the water is being sucked from the top of the pool cover. This weekend is Memorial Day weekend. With any change of season, there comes reminiscing-looking back at the last year and the past-remembering the good times and the bad times and moving forward.

I fondly remember time spent with friends and family: graduations, birthday parties, cookouts or barbecues, the Mother's Day Flood, and trips to New york and New Jersey. Reflecting on my last post, I shouldn't have complained about my trip to Myrtle Beach, but rather accepted it for what it was. Two weeks later I can look back and say to myself, the courses were absolutely beautiful, there were some amazing golf shots, there was a lot of laughter, and I was able to golf relatively pain free and live to tell about it. No, it was not as much fun as it could have been, but it was warm and sunny and good to get away.

You see, I really don't have much to complain about these days, really. my very good friend lost her husband two weeks ago-suddenly, and now she is alone. Just like that. "It sucks," she tells me every day. She is moving on-she isn't complaining or feeling sorry for herself. The most she says is, "This sucks-no really, it just sucks." So how can I complain about anything?

All around me friends have parents who are aging and losing their ability to think, reason, and be independent.They are in hospitals, nursing homes, or need constant care. How can I complain about my feisty, chatty mother who is starting to tell me the same stories over and over again, but her ailments consist of an achy joint here or there and she is still going to work every day and getting ready to set up her first laptop?

I certainly cannot complain about my job- I love my job! All of my past experiences have led me to this point in work, and in life. The people I connect with now are directly or indirectly related to my past. It's that karma thing again.

So I cannot complain-really, about anything. If I have a sore back from golfing last night it's because I did not follow the very good advice of my personal trainer-and I did not warm up first. I will pay for that later today at the gym. So stop complaining. Enjoy the lilacs, and the bees, and the growing grass while you reach for your box of Kleenex. Fire up the grill, put on the sunscreen, and sunglasses, and laugh. Remember your friends and family and how lucky you are.

On Looking for Fun and Adventure

2009-05-14T05:57:00.002-04:00

I recently returned from my annual golf vacation to Myrtle Beach. I am thinking it might be time to change things up a bit. The typical formula for Myrtle Beach fun had been strayed away from the last 2 years. There is a reason why the recipe for fun must be adhered to, otherwise, the whole experience falls flat.

After last year's escapade with family friends, I thought to myself, "This wasn't as much fun without my husband and his friends- they are way more fun.....next year I will go with them." So, heading into 2009, with a new job and different responsibilities and a more flexible schedule, I firmly decided I would go whenever my husband and his friends went.

Up until 2 weeks before the trip we had 8 golfers...and then 2 dropped out...and then 1 more dropped out.."Have fun golfing with your wife all week," my husband's friend commented to him.
Should I drop out? Not fair...I was in from the beginning! But, I was the "fifth" golfer. And a wife. I tried to convince myself it would be fine; my husband told me it would be fine; I knew it would be less than fine. It is easier to be one of the boys when there are more than 6 golfers. It is impossible to be one of the boys when you are the fifth wheel.

I love my husband's friends-they are funny, kind, and down to earth. But they are his friends.

We went to a birthday party for another of his friends the night before we left for Myrtle Beach."So, what do you do? Do you go to lay by the pool and hang out while they golf?" one of the wives asked me...

Another sign. I had neon, glaring signs all the way, and I stubbornly stuck to my decision to go because I wanted to have fun. Let me just say-you cannot go looking for fun and adventure- it must find you. There were moments that were fun-like the ferry ride over to Bald Head Island-but the greens had been aerated and we were all really tired. Like playing World Tour International and getting to Amen Corner and the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass- but it was a cheap imitation- no where near the real experience-you can not re-create fun.

And then there was listening to the boys tell stories about their day together-we had no stories to share. Who wants to hear about how annoying my husband is? I couldn't rag on their friend. "It's okay if we make fun of each other," he said,"but they don't know how to take it if you make fun of me, it just sounds like you're complaining." Great. Do not try to pretend to be having fun-it just comes off as complaining, I guess.

There were things that happened that I thought were fun and funny, and no one agreed with me. That was awkward. Some holes I outplayed the guys....that was fun for me, but I couldn't show it..they were sulking. When I hit a bad shot, I couldn't smash my club and swear, like them. They didn't thinkthat was fun. They smoked cigars and drank Coors Light. I was thankful for my occasional Bloody Mary. I hit from T boxes that were too far back and barely made it over the crap- and let me tell you there was nothing but crap, sand, and water. More golf lessons from my husband. Not fun.

And so it went. We played a lot of golf. The boys all had fun. It was a smashing success. They have very low expectations and their fun involves swinging a golf club, ending the day with a too large serving of beef and sweet tea, and soaking in the hot tub-followed by watching the Celtics, th Bruins and the Sox. No American Idol, Dancing with the Stars and Grays?

So, I am rethinking the whole Myrtle Beach golf experience with the boys. I had more fun last year with a mixed group. Maybe I am an annoying golfer. Maybe it is no fun to play with a wife. Next year I will not try to plan my fun with high hopes and great expectations. I will let fun find me and see what happens. There is fun and adventure out there waiting for me, I know it.

I Remember My Grandmother

2009-04-21T06:40:00.002-04:00

And I think I am turning into her.....Lately I have discovered that if you write a letter or let someone know you are dissatisfied, sometimes, they will try to make things right. In the last month alone I have: received 10 journal magazines and 6 books from a professional organization I joined this summer. Apparently, all of my mail was delivered to my former place of employment-and it was never forwarded to me. Big surprise there!!contacted membership, and they called me, spoke to me personally, and told me they would re-send everything I had missed-free of charge!!I was pleasantly surprised to receive these goodies. Next time I will pay attention to my mailing address when I sign up for stuff.

I also received a voucher with LUV- Southwest Luv, that is...my airline of choice. After the price of my ticket dropped almost 200.00 when I flew to California last month, I wrote them a letter and, after a 50.00 service charge, I now have a flight to Houston to visit my recently relocated daughter. Hooray!

And I have been living with an insanely drippy coffee pot from Mr. Coffee for a almost a year. The gasket around the top has always leaked..and so, I did a little digital detective work and contacted the company through a third part website-was I surprised when I received a reply saying they would ship me a new decanter!! I received it last night and words cannot express how happy it made me to pour my coffee this morning and not end up with a drippy coffee mess all over my counter!!

So there you have it, ask and you shall receive. Or, if you don't ask, you will never know what the answer would have been. I am batting 1000. And I have ben pleasantly surprised with the corporate responses to my concerns. These three companies, at least, have done the right thing and that has made me a happy girl.

Time Heals All Wounds

2009-04-09T17:32:00.002-04:00

It really does. But when you are in pain, time can go very slowly, so much so that time is measured in the minutes and hours of every day, and the goal of each day is to get through it to get to the next day, so that it can be over as well. But then one day you think to yourself,"Hey, things are good!Life is good! I am no longer wishing and hoping and dreaming about things getting better, because they are. Just like that, it happens.

I can say from personal experience this is a fantastic phenomenon, and one that works for both physical and emotional pain. Take for example the huge bump on my shin that resulted from my collision with a moving golf cart. That occurred 10 months ago. At first, several times a day I thought to myself, "That bump is with me for life. I have a deformed shin with a bump." The other night I had an itch, and when I scratched my leg I noticed the bump was barely noticeable. Just like that, time healed my wound.

There's a slight issue with my tennis elbow, too. After 6 months of OT that seemed to render negligible results, I would have to say that 2 months after my last treatment during which my therapist proclaimed me cured..I guess I am cured! Well, about 85-90% cured. Every now and then if I lift heavy weights or sleep with my arm all crunched up, it is painful, but the pain goes away. Time heals all wounds.

And those are just the most recent, obvious physical ailments. Then there are the times in the last few years I thought I would die from misery. Clearly that didn't happen, because here I am writing about it. But when you find yourself counting days, weeks, months and years, and thinking and remembering the evil twisted events of the past, or you cannot sleep at night because your heart hurts and your head is full of memories, it is a miracle when one day you wake up and realize you have not thought about any of it for days or weeks. When anniversaries of dreaded moments come and go and are no longer celebrated and thought about with dread, when voices and people from the past no longer cause stomach pain and anxiety, and when you no longer daydream about things to be the way they used to be, you will know time has healed.

It has not been months...but as time goes by, days and weeks will turn into months and months into years. And then one day it will seem so far away and long ago it will barely be a scrape.
One day the thing you thought you would never get over and never forget, will be a whisper, a dream, a memory, and you will have to really think hard to remember the awfulness. Time truly does heal all wounds.

I'm Back

2009-04-08T06:39:00.002-04:00

So I am all recover from my vacation..and it's on to the next vacation. This time it's a vacation with a theme: Golf or die trying. 3 and a half weeks to Myrtle Beach. Me and the guys...the goal is to beat John, and to lose weight, which just may happen if I can stay away from the 9am beer.
I bought a new driver-a Taylor Made Burner with a 10.5 loft and senior shaft..and I can crush it. If I practice putting, life should be good. But that' s in May. Let's talk about now.

I am in the final days of my Microsoft March Madness series of 8 basic Office classes for teachers. It has been an overwhelming success...so much so that I am getting hugs at the end of class. I have held 6 workshops,; some have been at every workshop. They drag themselves to the High School library,after working all day, and I have to kick them out at 4:30. I was sick one day and had to cancel a class and they are insisting on making it up. Their heads are spinning with information, but they come back to me every other day for more.

Today I am working with teachers who created their very first PowerPoint EVER on Monday..and I am going to show them how to add animation and slide transitions.

This has been a very humbling experience. Here I have been making a major assumption that everyone had basic technology skills and was ready to advance to the next greatest idea. How presumptuous of me! How can teachers possibly be confident enough to use technology with their students every day if they do not know how to open MS Office, create a new folder, save and rename files, and insert clip art? It has been a wonderful experience, as they learn, their confidence grows. They are not afraid of trying new things, they are asking all the questions they feel too dumb to ask their friends, and they are learning web 2.0 at the same time! We are enjoying rich discussions about Creative Commons, Flickr, Delicious, Twitter and Internet copyright laws.

So it may seem funny to some, that there are actually folks out there that do not know where the "ON" button is, but how will they learn if w don't take the time to teach them? So every day I know I made the right decision to move on in my career. I am there for a reason, and it is just the beginning of great things to come. I no longer take for granted what I have worked hard at and learned how to do. I love technology, I love teaching, and I love education. I am thankful for the opportunity to share it with others. Do something amazing today-I plan to.

Is this a vacation?

2009-03-14T10:16:00.002-04:00

I really had no intention of coming back to California so soon after the US Open in June...but things happen. My mom thought my brother was taking her to California...turned out it was a misunderstanding. He was only looking for Christmas money from her so he could take his family to California. Oops! So after looking at really low airfares, I decided, hey! Let's do it!

We decided to go in March-since February has typically been cool in San Diego. And after the winter we have had in New England, I was totally looking forward to a sunny vacation.

Now if you've ever traveled with me you know things happen-always. Not to disappoint anyone, my first mistake was in booking the trip with a layover. I misread the itinerary and forgot to include the time change in my flight time. We flew an hour to Baltimore and then still had a 5 and a half hour flight to San Diego. We had not eaten anything more than peanuts and crackers since we left Manchester at 3pm. It was my first night of no supper. I was starting to get cranky...

Then when we arrived and went to the luggage carousel....my worst fear came true. No luggage. Nothing. No clothes. Just the jeans and t shirt on my back. "That's okay, you can wear my clothes," Cousin Dotty graciously offered. "Here, I have a package of brand new underwear!" Thank goodness! And what a treat to be able to share clothes with a 65 year old! I will never again over pack...I know this is some kind of karma...

The next day we caught the Amtrack Surfliner to Santa Barbara. Since Deanna fell the week before our trip we got the extra special privilege of sitting in the Senior Citizen Car. Woohoo!!

Off the train in Burbank at Bob Hope Airport, Fr. Ray picked us up. We had a lovely champagne brunch and then headed to San Fernando to see where he lived before heading to Santa Barbara.
I looked smashing in my Tye dye T-shirt and 24 hour jeans. Ray took us to meet Fr. Jim, the 90 year old priest he cares for, and we saw his photo album of their trip to Fr. Fred's mission in Haiti.

We arrived at the Upham Hotel in Santa Barbara, and stayed in the same room we had last year. We visited with Dotty's daughter and son in law and grandaughter. It was my second official night of no supper.

Day 2 in Santa Barbara was spent shopping, kind of. But if we wanted to get in before midnight, we had to catch the 2pm train back to Solana Beach. We met Lisa for a great lunch on the deck overlooking Santa Barbara Harbor at Brophy's Clam and Seafood Restaurant. The cioppino was superb, but I should have starting carbo loading. The train ride home was uneventful, back to the Senior Car, and we arrived home to a glass of wine and some snacks..no supper, Day 3.

Do I sound like I am stuck on the eating thing?

So here we are back ini Encinitas at Cousin Dotty's-who now has a roommate. A lovely woman who has taken over her spare room upstairs. The room with the view, and the bathroom. My room. Darn. What that means is I have to share a room AND a bed with my mom, and the three of us have to share one bathroom. Oh, oh. Oh and did I mention my mom is allergic to the two cats Dotty has? And di dI mention all of her allergy meds were in the lost luggage?Oh, oh...And did I mention my mom is a constant complainer? She does not suffer in silence...

Well, so night one in Encinitas was pretty sleepless..."I'm cold, my eyes itch, my ankle is puffy, my knee hurts, I'm so stiff, I have a head ache, my feet are freezing...on and on and on...but we did cook a fantastic supper. Night two was no better than night one, mom apparently is awake every hour during the night ans she thinks everyone else is, too. At 2:30 am she says, "Can you please move over? You're too close to me. " Woke me up from a fantastic sleep...short, but fantastic. My day started at 3am... Non -stop conversation during the day continues into the night.

Night three Dotty gave up her own bed for me, and she slept on the window seat/twin bed. I finally slept throught the night.

Night 4 Dotty took her room back...she tried to sell me on the window seat/twin bed. Now my stuff (our luggage was waiting for us when we arrived back from Santa Barbara) was strewn between my mom's room, Dotty's room, and the dining room. I was a homeless person. No spot to call my own. At least it was relatively warm and the orange tree out back provided fruit and snacks.

Now in between the sleeping and eating, of course we had sunny, beautiful days..days punctuated by the non stop continuous chatter of my mom. She would talk to a wall. It doesn't matter if you respond, because she doesn't listen. She talks over everyone. She is sweet, and endearing and everyone loves her, including me. But she talks too much.

It has been a very long week...the Seniors are exhausted and last night went to bed at 9pm. Woohoo! I watched a DVD on my laptop. The days of sitting in the sun have not materialized, as the temperature has not made it past 65 degrees. Today will most likely involve cleaning, shopping for food and cooking for the St Patty's dinner party tonight. What will tomorrow bring? We shall have to see....but for now, it is quiet except for the birds chirping and the clock ticking. I have a fantastic view of a patio and palm trees and if it were sunny...the ocean. I can almost imagine being on vacation....

What's in your gene pool?

2009-03-12T10:37:00.004-04:00

I'm on vacation in not so sunny California this week with my mom and her cousin. This has become an annual pilgrimage across the country not only to visit an absolutely gorgeous state, but to re connect with family. It is important, for my mom, and for me. The gene pool is drying up.

Last night around the dinner table that included my mom, her cousin, the starving artist who lives in the cottage out back, and the other starving artist who lives upstairs in what use do be my room, (a little resentment there) we talked of family, and the only surviving relative that connects us (excluding the starving artists..)Auntie Barbara.

Out came the family photo..taken in probably 1945..the entire Witham clan, headed up by matriarch Nellie, with 5 children, their spouses and their children. Auntie Barbara was the youngest of the siblings' wives. And she was a beauty queen. With a gorgeous face, long dark hair and proper pose, she really was a beauty queen, having own at least one contest in her youthful prime.

"How is Auntie Barbara?"
"She's doing okay.." Does anybody know how old she is? It is the last best guarded secret in the family.
"I think she must be 84 or 85...."
"Really? How old were you in that picture? You look like you were two," my mom says to Dotty.
"I don't know, probably. How old was Barbara when she got married? 19? 20? She can't have been more than 20..." On and on the guessing went, until finally Dotty, said, "I'll just look it up on the computer!
"You can do that? My mom says..
"And before Dotty could answer she shouted back ," She's 84!"
"Well her birthday is today, so she's 85 now!"

Technically, Barbara is not in the gene pool we share. She married my grandmother's youngest brother when he was in the Navy during WWII. At eighty-something she is the lone survivor.

The California starving artists were amazed as the family talk circled around the dinner table: Toni Perms, eye brow waxing, engineers, teasing, Baptist Methodists marrying catholics, drugs, jail time-there was enough drama to last a lifetime. The family resemblance between cousins is remarkable. There is just enough flakiness to know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, either. Spending oh so much family time with my mom, we share some eerie qualities with Dotty: losing things, often, independence (stubbornness), but also, laughter, loyalty and big hips. We trip, we fall (my mom has this down to a science..what is wrong with you this month?) and we have the uncanny ability to pick ourselves up and go on.

It is a gift to be able to take this time to peer into the rapidly evaporating gene pool...to notice the water rings, the light reflecting of its surface, and to see, with increasing clarity down into its depths...the water can get murky at times, and there are pebbles and other obstacles on the bottom, but it is peaceful and charming, and it is mine.

4 months

2009-03-01T08:07:00.000-05:00

It goes by in a flash, but seems like an eternity at the same time. 4 months of healthy living. What do I have to show for it? I'm not really sure. It' s not a straight path to the finish line, that's for sure; and who wants to race to the finish line anyways? It's trial and error, and becoming aware of choices that affect how you feel and function as a human being.

It's about becoming wiser and more intuitive. It's about increasing self discipline and foregoing instant gratification. It's about patience and perseverance and not stepping on the scale every day.

Here's what I've learned:

1. Even doing little things inconsistently is better than doing nothing at all.
2. Slowly, you adjust and even the little things become habits for living.
3. Drinking 8 glasses of water a day, although maybe an old wives' tale (alright, so I am an old wife!) seems to work, for a lot of reasons
4. The difference between soreness and pain is subtle...
5. You can take more than you think you can, so working with someone who can push you is crucial
6. Sometimes it's hard to know when to stop pushing through pain, so see number 5.
7. Never give up, because it's never too late to improve your well being.
8. Do not waste time brooding over the past....because it is gone and you cannot get it back.

So, even though I just had a slice of cold pizza for breakfast, my body is telling me that probably was not a good choice, and I will remember that the next time I get the impulsive urge to eat something that has been sitting in the refrigerator for 3 days.

But I will drink my water and take my vitamins and do my crunches and push ups and stretches and arm exercises and not look back. 4 months will turn into 5, then 6, then a year. There is no finish line, really. Life is a journey, just like the cliche...slow and steady wins the race. That's a hard one for me...I am learning to be slow and steady instead of fast and furious. Good things come to those who wait...I'm sure, but better things come to those who can grow and change and continue to learn.

It's not easy being green

2009-02-23T06:36:00.001-05:00

Kermit the Frog once sang a song from the heart about the trials and tribulations of being green. This song has been playing in my mind this week as I continue to lose things,including myself, in my efforts to improve my punctuality.

I hate being late for appointments. And it is said that it is a control thing. People who are late, like to have the world revolve around them...so that they are controlling the situation. I have a hard time believing that, but yet, somehow, subconsciously, I believe that it is true.

So I had an appointment this week with a Wedding Planner to get information and tour a venue for my daughter. The appointment had to be changed because some one's schedule changed (not mine) and thus, I was not in control of the situation. The appointment was now scheduled for 4:00 in the afternoon. Not leaving myself enough time, I tried to get off the highway and head though town, only discovering that I had no clue how to get there in a quick and efficient way. I had to call my husband who I was supposed to be meeting there, and admit I would be late. Upon arrival I had to admit I was late because I did not leave work early enough. To make matters worse, someone in front of me at the tollbooth tried to put a dollar bill into the quick change basket. And then decide against it and had to rummage through his vehicle for loose change-only to toss the dollar bill into the basket anyways: time elapsed? 5 minutes. There were red lights, and wrong turns and a big circle, that's all I know, and I was 30 minutes late.

The appointment was uneventful, and off we headed in separate vehicles. As we headed through Newmarket toward home, I following the Bravada, we approached the train tracks. Head down, I followed the vehicle in front of me, not paying much attention to the headlights approaching down the track to my left. As I awakened from my thought, I noticed the red flashing lights of the cross bar just as the bar lowered behind my passing truck and the train's horn blew a warning to signal its crossing. Phew! that was a little close!

The next event kicked off the weekend in a really big way. I was meeting a friend at her house to go to a hockey game. I was determined Not to be late. I rushed through my workout and dashed out of the gym and headed to her house. As I pulled into her driveway it was 5:00 on the dot. But there were no cars in the drive and her house was in darkness. Maybe she parked in the garage? The boys were barking tehir heads off as I sat in my truck for a few minutes gathering my stuff. Because of my rush, my stuff was everywhere. I got out of the truck and walked up to the house and the barking continued. I hadn't been there in awhile. I opened the door leading to the foyer and proceeded to open the kitchen door. As I did, I heard a beep..an another beep..the dogs were exhuberant! "Is anyone home? Hello??!"

All of a sudden, over the barking blared an alarm.."CRAP! You guys need to stay in here!" I shut the door and headed back to my truck, the alarm blaring a shrill siren like tone."Great. This could only happen to me." As I left a message on her cell phone, a police cruiser pulled into the driveway. "It was me," I fessed up sheepishly. He didn't really know what to do, so he politely and apologetically asked me for my information as my friend's daughter pulled into the driveway.

"It's okay, I know her," she said. Great.

I am glad the week is over. I tried to turn over a new leaf and be more punctual, instead, I cretaed more stress for myself and others. The worst was having to continually explain myself and admit the errors in my thinking that lead to some bad situations. Funny? Yes. It could only happe to me.

Dreaming About the Future

2009-02-19T06:48:00.000-05:00

Okay, so when you get to be my age, it is quite possible that more of your life is behind you then ahead of you. But let's not worry about that. Looking back (briefly) I wish I had paid more atttention to my life in order to take advantage of some of the amazing opportunities that were out there. Like Oprah. But for whatever reason, I did not, or maybe I did exactly what I was supposed to do at the time which led me to right here, right now.

Now I am awake. Kind of. My husband would debate that statement. I appreciate every day and what it brings..and I look at what life throws at me as opportunities. A different point of view perhaps? Who knows. I guess it's kind of a "sieze the day" mentality. I love to take advantage of learning something new, or trying something new. There's a lot of newness out there in the world.

I recently got a new Blackberry. The RIM os is definitely different than Windows Mobile. If I had insisted on being loyal to Windows Mobile, I never would have learned about Google Sync, and Google Mobile, which is a totally fun experience. I had to learn something new, and figure stuff out, and it jump started my brain, and got me thinking (oh, oh) about the future...what do I want to learn next? What am I curious about?

And then I found out yesterday the school district I work for voted (finally) to build a new elementary school. And the wheels started turning...I now have a BIG project-to be a part of a team that plans technology for education far into the future. I can only hope to make a difference in the decisions I help to make and the things I choose to do.

So it's a good thing to be awake. I want to be aware and looking forward to what each day brings. And I want to embrace the little moments that make up each day....and seize them as learning opportunities. And we all know mistakes will be made because that's how learning happens. I am fortunate that my mistakes thus far have helped to forge the person I have become, and I am hoping that's a good thing. But that's another story....

So What is that saying?

2009-02-14T06:23:00.001-05:00

This week has felt like one big cliche, or Name That Tune, whichever you prefer. Every now and then, when someone says something, or does something, or I am in a situation, cliche's run through my head, or sometimes it's song lyrics. Does that ever happen to you? And sometimes I laugh to myself, because they are really cheesey and bad.

1. For example, "When one door closes, another one always opens." What I realized is just thinking a door has closed often opens up another door you wouldn't have chosen to open on your own. Surprise! Funny how that works.

2. "It never rains in California..." You know the song. It' s been pouring there,one storm after another. I thought it never rains in California? What happened to the draught?

3. "Be careful what you wish for." Even though I usually don't wish out loud..that would be bad luck...it doesn't matter, wishes are wishes. For years I have wished my husband had weekends off, like normal, working people (retail isn't normal). I got what I wished for. What I forgot to wish for was EVERY weekend. I only got every other weekend. He now gets to WORK every other weekend. So much for that wish. I hate when he works Sunday, now that will be part of the routine. Hopefully this will open a new door. See number 1 above.

4. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I don't think that' s true. In my experience, it' s more like, "Out of sight, out of mind." I like to feel independent, and be independent, so it will be a challenge to be independent 2 weekends a month....and not be the control freak I am on the other two, and be happy about it.

5. "That's what friends are for." When someone you care about loses someone they love, no matter when, it sucks. I have friends I need to call.

6. "Pay back is a bitch" and "What goes around, comes around." And it works both ways. I feel I am paying my dues in so many small ways for the errors of my ways and to make up for life's wrong turns and misguided deeds. I do not wish anything on others, because of number 3 above, but you cannot go wrong if you are patient, kind, and thoughtful with others, no matter how annoying they are.

7. "At the car wash.." It's that time of year. I never go to the car wash, but I have this year, twice. The last time I sat in line for 35 minutes thinking, " I cannot believe I am sitting here in line waiting for the car wash.." but it was a Friday afternoon, and it was payday, and my truck was filthy and it was sunny and relatively warm out, so I sat in my truck and inched my way toward the garage door and the when the lady's voice announced" "The wash is available, please enter," I thought, "YAY!"

And so starts another week. Hopefully the voices in my head will not be singing the same old song. I wonder what this week will bring? Stay tuned...

Something's Missing

2009-02-09T06:38:00.000-05:00

SO you would think this blog would be about me, losing something, again. After all, I did lock myself out of my truck at McDonald's on Saturday. I didn't even have my phone..all I had was a debit card, so at least I didn't starve. It was like being on some reality show when I had to pick someone I could ask to borrow their phone.Last week I thought I lost my boots AND my sneakers. I even asked them to look through the Lost and Found at the gym. They were in my closet at home the whole time.

Nope, this is about missing pieces; trying to find what' s missing every day, because something must be wrong. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love my people, but something is definitely missing. I could not put my finger on it until I went to a basketball game Friday night just to see my old friend. I knew she would be there, and she was. It was like coming home again, even though we were in Portsmouth, which is definitely not home.

We hugged, we chatted, we tried to catch up. We hadn't seen each other since summer, and in 10 minutes we knew all the important stuff. But more importantly, we connected and it felt good to be with my friend.

"It was hard, at first, with my new team," she said. "I really like them, and all, they're lovely people, and then I finally figured it out. They are just not my friends. I am not working with my friends anymore. But it's okay, it's just different. They are just not my friends, really."

At that moment it was like, AHA. She was so right. And I knew from speaking with others that she had not been happy, that something was different. Something WAS different. I saw her that night for a reason. And then on Sunday I saw 2 more former coworkers, and I realized, sometimes you work with people, and sometimes, if you're lucky, you work with friends.
Sometimes if you work in a place long enough, your people become your friends.

I have been trying to find my friends in the people I work with, and they are just not there. Making friends is not something you can make happen, it just happens. So I will go to work, and be with nice people, friendly people, smart people, and sometimes weirdly funny people, and I will try to fit in somewhere. It is so like being the new kid in school or the new kid in class I cannot even tell you how awkward it feels sometimes. And I will remember working with my friends, but I will no longer try to find them. They are not really missing, they are just missed.

The Dancer Within

2009-02-05T20:12:00.000-05:00

How coincidental that ballet came up not once, not twice, but three times in one week! I will take that as a sign. The ballerina goddesses have spoken, once again.

It all began when I was a tiny thing, 8 years old. I would get in my little pink tights and black leotard and my mom would braid my hair and pin it to my scalp, and we would drive to Massachusetts. Up the big stone staircase into the massive hall, where upstairs we would go. Tall ceilings, large windows, warped wooden floors and piano music from an old record player surrounded me as I plie'd and tondu'd and learned all my positions. Practice, practice, practice..until one day, the chimney on the century old brick building fell through the ceiling and ruined the studio.

Fast forward to the studio behind the fish market. Every Friday we would make the trek to Massachusetts and get out of the car to the welcome aroma of fish and chips. But no time for snacks! The studio, now in the back room of a fish market had shiny new wooden floors, floor to ceiling barre lined mirrors on two walls, and a new sound system. There were no chairs for parents to watch. That was my routine. On the way out we would get a coca cola from the cooler. Week after week, year after year. Once a year we would get measured in earnest for our dance recital costumes: tape measures and tutus, shoe dye, matching tights, and headpieces; hairspray and hairpins...Andover High School...prisoners waiting to go on stage under the bright lights.

There were the ballet shoes, tap shoes, and pointe. I was so tiny my first pointe shoes were still baby size 13.But I was strong, and my feet were the right shape and that' sall that mattered.
The older I got, the harder it all became to leave my friends and fun and sports to drive to the studio. As the demands on my time increased, my enthusiasm decreased. And then one day, I had had enough. I marched across that wooden floor to Mrs. Clay and announced, "I have decided to play sports instead of dance." And that was that.

Until college. When I decided if I had to take a PE class, I would take dance. It was Showdance, and it was hard. I had not danced in 5 years and my body was not in shape. But I did it and decided, Showdance was not for me. I liked the practice, and I liked the rehearsals, I did not like the show.

Back in those days you needed 4 PE classes, or some sort of physical activity class each of your four years in college! One semester I took belly dancing. That was really, really hard.

And then after I got married, I went back to ballet once again. I came very close to becoming a certified dance instructor, but I had 3 babies and no life. My dance class was my one night a week to get out and exercise and forget about everything, and remember the dance.

And then, just like that, I stopped dancing. But I loved ballet. I went to the ballet, I listened to Tchaikovsky and Prokofiefv and I helped sew costumes for Portsmouth Ballet Company.

Fast forward to last week. Ballet came up in a random note, and I remembered driving to Beacon Hill and working with a choreographer from the Boston Ballet to get ready for our annual dance recital. It was my final season and I was 13 years old. Last week I also saw a newspaper article on a colleagues desk and there it was, the name "Edra Toth."

"The ballerina?" I asked incredulously. "Why, do you know her?"

And then I shared my ballet story...and Edra Toth, who was a prima ballerina for the Boston Ballet when I was a little girl, and throughout my years of dance she was THE Ballerina. I had not thought of her since I was 13. Edra was 13 when her family left Budapest , Hungary fleeing for their lives in the 1950's when the Soviet Union invaded their tiny country to squelch a revolution.

"She has a studio in Somersworth!" My head was spinning, how could this be? And then this week I met Edra. She came into the office and I was brought in to meet her. I told her how I saw her dance years ago and that I had taken ballet lessons forever when I was younger. I told her how much I admired her, and she was humbled, and very kind. Do you have any idea how amazing it is to meet your childhood idol? It is even more amazing 40 years later when you are closer in age and can appreciate the lives that have been lived.

"You must come to the studio," she said, "you are never too old to dance." And then before she left she gave me a big hug and said, "I will see you at the studio."
And that is my story. And it could be called, one more reason I came to Somersworth.

I am getting used to it. Call it fate, call it karma. Whatever it is, I accept it and it has made my life richer.

Winter is soooo long

2009-02-03T19:26:00.000-05:00

Enough already. I am ready for Spring and the beginning of things. Winter is monochromatic..gray scale. Every day I hope for just a tiny splash of color and brightness. Today Bill wore an orange tie-I know why. The other Principals made fun of him, as they laughed at their own bad jokes sitting there in their gray and tweedy suits and white shirts and ties that were equally monochromatic. And then in walks Bill with his orange tie with blue and green and white stripes. I know why he wore it.

It is February. And yesterday was Groundhog Day. It feels like the movie. Every day I wake up and it's the same day all over again-the same gray sky, the same english muffin, the same junk email, the same "Good morning" when I walk in the door at work.None of it is bad-it's just the same. I want it to be different-for just a day. To break things up in this long, oh so long winter.

You've heard of stay at home moms perhaps? Or maybe a stay at home dad? I have a stay at home daughter. Yep. I have a daughter who has decided, although subconsciously, to be a stay at home daughter. I guess she has no plans to go to work, or go to school, or prepare herself for a life of independence, because she is working very hard at sleeping until afternoon, and not working. I cannot fathom what the attraction is in just "staying at home," but I think i t is an interesting phenomenon. I wonder if it has anything to do with the oh so long winter. maybe she's really a bear and she's hibernating? Or maybe she's a groundhog and when she comes out from beneath the covers and she does not see her shadow, she just goes back to bed until Spring.

So...another 6 weeks of this gray scale, monochromatic, black and white silhouette of a landscape. I miss my blue sky, my green leaves, my green grass, the sailboats in the bay, and the sun reflecting off my shiny red truck. I am ready. I am now counting down.

Let's Hear It For the Boys

2009-01-23T16:45:00.000-05:00

Guys more sensitive than girls? Really? Oh yes, definitely. In an earlier post I described how strong and independent the women in my family are, and I really thought the men in our lives were the only wimps, but I retract that.

After some reflection, I really think I have to admit that guys in general are sensitive souls, with hearts that are holding thoughts that women cannot possibly imagine. It's true. Women are more dramatic about their feelings, most of the time, although I do personally know some male drama queens. For the most part though, guys like to appear in control and in charge. But do not assume they are independent and aloof. That is an illusion.

Guys have feelings. Guys are sensitive and needy and they care what women think. Guys often miss the boat, however, because they do not share their feelings. Unlike women who share everything with everyone, good and bad, guys somehow think women can read their minds. My favorite line is, "Well, in the back of my mind I was thinking...." Here's a newsflash...there really is no such thing as x-ray vision. If something is hanging out in the back of your mind, then you better get it to the front of your mind and out of your mouth if you want anybody to listen.

So guys have feelings, who knew? What I like about guys is that they are guys, and not girls. You expect your girlfriends to vent and share and spew and tattle, and gush, and gossip and get over it. You do not expect this from guys..and you really only get what amounts to a volcanic eruption if guys' feelings are really hurt. Remember..they like to stay in control and remain in control, and they do not let their feelings erupt to the surface unless it all gets to be too much.

So, hang out with the guys if you want..but be forewarned. If you are insensitive to those hidden feelings, and you do not have x-ray vision into the back of their minds, their feelings will be hurt, eventually. And if you are lucky enough, you will never know it. But if you waken the sleeping giant and the volcano erupts, be prepared...

Wordle

2009-01-22T19:06:00.000-05:00

Here is a picture of The Clipboard. It is a Word Cloud. If you were to take all the words I have used in my blog and create an image based on how many times a word is used, the words used most often would appear larger. Although the image is not that big, and a little grainy, it is easy to see what words I used the most.

Try it! Go to http://www.wordle.net

True Confessions

2009-01-14T18:17:00.000-05:00

Okay, so now that you got me thinking about 30 years ago, and some, not all, of the cobwebs are gone, there are some interesting and quite possibly entertaining events to write about. And I thought all my ideas had vanished! Suddenly, there's a whole new decade to write about!

But high school. What can you say about 4 very swift years except, it is truly a miracle I live to tell about it. I guess I did everything you would find typical of a high school student: I played sports until I felt I had to choose between one group of friends and another-and I chose the wrong group. I was in the school play, until my senior year when it was not cool to be part of that group. I had good friends for three years who wondered why I suddenly stopped hanging out with them. I honestly barely remember my senior year..sadly, I missed out on some defining moments, I'm sure.

Cool stuff happened, like Alan B Shepard (yes, the astronaut) spoke at our Freshman dance. Funny stuff happened all the time...mostly because my French teacher was the football coach and half his team was in my class so they could pass in order to play.Or when I tried to run winter track. I hate to run. I used to go out for my run and have friends pick me up half way. I tried to run hurdles, except I was way too short, and it looked more like a hop over the hurdles rather than a graceful stride.
Sports were big, I tried out for cheerleading but pulled a muscle in my back during try-outs. I tried out for basketball but before the final cut was made, the coach, who was also my math teacher, told me they had enough guards. Tough Luck.
Dumb stuff happened-mostly when I skipped school-like the time I skipped school and forgot I was being inducted into the National Honor Society that night. Oops!
I was good on the outside, and got good grades, just like I was supposed to, but I had this streak of irresponsibility and rebelliousness that still exists to this day.

Do I have regrets? Some...but things turned out okay.
Thank goodness we all grow up eventually and find our way in the world. Sometimes it takes a little while to figure out the road you're on is a dead end. Sometimes you just need to have patience and faith and stay the course..traveling just a little bit further down that road than you want to. And sometimes, just sometimes, it's enough to follow your heart to get to your dream.

Where were you 30 years ago?

2009-01-13T20:20:00.000-05:00

So although it was unexpected, it was inevitable. With the advent of Facebook and Myspace and myclassmates.com, it was not a matter of if, but when. When would my past catch up with me?
It's not like it's outrageous and unusual, but it was, after all 30 years ago. Thirty years is a long time! Thank goodness most people change and grow and learn as the years go by. Unfortunately, an equal number of unfortunate souls consider their high school years the highlight of their life.

Here's where the curiosity factor weighs in. What on earth would posses someone to make contact with a classmate thirty years later? Well, a prom date and friend.. Okay, so that in itself is not really so unusual. What is unusual is how totally oblivious I was to how I was being perceived as I lived and learned throughout my high school years.

I do remember I hated the whole prom thing. It was not cool to go with your friends-girls or guys, and I had lots of friends who were guys. Guys who were your friends thought someone else was asking you. The whole thing was just stressful. Everyone ended up pretty miserable, whether you went or stayed home. I went. I should have stayed home.

SO, let's go back in time for a brief moment...I dare say there are an awful lot of cobwebs to be cleared..but I had friends, lots of friends, many girls, guys, and many who ended up marrying each other and who knows where they are today? Sometimes I wonder about some of them, but certainly there were too many acquaintances to keep track of.

SO then I find out 30 years later one of my friends thought he was more than a friend and he regrets not sharing this with me all these years!

Why would someone actually share this thirty years later? Maybe it is part of some therapy or something, like Dr. Phil. It is a total mystery and I cannot fathom all the poor souls out there I thought I couldn't live without and clearly, since I cannot even remember their names, I guess I can easily live without them. Those whose names I do recall will never hear from me, that's for sure. It is both intriguing and interesting and absurd, all at once.

So if there is a lesson in all this it is that I have probably not changed all that much. I still have lots of friends; sometimes I am totally oblivious, and that's probably a good thing; and my life is full of surprises. I try not to take myself too seriously, and in doing so, perhaps my intentions are misperceived. The people in my life I care deeply about, and the people I have not seen in or heard from in 30 years, well, not so deeply. I am curious, but not that curious.

Thirty years? Evidently it is not long enough to erase the past completely. Thirty years is an eternity and an instant. What you say and do and how you treat people today,will be remembered 30 years from now. Count on it.

So how did I do?

2009-01-07T16:44:00.000-05:00

So I thought it would be fun to go back to 2008 and look at my to do list and see how I did....Here' s the list I drafted on December 23 last year..

Go to Foxborough Stadium...that will stay on THE LIST.
Well, I actually DID go to Foxborough Stadium-Gillete Field...but it was during the off season..does that count? I think it does...we drove into the parking lot on our way back from NJ last spring, and saw Patriot Place almost built...we were the only ones there..kinda cool; we buzzed around the parking lot..I was super impressed and vowed to come back to actually see the Pats play. Maybe next year....

Join the Wine of the Month Club
Nope, didn't do that..does drinking wine throughout the month count? I did manage to ship myself some fantastic wine from Temeculah in June when we went out to San Diego for the USGA Open. Still have a couple bottles left....apparently, there are some very strict rules about shipping alcohol to NH.....who knew?

Go to Foxwoods to play golf
Nope..but I did get to Mohegan Sun..just to compare...don't go on a weekend!! What a zoo!! I think I prefer Foxwoods..now I want to go the new MGM Grand Hotel. Maybe someday soon....

Break 100 .
I tried too soon..before I was in condition...hence, I injured myself and continued to play. I am now in therapy and plan to be back better than ever.
Buy a Macbook Pro
Changed my mind and got a new Dell XPS instead. I still drool over the Macbook Pro..but I am happy with my XPS.
redecorate my Library (is that what I am calling it now?)
I bought the paint!! This winter....I promise...
photograph more....
Yay!! I DID this...not consistently, but overall, a definite improvement.
digitize analogue tapes
I now have a friend with a DVR...so this will get done! We did one..it's the infamous 1 year old Cole in a snowsuit falling on his head. Ouch!
digitize family photos
I have a stack..and I re-loaded my HP software so I can now scan. Evidently Vista uninstalls this software randomly some time after it is installed..but once that mystery was solved..we had scanning!!!
introduce TED !!
I have a wiki..does that count? And a website...and an LLC license...and a graphic artist to design a logo and business cards....baby steps
party more !!
Yes....although when you really didn't party much at all, anything is more..this should say, enjoy life more!!
complain less !!
Yes!! But you would have to ask the people who know me and love me....maybe it's the new job???

So there you have it..lots of things still on the list..lots of goals, lots of plans. 2009 promises to be fun, exciting, and challenging. One thing is for sure, I am grateful for my health and my ability to get up every day and face life's big and little challenges; I am grateful for my family and friends; and I will try to live each day with a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

Happy New Year everyone!!!

The voices of Christmas

2008-12-26T12:20:00.000-05:00

Here is a ranodm collection of quips and quotes that typify Christmas 2008:

Do you have power yet? (Every day question up until about Tuesday)

The tree is really crusty..I think it's dead (for the past 2 weeks...as the tree branches droop slowly toward the floor)

I have a lot of skills....I have fire building skills (7 yr old Cole)

Let me see that, I have some more caulking to do (Cole, as he puts the finishing touches on the gingerbread house.)

Is your family as screwed up as mine? (One son in law to another)

Do you want to see my Hannah Montana Barbie?(3 yr old Kayleigh)

When did you shrink? (There will be a trip to the store to exchange pants..)

I got some more firewood in case you run out.(Cole as he drags a tree limb through the yard during the height of a blizzard Saturday morning)

Do you have any sour cream? (On the way home from Christmas Eve mass stopping at every, and I mean every convenience store from Dover to Stratham...no sour cream)

What is it? It's a french vanilla scented stuffed kitty dipped in wax. (Keep out of reach of flames!!)

People, you need to eat my baked goods!

Oh crap.....this needs to be refrigerated for 4 hours (an hour before dinner.)

Vanilla ice cream or whipped cream? Yes please!

This is the only Celics game I've seen this year( as the Celtics lose their third game of the season to the Lakers....)

This is the present of the year. (The new ipod nano)

How did you know? This is everything I wanted and needed. Imagine that!

You'll shoot your eye out, kid! (From The Christmas Story Marathon).

And just like that, Christmas 2008 was over.

Turn out the lights

2008-12-15T16:26:00.000-05:00

I don't know about you, but I used to think I couldn't live without electricity connecting me to the world. It seems I can live, and survive, and maybe not really get used to it or like it, but if I had to do it long enough, I would figure out a system for accessing power for 3 hours a day and be happy. I recently got to experience no electricty for about 56 hours(with a 90 min break at hour 45). It did not kill me. I was bored to tears after the first 12 hours, but then I slowly gave in to the notion and instead of thinking about everything I couldn't do, I focused on what I could do.

Here's what I discovered:
1. I do need light..so candles or a fire, or a lantern are a necessity. I like the mood the candles and fire create, all warm and glowy. Cold and light is okay-cold and dark is not okay.

2. Warm water is a definite...so, thank goodness for the gas grill...or I would have had to create some sort of rig to heat water in the fireplace. I need to have warm water to wash....some things are just a necessity. Warm water followed by warm clothes, heated by the fireplace..

3. I can not over emphasize the power of fleece, down, wool and flannel. Oh, and Under Armour. This combination will maintain body temperature even in the most Arctic conditions. It's true.

4. Electricity means noise....lack of electricty means the absence of noise..and by noise, I mean all the background humming, and beeping, and whirring that we live with 24/7. No power means the natural sounds of living can be heard..both inside and outside, like the wind, like ice melting, like wood crackling and popping.

5. No power means quiet bodies, quiet minds....time passes slowly, in degrees,unhurried, measured in logs on the fire, pages turned, rows knitted. It takes approximately 1 hour to burn an apple tree log about 8 inches in diameter; it takes approximately 30 minutes for a fire burning in the firplace to raise the thermostat 1 degree; it takes approximately 1 hour to knit 16 rows and rip it all out again; and it takes approximately 1 hour to read 40 pages. It only takes a few minutes for eye squinting darkness to become total blackness.

6. 3 hours of power would be enough to satisfy me...an hour in the morning-time to shower, brush and check and send email; time to cook and clean, and time to charge the phone. An hour at midday would re-up the phone and pc juice....and provide the much needed cup of joe; And an hour in the evening would power up the pc for a couple hours of night time use, provide the necessary power to cook and clean up after yourself, and check and send more email.

7. Electricity not only powers light and heat and the Internet, but it creates work....light means tasks can be done deep into the night time darkness; power means dishes can be washed, clothes can be washed..which creates more work; power provides life to the computers, and ipods, and phones, making it necessary to do something with them- for if not to use, why do we have them?

8. Having no power levels the playing field-suddenly all the toys and gadgets are useless; no one has access to the Internet, and no one has real heat or hot water. There exists a calm sense of community with fellow man.

Now, 36 hours later here I sit, on the computer, with my lights on..cell phone beeping, computer whirring, refrigerator hummin, no fire burning, no candles flickering, just the smell of stale wood smoke hanging in the air. I am waiting to cook dinner, and then clean.Here I sit wondering how much laundry is waiting for me, wondering if I should go and turn on all the Christmas candles and lights, feeling as if I should be doing something, instead of relaxing, and listening to the sounds of a December night. I am lucky to be warm. There are many more who are not warm tonight. I wish my power on them.

Creativity cannot be learned..it is innate

2008-12-06T05:50:00.000-05:00

If you are an American, born and raised and educated in American schools, AND you think you are creative (which you probably are) you can thank your parents and your teachers and AMERICA. America, in spite of all you hear and read about, still is the richest, most creative country in the world-by a long shot.
But are we globally competative?

If you want to maufacture and export the most toys? Then no....that would be China. But I thought we wanted to compete with China?

Check out http://www.worldmapper.org/ to see for yourself how the US stacks up against its fiercest competitors and global rivals.

I just got back from attending the 2008 Christa McAuliffe Technology Conference in Nashua, NH, and Dr. Yong Zhao, from MSU, was the keynote speaker on Wednesday. He was good. Very good.

Technology has redefined talent. If you don't believe me, how do you explain someone selling an authentic Michigan Maple Leaf on ebay?? Better yet, how do you explain someone buying it?

How do you explain Chines goldfarming? Oh, yes, let's compete with China. Isn't that what good test scores will get us? Ask American teens what gold farming is and it is old news. This documentary was on MTV in 2006. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ho5Yxe6UVv4

And how do you explain the fact that our BIG 3 automakers are seriously living in pre historic times when compared to Toyota, Honda and Nissan. I think we need some young talent running the show in Detroit. Granted, Henry Ford did invent the automobile, but technology has redifined the talent needed to manufacture automobiles. The assembly line is dead.

Our kids are moving from being consumers of multimedia to producers and creators of that same multimedia. How else can you explain youtube? Kids create the media they want to watch. Would you rather hire someone or work with someone who knows how to memorize facts and write fast or click fast, or someone who knows how to collaborate, create a storyboard, manilpulate video equipment, edit video and audio, and share his creation with the world? Or perhaps someone who can solve a multi layered problem never seen before? Or someone who can invent a new solution or device to solve a global problem or fill a global need?

Technology has redefined talent. But does it help raise test scores?
According to a study released in April, 2007, classrooms who used software scored no better on tests than classrooms that only had teachers. So what is the message? That relatively inexpensive software can perform as well as a classroom teacher....

Technology redefines a whole new category of disabled individuals..those who can and those who can't. Those who look good on HDTV and those that don't. Before television, looks didn't matter, right?

So do we want to go back to teaching facts and skills in isolation, and challenging students to be the best? Russia is moving ahead of the US (1950's). We need to keep up with Japan (1970's). We must be competative with China! And India!(1990's). There is absolutely no correlation between Math and Science test scores and the global economy and creativity as measured by the number of registered patents. Read Daniel Pink's "A Whole New Mind" if you don't believe me...http://www.danpink.com/wnm.html

Dr. Yong Zhao can say it best; Download this podcast and be enlightened!
http://nlcommunities.com/communities/alannovember/archive/2007/11/21/156147.aspx

It's been a quiet week

2008-12-01T20:15:00.000-05:00

I realized today I can go through the day saying very little....if the right (or wrong) people aren't around. I could probably go through the work day saying absolutely nothing. Some folks might think I'm stand-off -ish, or even snobbish, or aloof, but really, I am not all that comfortable starting up a conversation with someone I do not know all that well...usually.

I was shy as a child, lacking confidence and not very independent. I usually traveled in a pack, trying really hard not to draw attention to myself. Who needs that? I still cringe at having to walk down the street by myself, walking as if I had a purpose. Having my number called at the deli? Hearing my name called in a restaurant? Raising my hand to ask a question or to give a comment in a large group? UGGGGH! Then there's going to a party by myself, or going to a restaurant and having to eat by myself....no thank you, I'd rather just crawl out the door and hope nobody notices.I'm surprised I'm here to tell about it. I feel each and every time as if I might die of self consciousness.

So, to go through the day trying to act inconspicuously and invisible is not all that unrealistic.

I have tried to overcome my self consciousness and insecurity over the years, with varying degrees of success. I don't like change, I don't like strangers, I don't like new people. There, I said it. So when I found out I would be sharing my office/copyroom/corner with a window view, I acted oh so positively, because I am a really great actress.I have learned that if I act confident and independent and smart and perky, everyone will think that's how I am! Surprise! Will the real professional please stand up?

But every now and then I surprise myself. There are some people that just simply walk into my comfort zone as if they were there all along. Together we chat, we laugh, we create an energy that is more than the sum of its parts. It is not often, and it is not natural, for me anyways,trust me. My part time office partner is everything I am not-filled with confidence, exuberance, and charm. She is chatty with everyone, could hold a conversation with a goat, and makes everyone around her happy. She could probably do that by herself. Not me.

She is on leave at the moment, and it is really, really quiet in my little corner without her. I am the quiet one, by myself. I guess I can accept that without her there I am not much fun. I am back to being the quiet, serious unassuming one. What can I say? I am quiet and thoughtful when one needs quiet and thoughtfulness. And I will do what I have to do to get the job done...even if it means going solo occasionally. Thank goodness for chatty, social people. They make our days brighter and our worlds richer.

Ok, I Get It

2008-11-25T05:49:00.000-05:00

Hit me over the head with a hammer, I get it. Some lessons I pick up pretty quickly, it's a breeze. Other things, like the big things, not so. And once learned, I need refresher courses, or I slip back into my pre-lesson ways. Why is that? Just another question that has no apparent answer.
So if you want advice, although you may have figured this out already, take it from someone who is persistently trying to figure out if there's an easier, faster, better way.

There are no mistakes- I learned this from Kung Fu Panda. If you mess up, it's probably a direct or indirect result of some action you took (see above) trying to take the easy way out. You can never say, "I really didn't mean to do that," because what you really meant is, "I didn't think before I did that."

There are no short cuts- See above. A short cut means taking the easy way out; and not experiencing what you were meant to experience taking the full blown tour. Like taking an exit to avoid a traffic delay and getting to a dead end. Like taking steroids.

No cutting corners-The corners are the best part-that's where all the details lie-if you cut corners, then really you are not square any more, you are a circle. And we all know what happens when you start spinning inside a circle, there is no way out. This is almost like no shortcuts, but not really.

Actions speak louder than words-this has been around forever, and its true. Enough said.

The Journey is the Destination- It really is. It's all about the journey, not getting there first. If you don't slow down, you are going to miss what' s hiding out in the corners of that square. It is truly all about slowing down and living each moment the way it was meant to be.

Live on the edge-A life with no edges is a circle, and even though life is metaphorically a circle, it is also about edges. To experience all life has to offer, you must take it to the edge, without going over the edge. It's called working out, not wimping out. It's called getting to all 4 corners. It's called occasionally slipping over the edge, but working your ass off to climb back on and do it all over again.

Life is hard-taking the easy way out may seem like a good idea at first, but it brings you right back to where you started, quickly. .Like going to the gym and cutting out with 2 crunches left; or stopping your run with 30 seconds left on the clock. No pain, no gain, remember that?
Life is hard because of the lessons we have to learn. Life is hard because the consequences of our actions sometimes mean starting over again. The good news is, you always have the ability within you to make it happen if you trust in yourself.

So remember this when you are preparing to cook your Thanksgiving meal:
Nobody likes cold mashed potatoes-heat them thoroughly; nobody likes pumpkin rolls sans sugar- slow down and read ALL the ingredients before popping something into the oven; nobody likes runny whipped cream-whipping cream takes patience; but most of all, truly take the time to enjoy the table, the food, the family, the friends, and the day-no matter what happens.

For those of you who cannot be with your families....life is hard. There are no short cuts. It will all be worth it.

Give Me My Space

2008-11-21T06:37:00.000-05:00

So the women in our family (as well as the men) have been sharing stories lately....and have found some common ground.
"The women in this family are tough, Gerry!"
"I know it."
My poor son in laws got married and thought they would have, I don't know, a housewife, maybe? Little did they know, houses do not need wives. I remember cringing hearing the gospel reading preaching "Wives, obey your husbands." Are they serious?
I used to think my daughters were stubborn and difficult..now I understand where they get it from....and it does not stop with me, nor does it stop with my mom or my grandmother. It runs all the way to the Clark family that came off the Mayflower.
It does run in the family.
We need our space.
"What does that mean, exactly?" Any man that even needs to ask that question should be beaten. The fact that he even needs to ask that question requires some serious reflection.
I need my space means "I NEED MY SPACE."
Relax, it does not mean permanently, it just means right now, this instant..go away and do not make me have to look at you.
The men think we are mean, unaffectionate, and not very nice. What it really means is we are not needy-we do not need men hovering over us to make us feel important or special or smart. We do not need men to make us feel worthy of respect, of love, of admiration.
We are not mean or unaffectionate, we are independent. It started when we were 3 years old, I think. We were encouraged to play with the boys, keep up with the boys, be tough, and shake it off. There's no crying in baseball, remember?
My grandmother was extremely tough, and her mother before her. I never knew my great grandfather, but tough women usually marry great men. If they're not great, they leave because they whimp out. You know what they say, when the going gets tough the tough get going.
We teach men how to stand on their own two feet, in essence, we teach men how to be independent, too! Then everyone is happy. It is a long process, however, and one that does not yield overnight results. The boys are learning this the slow, painful way. But they are in luck. They are in good company. Now give me my space. Please.

Seriously, One day I WILL wake up blonde

2008-11-15T10:37:00.000-05:00

So does anyone else have these moments? Besides blonds, I mean. Or maybe it's just lack of pigment in the hair follicles that create vacuous voids somewhere deep in the brain..where focus becomes critical. Every so often it becomes very apparent that I either should have been born platinum, or, that day is coming soon. All the signs point in that direction. Just read my posts and you will see....

This week was particularly flakey. There were moments of lost notes, misplaced files, impulsive thoughts and behaviors, and well, just about everything in between..with it all coming to a....well, you know what I mean....on Friday.

I think I try to take on too much. Let me do it! I can help! The only problem is I am saying that to everybody, and I have a problem with underestimating how long it takes to get stuff done.

Monday was a lost day because I underestimated how long it would take to write and submit a grant. Tuesday was a lost day because it was a day off..and well, there was shopping. I should have been shopping for food, but I played and then shopped, but not for food. Wednesday was really like Monday, except it was Wednesday. I made the novice mistake, in my hurry, and used a cached email address that did not work to send an all staff email. No one arrived at my Technology Class in the afternoon, because nobody remembered to come, becasue my email has still not been delivered.

Thursday....only two days left in the work week...with a day jam packed with appointments and communication, followed by a workshop in the afternoon that did not go according to plan. Technology happens. That could be a blog in itself. Vista, administrative rights, xp, projectors, wireless connectivity....you get the point.

And then there was the traffic...it finally happened..an accident snarling commuter traffic over the infamous General Sullivan Bridge. Needing to get to my hair appointment an hour early, because I cannot say no, I found myself making wrong turn after wrong turn in an idiotic attempt to get across Great Bay without going over the bridge. Blonds must be impatient, too. What was I thinking? If only I had had a boat. I made it to Greenland at the originally appointed time....not a minute sooner, an hour and a half after sitting in traffic. So from there I decided to go to the mall instead of the grocery store....impulsive decision that only earned me more blond points.

So then Friday dawned, and I started my day with an adventure at Staples trying to pick up a chair I paid to have assembled. They couldn't find it. They brought me the floor model and decided to give me credit. Which they couldn't figure out how to do because I used my Staples Rewards Certificate. But I helped them....this was not a blond moment..do I earn credit for that? But then I ran out of working hours. I arrived at work to find my laptop keyboard had a mind of its own...I somehow failed to save my school board report, I forgot my lunch...but then realized I didn't forget my lunch..I just forgot I brought my lunch. And so the that is how the day started. Before I knew it, it was afternoon. I still had to get to a grocery store..procrastination is a terrible thing, and figure out how to make a spinach dip and get to my party place on time, which was early, because I said I would.

Shopping....I quickly grabbed what I needed, but had the feeling I was forgetting something. Drove to Mom's house all the while thinking..I am so unprepared..I brought nothing! I brought a pan and a spatula and a sponge in a box. How is this going to work? I pulled in the driveway and opened the passenger door. CRASH! The Barefoot Chardonnay exploded onto the driveway, still in the bag. In the house, up the stairs, to the stove, chopping the onions and green peppers, melting butter and Velveeta..ready for the main ingredient...CRAP! I forgot the spinach! Quick, think...Janetto's has frozen spinach! Back down the stairs, in the truck (I did turn off the oven before I left) to the store and back and now I know I will not be early. I am afraid to look in a mirror..because I am feeling blonder by the minute.

I finally manage to get everything made, cleaned up and packed and arrive at the party..not too early I can tell you that. As I hauled in the goods, and unpacked the party supplies, my friend asked, "Did you get plates?"
"Plates? Did I say I was getting plates? I didn't get plates? I can get plates! Janetto's has plates! I'll be back!" The ladies at Janetto's know me by now...

So that' show it went...and I'm afraid I am losing whatever brain cells I have left. I am surprised I can remember my own name or where I live. This year was supposed to be simpler..I was going to simplify my life. I'm not exactly sure how to do that....So for now,I will try to do a better job managing my time...and making lists. I just need to remember where I put the lists and when I find them, remember why they are important so I don't thow them away.

1 Year blogging Anniversary!

2008-11-10T21:41:00.000-05:00

So remember a year ago when I returned from presenting at a national conference in Houston? I decided to start blogging..to share my stories, and fun and adventure. Sometimes the blogs have been reflective, sometimes, reminiscent, and sometimes very random. But, nonetheless, here we are a year later still blogging, for better or for worse.

This weekend? Another adventure. On tap? A trip to NJ to visit our daughter, who, apparently, because she is now engaged to be married, has decided to move to the Lone Star State come May. And I thought I would never have to go back to Houston again! The sacrifices we make for our children.... anyways, back to the adventure.

Central Park, Tavern on the Green, walking the streets of NYC in the rain...I mean, rain dripping off my nose, off my forehead. "We still have 10 blocks to go! I refuse to walk into the Tavern dripping wet!"I have never seen so many umbrellas in my life. Everybody had an umbrella..except for us, of course. We walked up Broadway past the M and M Experience Store, past MTV, past Times Square and the new red carpeted steps to nowhere , past ABC Studios, past the Fashion District...stopping under every overhang we saw. It was not going to stop raining. So we dashed across the street and hailed a cab outside The Brooklyn Diner, and off we went..dripping wet all over the leather seats. NYC cabs are nice! GPS, commercials, where's the Cash Cab when you need cash?

We arrived at our destination: Tavern on the Green in Central Park. I heard there's a zoo in Central Park- I think we found it. They collected our jackets "We do not allow coats hanging of the backs of chairs." We tipped the lady handing out paper towels in the bathroom. And then we were escorted to our seats under the most garish green crystal chandeliers, I have ever seen. Several tables were festooned with balloons...I get it, we're in the party room! Baby showers, birthday parties, tucked in between romantic couples, and elderly ladies doing lunch. Loud and crowded and hectic. This was not what I imagined. And what about all those coats and baby bags hanging over their chairs?The baby shower ended with screaming, crying children, and in came the walker brigade! Two tables set up for a 90th birthday party...elderly and deaf..more yelling. Ahhhh!

So our very expensive lunch experience came to an end and we decided to walk a bit in the park. for about 10 minutes. Until it started to pour again. "Taxi!" Why is that doorman laughing at us? He was on the inside, looking out..as we hailed another cab. back to Penn Station. Have you ever seen cattle being herded through a gate? This is how stampedes get started. Do you know what happens when crowds of people go down an escalator then STOP at the bottom instead of keeping pace with the speed of the elevator? Fortunately, disaster was averted.

Back to Westfield to shop in my favorite Houston store for some new jeans, and then back to Park St. to look at photos of what else...Houston! Ah, well, At least I know how to get to the mall.

It is the little things that count

2008-11-07T16:37:00.000-05:00

Even when you don't know it. Even when you think you are part of the furniture, blending in nicely with the copy machine/fax/scanner. As my officemate so eloquently puts it, "we are the bastard offspring nobody wants to admit are theirs." Which is why I love being in the same room with her!

And, evidently, we are the talk of the office....who knew people actually come into the copy room so they get to hang out in the "Positive Energy Parlor"-No, I can't take credit for making that one up, either. But there you have it. We actually moved someone to tears today, because they were so happy that we actually were nice people that laughed, and talked, and had fun, but not at the expense of others. I guess I thought everyone was like that!?I can be so naive. Either the people I work with are all very good at acting, or in some small way, my presence has made a positive difference.

Happiness spreads, and kindness and good deeds are healers of a lot of bad things. You never really know what someone is going through, or has gone through, for that matter, especially if you are the new kid. My approach is simple: Be nice to everyone if you possibly can. It' s hard sometimes, but you never know what trauma or heartache they may have endured in some past life. I guess I absolutely take for granted being polite, being nice, kind, compassionate and friendly. Sometimes I feel downright bitchy...but who needs that? Usually, by the time I smile and ask, what can I do to help? Or say, "I'm sorry, that sucks," I have forgotten all about my own misery.

So there you have it. Who knew the "Positive Energy Parlor" would be a magical place where people come to bare their souls and vent and complain and swear...and hear laughter. I can't help it. Sometimes things just crack me up. So when someone says, "I haven't laughed in the longest time..." don't take it for granted. Your smiles and compassion are contagious, and they do make a difference to someone..probably every day. You just may never know it.

This is for all those weirdos they can't hide away, not even in the copy room. Keep on smilin'.

Thoughts of Helen Keller

2008-11-05T18:29:00.000-05:00

Lately, I have the tendon to testify to it. Too many words popping off my keyboard, my keypad, texting, typing, clicking here, clicking there. What would happen if it all stopped? Would I suddenly be thrown into a world of silence? Cut off from the mainstream...friends, family?

What if you had no keyboard, or no phone even..no cell phone, that is? I think back to my first 2 days at my new job when I had no Internet access. I had no phone that synced with email, because I had no email. I had no office mate-I was alone, in a room, at a desk. And I went wild, absolutely wild!

Yet on the weekends, especially Saturday, silence is my solace. I wake up, I brew my joe, I read the newspaper..the REAL newspaper. I turn on television, and I may look for a movie to escape into while I wake up and unwind from a harried week at work. At work, I need to type, and communicate, all day long. There are emails, and schedules, and how to documents, and brochures, and budgets and grants. There are phone calls, and texts, and more emails. While all that is happening the office is a constant ebb and flow of administrative staff faxing and photocopying and shredding and sharpening. There is idle chatter and laughter; there is constant communication. I am there but I am not there...I am somewhere inside myself and with the help of my technology I am able to keep it all running smoothly, efficiently, for the most part, like a machine. But what happens when one thing stops working as it should?

All communication can break down. The efficiency with which all the parts of the machine operate is not miraculous, but it works. When something stops, you might as well pack it up and go home. How does work get done? If there is no ability to communicate electronically, there is a paralysis of the system. Just as any machine requires the system to be in fine working order, so does work. When one piece of the system stops...soon, other parts can no longer function as they should.

We have become so dependent on a system driven by bits of data traveling through pipes and tubes, a system that is central to our ability to communicate effectively..even beyond the walls of the workplace I wonder if we are losing our ability to reach out and communicate with real people, face to face? Every now and then I get this sinking feeling that perhaps this is truly where we are heading. In one sense it is insanely simple to reach out and communicate electronically with people you have not seen for months or years, even. But on the other hand, doesn't it lend a false sense of connectedness when you can send mass emails to dozens of friends, or leave electronic notes on a friend's wall? When what is really happening is you are sitting somewhere, with your machine and your keys, fingers flying and clicking, by yourself, in silence. And when you sign off or hit send or submit or save; and when you shut down or close the lid and go into hibernation, you are as you were.

There is no real communication without a face, without human interaction. There are messages, relayed. Communication requires someone to listen and someone to respond, if only with a look or a sign. How do you sign electronically? It is time to step away from the keyboard out of the darkness. It is time to go live. How do you want to communicate?

Gas Wars

2008-11-04T05:38:00.000-05:00

I truly do not try to step into the path of controversy and oncoming traffic, like trains, but somehow that' s where I often find myself standing-about to get hit by a bus.

It all started on All Hallow's Eve....on our way to meet up with some ghosts and goblins and one stray but very cute head butting sheep. Oh, and let's not forget Spongebob. "I'll drive!" I said, because I could sense the lack of enthusiasm for the adventure. 'Do you even know where we're going?"
'Of course! I looked it up on Google Maps! Easy!" I grabbed us a joe to go, and some cheese and crackers(it was, after all, dinner time and I could sense a little crankiness seeping in) and off we headed to trick or treat.
"You'r e gonna get gas, right?"
"No, I'm good, we'll get gas along the way...I just read it's like 2.09 in Newmarket!"
I got "THE LOOK."
"You'll never make it!"
"Of course I will! Once the light goes on I have at least 10 miles..I've never had to go further than that, so...."
And so we went, through the curving winding quickly darkening streets, out to the country. Further than I thought, but no light yet.

What a blast! It was like Trick or Treat Central! Hundreds of cars lining the side of the development, where hundreds of families with babies, strollers, wagons and glow sticks wandered aimlessly from decorated house to decorated house, filling up bags of candy. The Pink Power Ranger had run out of power and was sitting comfortably in the front seat of the double barreled stroller exclaiming to everyone she was done because too much candy wasn't too good for you.

Spongebob was on autopilot. Hesitant at first, he became a master of ringing doorbells and holding out his candy bag. The sheep was revolting, screaming and thrashing wanting to do her sheepie wandering. All 25 lbs of her needing to be hauled, while trying to avoid being head-butted. "All she needs is a lollipop and she'll quiet down. "
"Give her the glow stick!"
"Nope, tried that, she ate it." Her sheepish face was smeared in sticky, gooey, purple fruit snack, her sheep fur stuck to her fingers. The scariest one, all dressed in black with a freakishly scary mask (who knew he used to be scared of masks?) figured out his mom would hold his bag, and all he had to do was walk up to houses with his bare hands...and beg politely for a treat-"He's so lazy!"

But back to the real storey....Trick or Treat ended when the scariest one declared, "I'm done!" And we all headed back to our vehicles. "Are you gonna get gas now?"
"I will..on the way home. What do you want to do for dinner?"
"It doesn't matter to me!"
And so off we went, back to civilization, looking for eats and gas. Well, I kept driving, the light came on and Mr. Cranky Pants was getting irritated. "You're not gonna stop for gas, are you?"
"I can make it. I 'll get gas in the morning, first thing."
"You'll forget."

A quick stop at Margaritas for fajitas, then home. No gas tonight.

PART 2

SO, when I was finally ready to head out the next day, I decided to drive North for gas. The light was definitely still on, but every time I went around a corner, it went out...that's a good sign! I can definitely make it 7 miles.
I must admit, I was getting just slightly uneasy, but iIthought to myself...I am not far from home IF I run out of gas, it is just a short walk to civilization....
As I approached the main drag I had to stop at a red light. I noticed the gas station across the street was somewhat busy. I was straining my neck, trying to read the sign. "Does that say 2.03? It can't possibly say 2.03 Gas is NOT 2.03 a gallon. I was having an honest to goodness out loud conversation with myself by now.

I decided that whatever the price, I would get across the street for gas. There was a slight problem. Cars, trucks and vans were starting to line up..but there was nowhere to get in line. The angle of the pumps prevented more than 2 vehicles from waiting in line. I decided to circle around and enter the first pump from the opposite side, and so as not to block traffic I pulled up behind another pickup. I turned off my vehicle to save the embarrassment of running out of gas at the pump.

I hope this guy is actually in line! It was kinda hard to tell...with the angle we were at. Suddenly, from the opposite direction comes a very large, old folks car..like giant Buick or Lincoln or something..pulling right up behind the two cars at the pump we were waiting at. You need to understand my co-waiter and I left a traffic lane..and we did not anticipate getting cut off from the other side. Oops.

You never know what will send someone over the edge...It was a guy in the truck in front of me, and he was clearly offended by the Buick. He started ranting and raving, and approached my window. "Can you believe these *&&^&&^?"
"No problem," I could really care less. "They are not gonna get away with this!" I could sense a readiness for battle. And so it began. GAS WARS.

And my little friend was going to battle over me, apparently. All I cared about was getting my gas and getting out of there alive. Which I managed, somehow to do...only after I needed to maneuver myself out of the way of a very large gasoline tanker truck who was trying to get past the Buick. The Gasoline Warrior kept up his brave battle til the bitter end, boxing out the Buick, allowing me to pull ahead of the line and fill m tank for like 33.00! By now I had elected the strategy of NO EYE CONTACT-with anyone. As quickly as I could, I filled 'er up and maneuvered my way out of Dodge...

As I circled back by the OK Corral, I had my cell phone out, ready to take a picture of the sign with the price....and as I looked I couldn't believe my eyes. In the time it took for GAS WARS, the price had risen to 2.09 a gallon. The Gas Warrior had succeeded in some kind of moral victory, as he had forced the Buick to wait until the price went up 6 cents a gallon. But still....2.09? Not a bad day's work. And definitely worth going to war over.

It's A Boy Thing

2008-10-30T18:17:00.000-04:00

I am surrounded, it seems. Every time I turn around...boys. It suddenly occurred to me as I answered the knock on the door to yet another pack of boys, that there is a disproportionate ratio here....or maybe it's just that the boys make themselves noticed more. I suddenly find myself trying to communicate with the male species on a fairly regular basis, which is odd, considering I am working in a field predominantly occupied by women. But my role separates me out and I somehow feel like a magnet.

Case in point. I need support for my technical problems...and they are at my beck and call. I only need hit the submit button on my computer to request assistance and the phone rings. Usually I end up helping them see that I am the only one that can truly solve my problem. But they like to try. Tech workshops? Male teachers...some of whom have showed up every time. They hang on my every word as if I somehow hold the key to all things magical and wonderful.

Tech committee? Tech work groups? Maybe it's the word "Tech." I honestly did not anticipate the exuberance and zeal with which they would come calling. It somehow feels odd, being the female that holds the answers to their questions. What about my questions?

Oh, and might I add it's all ages...young, old, and in between. Where did they all come from? Perhaps it's because I came from a very different world, but I am surprised at the integrity and genuine enthusiasm as well as manners. These boys of all ages are actually polite and considerate, thoughtful and willing to learn and change and grow.

As the second pack of adolescent trick or treaters left my porch exalting in the Reese's and Kit Kats, they exclaimed,"It's our favorite! Happy Halloween! Hey put that back!.." As they admonished each other for being greedy. Dad's with babies, "Hi, we're your new neighbors!" I am besieged with flashy, toothy grins, an occasional wink, and a willingness to be on their very best behavior. Are they trying to impress me? Well, so far it's worked.

Maybe it's because for so long my expectations have been so low, and I have been cloaked in a shroud of darkness and doubt; now I am finally coming out int o the light again, and able to see and appreciate the good that is everywhere. A smile and a happy face go a long way....It is easy to smile now.

The Field of Dreams

2008-10-25T07:49:00.001-04:00

Walking out onto the plush, green, plastic grass, my footsteps disappear-there is no sound. The sun is at my back, high on the edge of the golden, brown leaves, blazing a path that runs toward the goal line. Softly I walk toward the bench and there is no sound. The stands are empty, cold and gray, waiting to spring to life. The score board is black, wiaiting to come to digital life. The lights remain off, towering high above the trees. No need to make a call to Iowa today, it will all be over before darkness falls.

I walk toward the bench, sitting in the late afternoon shadows, and I feel a chill at my back. In spite of the sun's warmth, it is going to get chilly, quickly. I lean back and listen to the silence...for a few more minutes, my face searching for the sun's sinking rays. The field is expansive, green, and silent, waiting for the whistle that will signal the beginning for one team, the beginning of the end for another. It is a field of dreams. The final home game of the season. In just minutes the switch will ignite the scoreboard, counting down the 25 minutes before the game begins.

As the home team makes their way to the end line to begin their dynamic stretching, they are relatively quiet. There is idle chit chat and nervous laughter, but it is not loud. They are not confident or cockey. They are at the same time nervous and excited and edgy. I am finding it hard to sit still, watching silently from my bench. but I stay seated for a few more minutes, basking in the late afternoon glow on this field of dreams.

Living in the moment

2008-10-23T21:42:00.000-04:00

I almost forgot. But then I remembered. How easy it is to get caught up in what happened in the past or what hasn't yet happened. How easy it is to go through the motions, to try to prevent the rats from winning the race. It is too easy to not pay attention, to easy to be too busy, too easy not to notice the small details. And so it is important to remember the most important time is now...the most important one is the one you are with, and the most important thing is to help the one you are with. It is easy to forget if you're not careful....So whatever happens, happens..some things are simply beyond our control. Take pleasure in being in the moment....the moment is the journey, the journey is the moment.

We were there.

2008-10-20T21:12:00.000-04:00

It's the season for Fall TV. Are you ready for some football? It's a time to look back and reflect on the year, as we head into the final stretch.The Red Sox are done..defeated brilliantly by the young upstart Tamp Rays..the 'new" rival. Remember the big Tampa Bay brawl at Fenway Park early in the season? Coco rushed the pitchers mound and ended up on the bottom of the pile. What ishappening? Get out your phone! Take a picture! This is great! Who knew that bench clearing brawl would foreshadow the October rivalry...who knew that fracus would be replayed over and over and over again on TBS (they suck) and ESPN, and NECSN(My favorite)Did you know we were there?

Do you remember the first game the Patriots lost in like forever? Actually, since they played the Miami Dolphins in Miami last December, 2007....remember that game? Remember Tom Brady? I can tell you we were sitting at the top of the stadium, in the 80 degree sunshine, and we couldn't believe our eyes....yep..we were there!

Remember the last regular season game of the football season..December 29, 2007: Pats vs. Giants at Giant Stadium? The Pats were down..we were fearing for our lives and thinking bad karma..let's get outta here ..when from the parking lot we heard the stadium erupt in cheers...Patriots fans!!! We were there!! Well, we were actually in the parking lot, does that count?

And who can forget the US Open at Torrey Pines in June? Tiger Woods' last tournament of the year...hitting from the cart path over my head, onto the green of the first hole...on in 2.Who can forget the epic playoff with the relatively unknown Rocco Mediate? We were there....close enough to get pictures of Rocco..close enough to get buzzed by Tiger's golf ball as it wooshed over the gallery's heads.

They are auctioning off pieces of Yankee Stadium....what' s left? That place, steeped in history...layers of chipping paint, concrete, and gritty NY trash. Who knew? Maybe I should've left my mark...maybe I should have grabbed a souvenir. Perhaps I can get a price for my ticket stub on Ebay....Yankee Stadium...The Final Season... we were there.

Hold the rope...

2008-10-09T08:11:00.000-04:00

This is not an original story...but one that goes back thousands of years. If you were hanging from the edge of a cliff by a mere rope..who would you trust to be holding the other end of that rope? If you can say the names of one or two of your very best friends who you would trust with your life....well, then that would not be enough. Read the following story:

"Every year a professional basketball team wins the championship. Every year a college basketball team wins the NCAA title. Every year the best high school team in Division A on down wins the state crown. All these teams have one thing in common. No matter how tough it became throughout their season they did one thing---they held the rope!

What is “holding the rope”? Imagine that you are hanging from the edge of a cliff with a drop of twenty thousand feet. The only thing between you and a fall to your death is a rope with the person of your choice on the other end. Who do you know that has the guts to pull you to safety? Who will hold the rope? Who do you know that is going to let that rope burn his hand and no let go? How many people you know are going to withstand the burning pain and watch the blood drip from their hands for you?

If you can name two people; that is not good enough, because those two people might not be around when you need them. The next time your team is together, look around and ask yourself; who could I trust to hole the rope? Who is going to let their hands bleed for me? When you can look at every member on your team and say to yourself that they all would hold the rope, you are destined to win a lot of ball games. You see, the team that holds the rope when the going gets tough is winners. When you are down by four points with thirty seconds to go, don’t give up. Yell at your teammates to hold the rope, let it burn, but don’t let go.

Every year there are winners and losers in all sports. Every year the winners hold the rope. You don’t have to be the best team on the floor to win the game. If you play with poise and do what your coaches ask of you and most of all---hold the rope---you will be successful. No matter what sport you play, in order to win, you have to have a commitment to your team. If you are supposed to run three times per week, do it. If you have to lift weights three times per, don’t miss. Once you start letting up at practice or start missing your workouts, you’ve killed the team because you didn’t hold the rope.

Don’t let your team down. You’ve got to hold the rope!"

Hold the rope...a metaphor for life....

2008-10-02T19:11:00.000-04:00

So it really feels good to be blogging again. Apparently, I have alot to say. "Has anyone ever called you Chatty Cathy?"

So I have decided to pay attention more to the smaller details in life...to be more observant about things when I am in the moment. Like today I noticed that on my way to work each morning, I am on the road with the same vehicles. One vehicle in particular, an orange VW bug, with a very unique license plate...today I noticed. And I thought, I wonder how many other people are going in the same direction as me. And I wonder where everyone is going? Where the heck are all these southbound people going? Where do they work? And why is the bridge so crowded between 7:30 and 8am every morning? I wonder if the bridge is congested after 8? Or before 7? All very good questions....don't you think?

I am a procrastinator. I know that about myself. it is the one thing I need to really work on because it can be annoying and makes me frantic. I also think it's because I'm a control freak, and by procrastinating I am trying to control the inevitable. I want things to be on my terms, in my time zone. It is not okay, and it is rude. So I am really going to try to be timely and on time. I swear.

My last thought is about how annoying it is to have the MLB playoffs on TBS. Who are they anyways? And who are the annoying sports commentators who apparently know nothing about any of our teams? It's just not right. I miss my NESN boys. There's just too much objectivity. It is boring me to tears. I think I will turn my television to mute and turn on wrko Shaws radio network. I do not need someone describing what I am watching. Tell me stories, make me laugh, make me think. DO not bore me...please.

So that's all for now. I'm still waiting for my power cord to arrive or appear so I can import my itunes library. See what I get for procrastinating? If I had done this back in May, I would not have misplaced the powercord. I would be listening to my Mama Mia soundtrack on my Bose, enjoying life. Until tomorrow....

Random Thoughts

2008-09-30T18:53:00.000-04:00

You knew this day was coming! All the random shit that' s been spinning around upstairs has nowhere else to go except here. SO here you go.

Every day when I wake up and get ready to get into my little red truck to drive to work, it never once dawned on me until today that I actually drive through at least two climate zones. And I have been caught unprepared. Today, for example, where I live it's balmy, partly cloudy, and dry. By the time I have paid two tolls, it is drizzling-cold and damp. By the time I arrive at work, I am clearly in another climate zone. I am not wearing a jacket, I am not carrying an umbrella.Crap. I am almost in Canada.

Gas prices used to be fairly consistent no matter where you bought gas...now I find myself amazed that there is a 20 cent difference per gallon, the next town over. Why? Who knows! But I Will plan my commute to take advantage of the extra 3.20 worth of gas I can squeak out. This is one of the useless pieces of information I carry around with me from day to day.

What is it with me and web sites? Do I look like a webmaster? Sometimes it's best to pretend you know nothing. I know nothing. DO not ask me if I can fix this or post that or make it happen. I know too much. Shhhh, don't tell anyone.

Why is it when you feel well enough to test the limits of your body, rarely is it a good idea. I am writing about it so I won't do it; things like Body Combat, the driving range....aww shucks. We'll stick to ice, massage and rest.

Why is it you can never find exactly what you need in the heat of the moment?.but you know it will turn up when you no longer need it, when you least expect it, in the most random location.

The days are getting shorter, the sun a little lower in the sky, the leaves are starting to turn, and it has been two years. Two years ago I was making apple pie and blogging on the Care Pages. Two years ago was an eternity. Two years ago was like yesterday. Life is the same...field hockey, apple picking, football, soxtober. But everything is different...new houses, new babies, new jobs, new outlook on life; goals have been accomplished, challenges met, dreams dreamed...life is good. Two years is good....time is good.....

So that's it for September. We're moving on....more random shit to follow.

How much is it worth to love your job?

2008-09-26T17:32:00.000-04:00

Today I knew it. I felt it, and it felt great. For the first time since I started my new job I really knew I loved what I do. I kinda knew it when it didn't matter that my office space was the size of a desk, and the chair I sat in wiggled and if I leaned way back I would land on the floor. I kinda knew it when I walked into the staff room (next door to my office) and there was FREE coffee! I kinda knew it when I could hear co workers laughing down the hall...often. I also kinda knew it when I was asked to play a practical joke on a co worker my first day on the job.

I could almost feel it when my truck rolled over the bridge in the morning sun and I had the sailboats on either side of me in the point, like a picture postcard. I would think to myself.."How lucky am I to be seeing this!?""
But I didn't really know it 100 %. I knew the job had potential...all kinds of potential, and I could feel it deep down in my bones, but I couldn't quite put my finger on it.

I kinda felt it every time I met someone new and they already knew who I was! I kinda knew it when I realized i could walk to almost all my schools, if I really wanted exercise. I could.

I kinda knew it when I walked into the other school, and no matter what day I entered, at 10:00 lunch smelled fantastic! You could smell the meal of the day throughout the entire school..and they don't even have a caf! The children eat at their desks.

I also kinda knew it when, on Fridays, Dunkin Donuts was a treat...for the office. People cannot afford to go to Dunk's twice a day every day for coffee;that' s what the Mr. Coffee is for.

And then there's the stories..of naughty puppies eating library books, and of "how I met Jackson Brown; and who is that hot soccer player? Taylor somebody? There are stories of Gilette Stadium, and Yankee Stadium. There are stories of pre school, and softball, and of mothers and children.

All of a sudden, today felt good. I did not feel like the new girl anymore. I felt like one of the office. When I ventured out to another district, I did not feel like the new girl anymore.

Today I finally knew it was all worth it when I knew I made a difference and suddenly I felt like I fit in and it was all gonna be okay, no matter what. It was rainy and dreary, and my back hurt, but it was a good day. In spite of the tolls, and the commute, and the gas, and the budget, and the longer days, I knew it was worth it.

How much is it worth to love what you do? How much is it worth to get to teach people how to do very cool stuff with whatever technology they have? How much is it worth to have people you don't even know, be excited enough to share something with you their mother shared with them?
Small things do make a difference in the every day lives of people we touch. I get to do that now, every day. Small things. With great things to come.

Things I used to be good at...

2008-09-21T08:08:00.000-04:00

Five and a half days of caring for a 1 year old and a 3 year old has brought back memories, as well as reminded me what I used to take for granted oh so many years ago. My grown children are NOW impressed with the abilities I had to make sure all my children survived their childhood years. I took it for granted when I was in my twenties. I am now impressed with myself! What was I thinking? I guess there was no time to think way back then...it was survival of the fittest-it was being smarter than a 3 year old- it was every man for himself.

Here is what I used to be good at:

Functioning with 4 hours sleep, or 6 hours sleep interrupted every two hours, for 30 minutes at a time. I could have been a firefighter!!

Finding "binkies" -pacifiers, in the dark, on my knees, by feel only- with this skill I could have been a special forces soldier, successfully completing secret missions in the night..

Running up and down stairs, carrying a screaming, kicking 30 pound weight in one arm, and securing the lid of a sippie cup- one handed, in the other hand.

Packing all the necessities required in the event of any kind of evacuation or emergency-every time you leave the house. I think the Boy Scouts call this "Be Prepared!"

Living as a hermit..unable to leave the house or the room, even, for more than 2 minutes, by yourself. I guess I could have been a contestant on Big Brother!

Remembering to knock on the door when you are leaving the bathroom..to make sure you don't knock over the baby on the other side who is banging on the door.

Knowing the difference between the hungry cry, the mad cry, the thirsty cry, the tired cry, and the "I've lost my binkie cry" which sounds exactly like all the other cries.

Living on finger foods: chicken nuggets, mixed veggies, cheerios, toast, scrambled eggs, and macaroni, raviolo or A,B,C's. I am hoping this is a new kind of diet....no seriously.

Eating dinner at 4:30 and going to bed at 8. No seriously.

I used to do all this effortlessly with cheer. Well, maybe not with cheer. But I could do it, times 4. Of course living in a constant state of goo, toys and babytalk may have caused atrophy to the brain cells a little bit. Or perhaps it was functioning on very little sleep. Who knows?

All I know is my laptop has not come out of its case, and I cannot even remember what day it is. But enough reminiscing..it is 8:30 am and it is already nap time!

Happy Birthday

2008-09-11T18:25:00.000-04:00

Today is September 11, my daughter's birthday. I was reminded when I woke up this morning and turned on the news, that never again will this day be totally about her birthday..or "all about her" as we like to say. And it made me sad.

I am sad for her because her much anticipated 16th birthday was supposed to be the most special day ever 7 years ago....I am sad for mankind that September 11 is a day, like Pearl Harbor Day, that will live in our hearts and minds forever, but not for a happy reason.
On the 16th anniversary of my youngest daughter's birth, there was no party. Instead, there was fear, insecurity, tears and frustration.

In the years since, the celebrations have never quite lived up to anyone's expectations. It is, after all, the anniversary of the bombing of the World Trade Center..which we have vowed never to forget.

Maybe, like Pearl Harbor Day, in 50 years, the pain of September 11 will be appeased, but the day will never lose its significance.

Today I woke up and felt for my daughter, who was just a little bit crankier than usual last night, in anticipation of her birthday. She is like any other young person, wanting to have her special day, her day in the sun, and all around her, throughout the day, are somber reminders of tragedy, and heroics, of terror, and of loss.

So I will spend time with her and we will all try to make her day as special as we can, knowing that we cannot ever erase what has happened, nor can we pretend that life as we knew it will ever be the same.

Masha, Marsha, Marsha....

2008-09-06T07:39:00.000-04:00

I miss my aunt. In weird ways, because it's not like I saw her all the time or very often. But it's like I could conjure her up whenever I wanted to. I knew she was there, just a phone call away. Now I conjure her up and I can see her in my mind as clear as if it were the other day, before she was sick. She is my Aunt Marsha. She is happy, full of life, fun, and funny. She is daring and cute and loving and kind. She smokes like a chimney and swears and gambles. She is my aunt.

Now when I see her she is only in my mind and in my heart. She comes to me at random times. I know she is in a better place, but I miss her, still. I miss knowing I cannot call her anymore or hear her voice. There will be an empty chair, now, at family events. She will not be physically present. I know she will be there, somewhere, in our hearts and in our minds. I can hear her voice and see her face. But she's not there.

It amazes me this whole process of saying good-bye. I can see how some people can never truly say good bye. Saying goodbye feels like the end. So I will not say good bye. I will say, Godspeed. And so my aunt will continue to come to me randomly, I'm sure..when I am still, and quiet and ready. I treasure those moments, because they are fleeting. There is a lesson in there somewhere, I'm sure, but it is all too much for me to analyse at the moment. So instead, I will just accept it for what it is and remember my aunt.

It's a whole new season for questions...

2008-09-03T06:33:00.001-04:00

If you ever want to change things up, start a new job! If you ever were feeling bored, unchallenged, or full of yourself..try starting over. Where do I begin?
After 3 weeks I am still in that..."She's still here!" stage..."Do you still like it?"
"Is it what you thought it would be?"
And my favorite...."So.....how's it going?" As they tilt their head and look sideways, not sure they want to hear my answer.

As if I would actually say what is REALLY on my mind!

Every day I make at least 5 lists...things to do, people to see, places to go, questions to ask, things I need...and so on. Believe it or not, things do get crossed off the list! I have decided to try a new tactic today. Instead of spending an hour or so on each task, I am going to pick 1 task and be thorough about it. Like my web page. Yuck. It is a disaster. So, I need to just plug away and get something finished so I can publish, and say, "THAT JOB IS DONE."

I need to be more adventurous and go exploring, like take a road trip and visit people. But I remember what it was like to be a teacher the first week of school and have tech people wander into my room and expect me to drop everything to see what they wanted or needed. That is not how to make friends and influence people.

So, for now I will try to get stuff done. I will continue to make my lists and cross things off. I will be positive and cheery and helpful, and when people ask, "How's it going?" I will say what I always say, "It's going great!!"

And, as usual, whenever I see someone, I start the conversation with..."I have a question....if you have a second." Most people have some sort of answer, and I get some of my questions answered. It's a pretty good gig. I do have a ton of questions, however, and I am still learning to be patient, patient , patient.

Today is a new day...it's a whole new season for questions.

What is Pearl Harbor Day?

2008-09-01T07:37:00.000-04:00

Decemeber 7. My grandson's date of birth. He's 6 now, and likes to ask random questions. (Wonder where that comes from?) "What is Pearl Harbor Day?" First he needed to know how to say it , cuz it came out sounding something like Porl Hubba. We have told him since he was born his birthday is Pearl Harbor Day. So now he knows it is a naval base in Hawaii. And the Navy...his great grandfather was in the Navy during WWII, but not in Pearl Harbor on December 7.

Speaking of the Navy and WWII, my father in law is 85, and recently went home to Florida with my mother -in-law, ending their summer in NH early because he has a bad back. He has had quite a life..most of the exciting parts coming before I was born. Much of the excitement coming from the time he spent in the Navy during WWII. Who knew? Now I wish I had written his stories down right after he told them..because the details are fuzzy in my mind. It has nothing to do with the Labor Day cookout and the Pina Coladas...

Stories come out randomly, and they are like little surprises. Earlier this summer we were chatting about their neighbors in Woburn when he was growing up. Then off to the Navy he went. He started telling us how they took back this little village in France, and brought back a ton of loot to the ship, including guns. On the way back to the ship his buddy asked if he could grab one of the guns for a souvenir. His buddy didn't have any room in his locker to store it, so my father in law said "Sure, I'll see what I can do..no guarantees." They were not supposed to keep anything for themselves, personally, let alone a gun! So the next time they had a layover, my father in law secretly whisked the gun off the ship wrapped in clothes, and shipped the gun to his friend's house in Woburn.

Now here's where the story gets fuzzy. Some time recently someone who knew that family met my in laws in Florida.....and told the story of that gun and how much it meant to that sailor's family. It stayed in their family for years and was passed down for generations. Just a story...obviously a much more interesting one told from my father in law's point of view...he described the little French village, he described the invasion, the sailors, his friends,and the capture of prisoners, and the release of the French. He described how much trouble he would have been in if he had been caught with that gun! (And of course he described the gun IN DETAIL.!)

But he took it anyways, for his friend, no big deal, and wondered whatever became of his friend and that gun. Some 60 years later the story comes full circle with an ending you could not make up. I should have written it down. Next time I will.

Write down your stories.

Do A Little Dance.....

2008-08-16T15:32:00.000-04:00

Make a little love...get down tonight..Okay, so you know how the rest of the song goes.
"Would you like to go see KC and the Sunshine Band?"
Sure!
Let me say this one thing. Baby Boomers do not want to go see other baby boomers singing songs they made popular 30 years ago...really. I thought I did...but it was bad from the beginning. The Sunshine Band part was great..young, hip, talented. KC, well....thirty years equals thirty pounds, thinning hair, wrinkles, and WAY too much purple and glitter. I imagine a few too many road shows has made KC tired. The hips just ain't shakin' the way they used to, and the moves are just a little sloppy. Disheveled would be a good word to describe it.

We knew we were in trouble when they brought out a yellow cardigan thing to go over his black t shirt and trousers. To cover up the flabby belly most likely. And his big ass.

And the dancing girls...well, maybe they used to be girls, once. Now they are like a brick house...mighty, mighty and lettin' it all hang out. Eeeeeewe. They certainly would not win any prizes on reality tv shows like "But Can They Dance?"

After about an hour, I kind of lost interest. I think our sky box was the only group not up shakin their booty.

KC was gracious in his old age, however, and could easily laugh at himself. "What the hell happened?" he shouted. I woke up and I'm not young anymore!

Join us, KC. The room was filled with 40 and 50 somethings thinking they still looked 20 or 30. From my vantage point there was a lot of fake blonde hair, sagging body parts, and thinning scalps. I bet KC was feeling it the next day.

Thoughts on eggs and bad 80's music

2008-08-04T06:18:00.000-04:00

I am glad to be going to work today and for the rest of summer. Vacation as I know it is over. Did I say vacation? Going back to work will be a vacation after the last few weeks. I am thinking of writing an essay: "What I Did On My Summer Vacation." Except it would read like fiction.

"Why are you stressed?" my husband asked the other day...He decided he should take me out to celebrate our wedding anniversary..which happened to fall in the middle of a three day golf tournament that recently concluded.

"Are you serious?" I got transferred to a job I didn't want, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, my aunt died, I hurt my back, my mom is needy, my kids are at my house every day, it has rained almost every day, I got a new job, I had to resign my old job, I am teaching a class right now, I am teaching another calss next week and I start a new job in 2 weeks. My house got egged, I have no money, and the builders across the street are forcing me to close my windows and suffocate or listen to Barry Manilow blaring Mandy all day long. Are you kidding me?"

"Oh."

So the other night I heard something hit my house in the middle of the night-because I was laying awake for hours trying to go back to sleep. In the morning I discovered egg-gooey, sticky, egg yolk, egg white and shells all over my roof, my windows and my porch. Have fun golfing honey, while I spend the morning using the hose and goo-gone to scrub the nasty raw egg off our house. Of course, Barry Manilow was singing away amidst the electric saws.

That afternoon I spent entertaining...again. A house full of small children and large children. Grown men should not be allowed to drink margaritas..especially after spending the day golfing.

Day 2 of a three day weekend dawns. I should have gone away to some secluded island spa. More bad 80's music. More cleaning, more rain. Dinner is good..it is a guilt dinner, so of course I make him pay and drink lots of wine.

Day 3. My anniversary. Who cares? My mom comes by at noon, I entertain her and feed her lunch; my daughter comes by and spends the next 2 hours trying to control my grandsons. It thunders and there is lightening, and it pours and we are all sitting around looking at each other. Except for Aidan who is climbing all over the furniture and waging a cookie war with his mom.

The first shift leaves and the second shift arrives. The weekend golfer finally comes home and wonders why I am stressed. It is still raining. I have done nothing fun all weekend and you have done nothing BUT have fun all weekend. I went grocery shopping and have spent the day cooking and feeding people. I have a great idea! Why don't you stay for dinner! I can cook for you and clean up after you and entertain you. I can do it because I know tomorrow I am going back to work and I will have all the time in the world to relax.

A summer and a weekend that cannot end soon enough as far as I am concerned. There is a reason people go away on vacation. Maybe if I act now I can book a room for next weekend.

ER: The Reality Show

2008-07-24T11:00:00.003-04:00

So what it is about emergency room medical care? There is a reason you need a primary care physician no matter where you go. If you travel, be prepared to pack your own MD.

I think 8 hours in an emergency waiting room might be some kind of a record for me. It was worse because I was wearing a watch, and was hungry and cranky. By midnight I was just plain tired. In spite of the steady stream of characters that came and went while my father in law was being tested, tested, tested, the night was a total wash...and not because of the torrential rains.

We had normal people....who came and were diagnosed with appendicitis about 6 hours after they arrived; we had an elderly gentleman who had been seen in the Quick Care section...hours earlier...who was told "you need to be seen in the other section...sorry about that. "We had a tattooed drug addict demanding to be seen because he could not stand the itching any longer- going through withdrawal symptoms -crashing the examining room area. We had a patient leave the confines of the examining room area and wander outside in his slippers and johnnie...Where's the security in these places??We had a nurse manager who was kind of an ER Nazi of sorts. We saw her shift end at 11pm. We were still there when the midnight visitors arrived...whole families who arrived and hung out in the waiting room waiting for some Tylenol.

And then there was my sister in law and me...who, by virtue of seniority, owned the waiting room after being the first and last ones there.(8 hours) We had birthday cake in the truck for my mother in law, but it felt kind of rude to be eating cake in front of indigents. SO we waited, and we waited, and we were really bad about being patient.

We watched the Red Sox beat Seattle in 12 innings; we watched Hurricane Dolly over, and over, and over again on the Weather Channel, and we waited....

In the end...around 1am, it was determined that all the dreaded possibilities that could be, did not exist...and all that was left was a really hurting back...so with 3 pain pills and an umbrella, we all left. We headed back to the RV for birthday cake and a very short night's sleep.

ER...for real. Could have been a mini series or an epic, but there wasn't enough action.

The House that Ruth Built

2008-07-21T20:59:00.000-04:00

Some things cannot live up to the legend...Yankee Stadium is best left to Hollywood and the imagination or perhaps the memory of glory days long past.

First there was the Alll Star Game, hosted by Yankee Stadium. The stadium was packed with people. It shined in the night and I thought, how cool is that? We are gonna be there!

Then, in preparation for a long anticipated trip the home of the Bronx Bombers we watched Billy Crystal's HBO movie *61; the story of Roger Maris and Mickey Mantle-teammates on the 1961 Yankees, both on track to break Babe Ruth's single season homerun record. The movie was great..but Billy Crystal's documentary on how he directed the movie and remade Tiger Stadium into Yankee Stadium in 1961 rang with passion. He loves the Yankees, and Yankee Stadium. The anticipation and expectation were just too much.

Easy to get to? Kinda...except NYC in the middle of July is just downright hot....and the subway stations are not air conditioned. Take the number 4 train...you can get a ticket at the booth down at the track. The guy in the booth was getting a chuckle watching my husband try to figure out what he wanted, and how he was going to get thru the turnstyle. He knew better...he came out from behind the glass to give LB a tutorial on swiping his card. On to the Number 4 train to Yankee Stadium. Sometimes it pays to be a tourist. Did I mention it was 95 degrees and humid? And the trains are not air conditioned either. But we were on our way to Yankee Stadium! The house the Ruth built!

I can see it! As the Number 4 train rumbled up alongside the stadium...the old stadium standing adjacent to the colosseum like new stadium scheduled to open next spring. All I could see was a sea of blue seats through a space in the outfield wall.

The train came to a halt and off we got...as I looked down the fire escape like structure onto the street below I was awestruck. What a dump! street vendors hawking t shirts..sleazy sports bars spilling out onto the nasty sidewalk; trash littering the ground..just a concrete jungle. Up overhead loomed the subway train tracks as the Number 4 train continued on its way.

Throngs of people headed like cattle to an opening in the cement wall...where's Gate number 2?
'Oh, around the other way."
"What do you mean you can't bring backpacks into the stadium?"
"You'll have to go over across form Gate Number 6 to the Bowling Alley to check your bag."
"Crap, my camera battery is just died!"
No one is ever going to believe this place without pictures.

Cracked cement, peeling paint, gloomy lighting, dank, dark and depressing.

Out onto the field the sun is shining and the stands go on forever, but the fact remains, it is a dump. No wonder the yankees hate Boston so much..they gotta be jealous of Fenway Park!

All I can say is they need a new stadium....and I hope they appreciate it. From the nasty food, to the grumpy people, to the flower pots acting as trash recepticals, Yankee Stadium is one place that is best remembered for how it used to be. Some people like old..say it lends character. I am just a spoiled Boston fan looking for a bit of history. Guess I'll watch the DVD.

The ultimate resort experience

2008-07-18T06:45:00.000-04:00

It's here! That' s right! I have a swimming pool..so you know what that means. The place where no self respecting teenager would ever want to "hang out" has now become the ultimate summertime resort. Lounge chairs, beverages, snacks, popsicles and a pool. We even offer rooms for naps if needed. I can't complain, except it is constant. Sometimes everyone is here at once....other times we have morning sessions and afternoon sessions. My children used to call me maybe once aweek...now it's at least once a day. The conversation often goes like this:

" Hey, are you gonna be home today?" or "Hi, it's me, I was just calling to check in.....are you guys gonna be home today?" or "What are you doing?" that's a loaded question. What I should say is, "I am vaccuuming the pool, washing the dishes, wiping the drool off the hardwood floors, and cleaning cookie scum off my sofa. I am straightening my magazines and I need to go to the grocery store because we are out of beer and juice and diet Pepsi. And white bread."

But I must say it can be very entertaining. We have at least one temper tantrum every hour. The youngens are learning attitude from each other...how to talk back with a tone, roll their eyes, and bat their eyelashes to get their own way. We are learning how to help out, clean up after ourselves, open and shut the screen door, and use a watering can to water weeds.

We are also learning who can do the best belly flop off the diving board, how to breath using a snorkel, and which goggles look the most attractive with our swimsuit.

This resort offers recreational activities not too far away..such as golf, bike riding and wiffle ball. And there are often resident experts on hand to offer lessons.

So, for the price of a bottle of wine or a six pack and some Cheeze-its, the ultimate resort experience can be yours. Don't bother to call to see if I'm home or ask what I'm doing....if I don't answer the phone it's because I'm busy getting ready for my guests. Just show up with your suit and towel. I recommend an SPF sunscreen of at least 45 though, because the sun can get hot hanging out on the deck.
See you at the pool.

Summertime Thoughts

2008-07-01T18:59:00.000-04:00

It has been awhile. since my last post.There is no avoiding it...summer has arrived. In spite of New Hampshire's version of June Gloom, summer is officially here. So far, not so good. So far we have had to say goodbye to my aunt, and we will miss her terribly. It is a reminder not to take things for granted..especially people. There are some people-friends and relatives- I swear I have not seen in years. Unfortunately, sometimes 6 weeks can be too long. Make a point of spending time with people you care about. What would happen if they were to disappear from your life today?

So far there has been a lot of rain..afternoon thunderstorms. Are we living in Florida or NH? It is a process when it rains..there are umbrellas, pool toys and cushions ....I have decided to leave the cushions out...so what it if they get wet.

So far not much golf. I am supposed to be on vacation! How is it I have no time for leisure activities? I have had to book hair, nails, massage, and golf. I have had relatives dropping in, staying over. I have even had to clean and cook!! I want to go back to work I think.....I'm tired of being on vacation.

So far I have met a guy from Illinois who moved to California who finished sentences with "Right on!" He has long dreadlocks, tatoos, wears birkies and John Lennon sunglasses. Right on!

I have a new list, it's called:
THINGS I WANT TO DO THIS SUMMER. I wonder how many things will get crossed off? A couple, I hope.

I want to tour the Sam Adams Brewery;
I want to go see a Fisher Cats game, or Portland Sea Dogs, I'm not fussy.
I want to take the Downeaster to somewhere..I haven't decided yet. I love trains. I
want to go away, to a place with a pool, and do nothing for 2 days except do nothing. No worries...no phone calls, no computer, no television.
I want to read my neighbor's book UNREQUITED
I want to organize my photos (that' son the long list, too.)
And I want to have at least 2 parties

So there it is. Summer is here. I am hopeful and happy. It is a time to regenerate and renew and relax. If only I can find a few minutes...

The Truth About Golfers

2008-06-22T08:39:00.000-04:00

So, you ask, what is it like to see real professional tour golfers up close and in person? Well, I guess it's kind of like seeing a celebrity in person. Once they jump off the TV screen onto the fairway, they are just regular people...with some really cool clothes.

For example, from my living room couch, I thought Tiger Woods was at least 6'4. Apparently, the only reason his smaller frame looks so much larger than everyone else's, is because many of the golfers are small....like, I mean, 6 ft tall or less. Yes, that's right. Who knew? They also come in all shapes and sizes. Most of them are lean and not very large, either. Tiger is ripped, and Phil is trying to pump it up, but pretty much, their muscles are long and lean. I would have to say Vijay is probably one of the tallest golfers on the tour, but that could be becuse he is sooooo slim. Apparently he is not very nice to people along the course, either, especially when things don't go his way.

The most sylish dressers are definitely the Europeans. Tiger is very conservative. and who is responsible for Phil's wardrobe? I think he is trying to reinvent himself, and it is not working, at least for me.

The caddies are amazing. The golfers totally rely on their caddies for information, guidance and of course, to lug their bags around.

The biggest lesson I learned by observing the best golfers in the world is:
1) There are ALOT of bad golf shots...and not many great ones
2) Golfers keep their bodies REALLY still. There is an amazing efficiency of movement so that all of their energy is transferred to that little golf ball.
3) A Positive attitude goes a very long way. It was very obvious that when shots went bad, the golfers who kept their wits about them ended up in a better place than those who threw their clubs.
4) And it really is all about the putt. Champions are determined more often than not by 3 feet or less.

Everyone should have the opportunity to see the people we idolize up close, in person. Turns out, they really do exist, and they are just like you and me....only a whole lot better at golf.

California Dreamin'

2008-06-19T22:03:00.000-04:00

Okay, so there are some things I noticed while traveling out west. These are just some of the random thoughts that went through my head:

Things that are large-sunglasses. Women wear gigantic sunglasses-huge!

Things that are small- dogs. They are everywhere. It is like there is a size limit on the pooches.

What to wear to a golf tournament-just about anything goes. What amazed me most was women in dresses and heels, wandering out along the cart path to the 13th hole-hilly, steep terrain. How do they do that? I walked all day in running shoes and my feet and legs were killing me. I bet they practice..alot.

Everything is dry..and dusty...lots of dust. No wonder when a fire starts it spreads so quickly.

Nobody works..or so it seems. They surf by day and party by night.Maybe surfing is their job!

Everyone appears to love life and be in great physical shape. Could be all the jogging, biking, surfing and yoga. Could be that nobody works.

Gas prices are through the roof already. Way over 4 bucks a gallon.

I still love how you can buy a fifth of scotch at the CVS. Guess they know what cures you!

June gloom only exists inside the 5 mile stretch between I5 and the ocean. They make a hufe deal of it on the news every day. They do not know what June gloom is. At least you can drive a short distance to where it is sunny. Here in the Northeast you muyst wait for months for November through June gloom to pass. They do not know what June gloom is.

Thrift shops and second hand stores are big. Probably because nobody works....

Manicures and pedicures are cheap. You can get a mani and a pedi at the smae time! While watching a soap opera!

Mexican food is huge. I hope you like burritos, tacos, enchiladas and nachos. And you need a margarita to wash it all down.

Blonde is the preferred hair color of choice..although if you are Mexican or Native American, that certainly won't work for you.

So there you have it, some random California observations. I wonder what Californians think of us?

Traveling Adventures Part II

2008-06-18T07:00:00.000-04:00

So we have already established that traveling with me is an adventure...one that is fun and full of surprises. And it is always worth the trip.

I recently returned from a trip to the west coast to visit a relative, and to see golf's greatest players in the world live and up close. Well, they were definitely alive, and the greatest players were kinda close, but the trip held unexpcted fun times as well. I will try to remember most of it, if you can keep in mind this is from my point of view only.....I'm sure others would have a very different take on this particular story.

Chapter 1: Babies, babies everywhere!

So who takes their child on a 6 hour non-stop flight across the USA? My husband, excited to be heading to California, is also excited to get a window seat, hoping to catch a glimpse of , I don't know, the Grand Canyon or something, 4 -5 hours into his first cross country flight. Too bad someone forgot to tell the young couple with the very agitated baby sitting right next to him. After 4 hours of off and on (but mostly on) again crying, whining, fussing and squirming, "Would you please close your window shade so he can try to sleep?" Not good. More crying and screaming and squirming. "Would you like anything to drink?" the flight attendent asks. "Can I get another Heineken?" The lady next to me asks. I am sitting BEHIND the screaming baby. The flight attendent brings the Heineken to the baby's father by mistake. Hey, maybe he'll give the baby the Heineken and we can all enjoy the last leg of this flight. Honey did I tell you Cousin Dottie is babysitting her grandaughter for the next three days? And she has 2 cats-but they won't bother us, and I bet that baby never cries......

Chapter 2: We're in California so who cares?

Off to buy stuff. The US Open Merchandise Pavilion, where my husband has volunteered to work 20 hours, is open to the public the weekend before the Open. It is like a mall. It is the size of a football field, built next to the first fairway between the North Course and the South Course at Torrey Pines. We drive along Coastal Highway 101 along the shores of the Pacific Ocean from Encinitas to La Jolla. Oh, Solana Beach! That's where the surfer got eaten by a shark! Oh, and La Jolla..the trial for the murder of that La Jolla surfer by a so called surfer gang, involving a UNH football player, is coming up the end of the month. Isn't California swell?

Chapter 3: The Way Life Should Be

A tee time at Coronado Golf Course. As a twosome at a busy municiple course, you always get paired up with other golfers. Most of the time it works out nicely. You meet new people, and have a good time, good laughs. Today was a bonus. We got to golf with two really nice guys who introduced themselves as Navajo Indians from New Mexico. How cool is that? And, they were running for political office of their tribe. They were in town for the Open, just like us. We had a blast. Our golf sucked, we hit trees, drank beer, and looked out at the harbor under the California sunshine.

Chapter 4: Does anyone ship wine?

What do I have to do to get California wine shipped to my house? It is getting ridiculous. We woke up to June Gloom, and decided to venture inland and north in search of sunshine and vineyards. We found both. Our first stop surprised us. We walked into a gigantic tasting room, where we were the only two tasters.....10 minutes later a tour bus filled with French tourists pulled up and we had an instant party. 50 French tourists, the two of us, and several servers who did not speak French. We will be buying wine, but how shall we get it home? Let's worry about that later.... After a morning of wine tasting, we head back down to San Diego in search of the USS Midway. We decide to do a quick tour, and then head over to Petco Park to get Padres vs Dodgers tickets. Before the game, we go over to The Fish Market for dinner. I am tired, but hey, I'm on vacation and the fun is just beginning. So we tour the Midway, we eat dinner, then we go watch Joe Torrey make mincemeat of the Padres. Now I know why we think the Red Sox are so great. Because they are!!!

Chapter 5: Dry Run

"Did you set the alarm?"

"Yep! I set it for 4:45 am." Tomorrow is my husband's first tour of duty. It is an official practice day at the Open.

"Good, that 'll give us more than enough time."

I am so exhausted I cannot see straight. The baby, cousin Dottie's grandaughter, by the way, does not cry. She does not fuss, she does not whine. Just for the record. We both sleep like babies..until the alram goes off. Crap! I jump out of bed and stumble to shut the cell phone alarm off. My husband stumbles out of bed, shaves and asks, "Do I have enough time for shower?"

Man am I tired!!

"Sure..." I am pulling on my shorts and shirt and grab my watch....

"Oh no!"

"What's wrong?"

"Oh no, I can't believe it! It's only 2:45!! I must've forgot to check to make sure thsi was s et for Pacific time! My cell is still on Eastern time!"

"You're kidding!"
"No, I am not kidding. We have had only 3 hrs sleep. I am going back to sleep. I am sleeping in my clothes."

And so that is how our first official day started....with three hours official sleep, and a few more hours of bad sleep....to the shuttle bus, in the dark, with no traffic, to the gates of the Volunteer Village. It is 6:15 am and I am on the grounds of the 2008 US Open. But it is only the beginning.....

Bad golf, bad math, good times

2008-06-03T18:57:00.000-04:00

You would think I could at least add. But then again, the numbers are getting so high. It' s like I take enough swings to play an 18 hole round, in just 9 holes. What is it about spring golf? My body forgets where to stand behind the ball, how to stand, where to put the club face, the ball, ahhhhh! Every hit is a new adventure.

My average is going up, not down..the harder I try, the worse it gets. And now, on top of the bad golf....bad math. Last night at Ladie's League, all four of us added our scores wrong. I checked in the clubhouse tonight..."WHAT?!" I can't believe I shot a 64!!! I thought I had a 58, or a 59 at most..that' s a 6 stroke difference....hmmmm.l...et's see: 3 sixes, 2 nines, a ten, what does that equal? Then a 4...how many holes is that? Crap...I forgot to add a hole. I bet we all forgot to add a hole. Not only are we all bad golfers, now we'r e bad at math! This is not good. We will be the laughing stocks next week. What can you do.?

Time to go practice, practice practice. I need to follow my own advice.

I hate endings

2008-05-30T16:44:00.000-04:00

I hate when I finish a really good book, or a really great movie. What's good about books and movies is that you can replay, rewind, and do it all aover again. Not so with life. Life is different. I am becoming very aware that there have been a lot of endings in my life-some good, some bad. I guess that's what comes when you move on through life. More endings than beginnings at times. This is one of those times.

The list of new goals, hopes and dreams needs to be rewritten. I am feeling really lazy right now, or is it tired and drained? I guess endings is a little harsh, and I should, instead think accomplishments. Completed tasks, jobs, missions accomplished.

What is hard to swallow is the end of teamwork, relationships, and comraderie. Some of it was my choice as I moved on to different challenges and adventures. I never really considered the people I left behind. Now I know what it feels like. The one being left behind. I guess it feels like a captain going down with the ship. That's probably why I feel like I'm drowning. I am torn between that sense of responsibility for a sinking, floundering vessel, and making sure all my passengers get out safely, and jumping ship before the last life boat leaves.

So every day brings me closer to my ship being sucked into the ocean's black vortex from which there apparently is no escape. And yet I feel like there is nothing I can do but sing Amazing Grace and have faith that I will get out of this alive.

The burning of Rome, the sinking of the Titanic, the sinking of Atlantis, big endings. Lots of accomplishments, but buried beneathe rubble for years. What a waste.

So forgive me if I need to stay with the ship just a bit longer. I cannot concentrate on a new beginning right now, with so many goodbyes.

1-2-3 JUMP!

2008-05-28T20:17:00.000-04:00

It is a leap of faith. Just do it. Little kids do it all the time, they do not think about their actions..they do not think about the future, they do what they want to do.
I have been waiting for a sign. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway, it's a good excuse and makes a good story.

The key is you need to be ready to recognize the signs when they come. It's like pieces of a puzzle that need to be put together. The pieces all fit, and they have a purpose...but you need to be able to sift through the crap to get it. You need to be able to have a vision and see clearly..through unclouded eyes. It takes practice. It takes a lot of reflecting and even though I am not a propnent of thinking, it does take a fair amount of detective work. All I can say is when you get that "Aha" feeling, or that "deja vu" feeling or that smile inside of you when the phone rings and it is the person you were just talking about that you haven't heard from in a month..it is not a coincidence. It is karma and you need to be ready for it.

So how hard is it? It is wicked hard! Every day you wake up and go through the motions. If you're not careful, every day becomes every week, and every week becomes every year and eventually you cannot even remember who you are and you are old and tired. The project that has been unfinished for years...finish it. The places you want to go see...travel, go there. The thing you just always wanted to do...just do it.

All I'm saying is to become more aware of life and it's little messages tucked away into the corners of all things ordinary. Take a moment of stillness out of your day and reflect on those perfect moments where it all comes together.

So, as Eleanor Roosevelt said, "Do the thing you think you cannot do." Just do it. The signs are all there. No more excuses, no more waiting for signs. Remember it is all decided for us anyways. So what sign are you waiting for?

The Neverending Story

2008-05-25T11:56:00.000-04:00

You've read the book, you've seen the movie. I am living it, or so it seems. Everyone loves a good story with a happy ending. Sometimes, good stories may even had sad endings, or endings that make you think.

What would you do if you were actually in the story and couldn't get out? Stories are meant to be told AFTER the fact. There is no after, yet, for me. It is still very much now..the present..and I am in the story, still. The story that apparently has not really ended yet. The story that keeps on giving. It is a challenge I face every day..for a reason I have not quite figured out yet.

I am surprised how famous or infamous it is, really. I am surprised it continues to be a story, really. I have let it go, or I have tried to, because after all, it is nothing but a story now, in the past. The past is gone. It really does not even exist except in the minds of those that wish to relive it. I do not.

I have tried to keep positive, to live in the present, and to be a better person, every day. I am creating my own story, minute by minute. I am learning every day that for every action there is a reaction. If you make a choice, be prepared to deal with the reaction. But it is all part of the story that has not ended yet.

Sometimes stories have lessons. Sometimes new characters bring new lessons. Yesterday a new character entered my story with a new lesson. A simple lesson, but poignant: the Chinese believe life is for a very long time..because when this life ends, there are other lives. They believe you can learn much from animals, and their pace through life. The rabbit has avery short life span as they run around like crazy through life. The tortoise, on the other hand...can live hundreds of years. Do you want to be a rabbit or a tortoise?

It is important to live each minute moment of your life. Live now, create your own stories from the present, not the past. I believe your choices and paths have already been determined. I am learning to go with it and be positive. It is unproductive and unhealthy to be negative. I have learned that lesson from my life story, now I am learning to breathe and slow down so that I can be like the tortoise, and not the rabbit.

Sad times

2008-05-22T15:12:00.000-04:00

Sometimes it is hard to follow your own advice. I admit it. I forgot you cannot control other people's actions...you can only control your own reactions. Was this a test? If so, then I think I flunked. I am amazed at how others behave at times, and I want to make everything right with the world. Or at least in my world. But I am living in a fantasy land, apparently, or a nightmare from which I cannot wake up.

Here's what you need to do survive in the workplace jungle:

Do not make friends....heavens, no! Because one of two things will happen....your friends will leave you, because it's work, not real life...or people that cannot mind their own business will gossip and tell stories behind your back because they are clairvoyant. Everyone knows what' sbest for you..and everyone certainly knows everyone else's business!

Do not think you are indispensable, and do not try to put your all into your job. Do not, under any circumstances be passionate about what you do. In the end, you are nothing...and all of your time and energy and passion will be expunged. Poof! Like you never existed. So do your job efficiently and without passion. No pain.

Do not try to engage commoners in thoughtful conversation. They only want to hear themselves talk, they do not care what you have to say, really, so keep your mouth shut.

Do not draw attention to yourself..if you complain, it will come back to haunt you. If you point out indiscrepancies or errors or inadequacies, it will somehow be turned against you. You let it happen..you didn't try hard enough. What are you gonna do about it?

Do not think that just because you are honorable and do the right thing you will be rewarded. It is every man for himself, apparently.Look at Marion Jones. Look at Roger Clemens. Enough said.

Do not hope that things will change and become better somehow..you are who you are. A square peg does not fit into a round hole, unless it breaks....or the edges get worn with time and friction. Do not break yourself.

And last but not least, remember you can not control what other people think, say and do. You can only control your reaction to them. I will try to follow my own advice.

Wild Turkey, Landshark and Lobstah

2008-05-18T19:15:00.000-04:00

It was a zoo. Baby animals everywhere! But good times. We imported a Texan and fed him lobster. We were feelin the love with some Landshark. But I kid you not- when the party was over and I woke up and tiptoed downstairs this morning to check out the morning sunshine that was not rain, I could not believe my eyes!

Now I know the baby had Thanksgiving dinner in a jar for supper last night, but this was straight out of Jumanji! Can you say gobble gobble? A turkey was standing in my back yard, tail feathers in full regalia, prancing around with his neck jutting in and out, looking at me looking at him through the back door window. If the Texan wasn't snoring peacefully upstairs, I would have screamed! Instead, I whispered really loud to myself, "I can't believe this!" Then I went running for my camera and woke my husband up.

"There's a turkey in our backyard. A real one! With his tail feathers up and everything!!" We ran downstairs-there was Mr. Turkey. He meandered back and forth across our driveway..then out to the front yard. We were running from window to window with the camera trying to catch him with his feathers up, but he wasn't cooperating. He was, however, very comfortable strolling among the apple trees.
'He must be from the farm down the road."
"I thought they had goats?"
"No, they have turkeys."
"Should we call someone?"
"No, he'll find his way back home. If not, then he's somebody's dinner." He must have weighed in at over 20 pounds. Huge. Definitely not wild.

So I snapped a few bad pictures of him wandering around my truck, then we got bored and had breakfast. On the way to the mailbox to retrieve the Sunday News, I was definitely on the lookout for turkey poop.Then off to church where we just escaped being part of the annual tow truck parade.

You gotta love May in New Hmapshire. I wonder what the Texan thinks of us? I think he had a good time, and I'm sure he thinks we know how to have a good time. Everyone was on their best behavior, the lobster was delish, and the children were quite entertaining.

"I need to go home now," my grandaughter whispered in my ear, "you're my best friend."
"Haha, Colleen, I am her new best friend....for now. But only because I fed her blueberries and got the ball glove away from her cousin.

Let it be...

2008-05-14T19:54:00.000-04:00

Just like John Lennon says...not much else. Take advantage of your perfect moments with family, friends, and with yourself, and let it be. Enjoy the moments. I would say que sera, sera, but I really don't know how to spell it.
I never considered myself easy going, but hey, it's good to reinvent yourself. The reality is, we are all dispensable. Here today, gone tomorrow. Sounds tough, but it's reality.

What will they say when you are gone? What do you want them to think, to say? Does it matter? I have been thinking about this and, surprisingly, when it is time to go, it doesn't matter what they say. You have already moved on to a new place in your heart. It is enough to know that you worked hard and left the wood pile a little bit higher than when you found it. It does not matter if anybody notices. Because you know it, in your heart, and it is a good feeling.

So, not much else to say except, "let it be." You do not have to prove your importance or justify your existence. Accept what is and live your life. Easy going enough for you?

I learned you are not your job. Your job is your job, it is not your life. You are who you are, it does not matter what you do by day or night. Those are just actions..how you spend your time, and time is relative. Once the moment is over it is over, it does not matter a bit. The only time that matters is right now, the present. So for right now, while I am writing this or while you are reading this, that is all that matters. Simple. And when I am done and you are done, the moment will be over, and life will move on and whatever happens will happen. It is all okay, because it was all meant to be.

Mystic Pizza...a slice of heaven

2008-05-12T17:36:00.000-04:00

Okay, so I shoulda had pizza for lunch and skipped Mickey D's. Who knew I was so close to heaven? So what exactly is in Mystic Connecticut? What is all the hub bub about? Darned if I know. 'It's a great place to visit! There's so much to do there!" There is?

Hmmm...so a few new cheesy looking hotels, Olde Mystik Village, a Starbucks, a Dunk's, reeeeealllllly expensive gas, and....where's the water? Isn't this supposed to be a famous seaport?

SO off I go on alittle adventure. I have my Tomtom, so I cannot possibly get lost. Where IS the water? Down to Main street, over the bridge...where's the parking lot?

Main Street....a few hundred yards of quaint little shops, (no water) and...oh, is that Mystic Pizza up there on the right with the Coors Light neon sign in the window? Somehow I pictured it differently.

I did manage to find the Old Seaport and the Aquarium (right next to Olde Mystik Village)...and I took some photos of old stuff, but it was really about nosing around the stores lining Main Street, and enjoying the sunny weather. After all, I live on the NH Seacoast. You seen one East Coast Seaport, you've seen 'em all.

But I must say, the Tomtom is sweet, we took a slight detour through Foxboro to Gillette Stadium for another photo opportunity. Then homeward to NH.

"Let's have some chowda and a salad and a bottle of wine and watch a movie tonight!"
Digital cable, although way overpriced, can offer some nice movie choices after a long day on the road. The movie selection of the day? Mystic Pizza, of course. The last time I saw it, back in the 80's, Matt Damon was nobody. I will say this. They did not film Mystic Pizza inside the Mystic Pizza shop. Trust me on that one. A little slice of heaven, maybe, but just a plain old ordinary pizza shop.

Weight Loss Secret Revealed!

2008-05-09T06:21:00.000-04:00

You are never going to believe this..but I have discovered the secret to weight loss. It's true. I have weighed exactly the same for the longest time. At least a year, no matter what I try. I have tried exercise, salad, drinking more water, you name it. I have tried to motivate myself. Who knew the answer was right under my nose. Here goes:

Go single...i learned my spouse makes me eat more, not intentionally of course, but when I am with him I eat more. So for the last two weeks I have been single. And I lost weight. Some days I didn't even really eat meals, just snacks like popcorn, yogurt, cheeze its and toast. And an occassional protein bar for good measure. I could eat whenever I wanted, whatever I wanted. My husband likes cake. Enough said.
DO not make time to exercise, go out with friends and drink instead. It works. I don' t know why, maybe it has something to do with number 1 above. Of course I did play 9 rounds of golf last week...and went for 3, 2 mile walks on the beach. But that isn't really exercise...
Deal with your stress and depression. Do not give in to it! See number 2 above. Everything ties together. Wine is wonderful, but since it is not cool to drink alone, you must find a friend to drink with. And since drinking replaces eating, as long as you are not consuming frozen margaritas and mudslides in multiplicity, you will probably not eat as much.
Do not buy groceries!! Give someone else money and have them go to the store to "buy a few things." This is great because they do not know your secret cravings and thus they will come home with some random food items like peanut butter, cheeze its and popcorn . See number 1 above.
Order appetizers and salad. To go with your wine.See number 3 above. If you go out to eat. You can drink more and you won't have that awful "oh my God I am so stuffed, why did I eat so much?" feeling.

So that's it. Simple, right? Not really. Because I am not really single, it was only temporary. I may have a hard time convincing my spouse that he doesn't really need to eat dinner every night. I could throw him a protein bar or make a giant bowl of popcorn and uncork a bottle of vino...I have already tried letting him buy groceries...nothing but cookies, chips and cake..and lots of white food. However, since I am clearly on to something, and he will definitely benefit, perhaps he will allow me to continue with my newly discovered weight loss program.

But first I have to do the pile of toast, popcorn and coffee dishes, pick up all the clothes, get the laundry done, and clean off the kitchen table which has functioned as a depository of crap all week.

It's all about the sun and the beer and the cheese..

2008-05-04T09:34:00.000-04:00

It will take me a week to rest from my vacation. And probably a month to burn off all the excess calories consumed during the 9 rounds of golf in 6 days. That's right.
Here are some things you should know if you ever decide to head to Myrtle Beach to play golf with a group of golf crazed maniacs:

If your tee time is early enough, you can still see your breath when you exhale, AND be finished by noon so you can get out and play another 18 in the afternoon and still make happy hour. BUT, don't be expecting Bloody Mary's on the front nine- they don't start serving hard alcohol until 10am. Beer, however, can be consumed as a breakfast item.

Bring lots of balls and tip money. OR make sure you have a handy dandy ball retriever. My favorite was the person in the washroom handing out paper towels to dry your hands ...for a tip..or maybe it was the cashier in the pro shop who wanted to know if I wanted change from a 5 for a 3 dollar logo ball.?!

It really is all about the cheese...points that is. When shots don't go your way, there is always a cheesy point for being closest to the pin.

Alcohol and caffeine do not make for good hydration. Every year I learn this by day 2. You need to drink water, too. Especially in 80 degree heat with 80 percent humidity.

USE a sand wedge to get out of the sand trap that is 150 yards off the tee. EVEN if it is 200 yards from the pin. Don't try to be a hero and use a 7 iron, then an 8 iron, then a 9 iron, moving 10 yards at a time up a very long waste bunker. Use a sand wedge and blast it out onto the fairway for 1 stroke.

Aim your tee shot AWAY from the sand trap that is 150 yards off the tee....especially if you hit a 150 yard tee shot.

Early morning tee times also favor wet fairways, wet sand and wet greens. Yuck..Wet sand is hard to get out of unless you pick the ball clean. I am now officially a connossieur of all things sand....

DO NOT celebrate a low round until the END of the round. The golf gods do not look kindly on premature exhuberance and bragging...

You can only tease the boys when they are playing well, because they are babies. Enough said.

ALWAYS check to find out where the bathrooms are located BEFORE consuming excessive amounts of liquid refreshment. Some courses are female friendly, others are not. Not too smart, considering females like to spend money and drink.

And when all is said and done.. it is all about the sun and the beer and the cheese. Let the golf games begin.

To be or not to be......

2008-04-26T05:52:00.000-04:00

So the other night I received a phone call...late....from one of our union representatives and I thought after I hung up the phone, "Wow, my career in this place has ended the way it began 13 years ago. THAT is really weird."

Some folks thrive on drama. The more drama the better. They create drama where none exists. If they walk into a room and people are chill, they make themselves noticed and bada bing....it's SHOW TIME. I love drama! But I want to A) either audition for a bit part in a community theater production at the local high school; or B) Go watch a masterful performance on or off Broadway and get my money's worth.

Did I mention I am going to be spending the week with some amature drama queens? It should be quite entertaining. I'm sure they think I will play whatever part they have me down for, so I am trying to decide if I will cave in to the pressure, or not. Maybe I will improvise. I'm sure, by now, I have been type cast into the typical "middle aged, nurturing, school teacher type, who can, occasionally be quite bitchy if things don't go her way or if she hasn't had enough sleep and/or coffee."

I am so over that. Seven years ago I was a brat. I was pouty and miserable and annoying. I would say, looking back fondly on that first year, there was a bit of a power struggle and an awkward getting to know you stage. My golf game was non existant, I had no idea what the plan was, I was expected to just go along for the ride. Who in their right mind would drive 17 hours to Myrtle Beach, arrive in the early morning hours, unable to check into a hotel, and then be on the tee ready to play at noon?

Followed by (are you ready for this?) getting up at 6am, rushing to breakfast and being told...we are leaving in 5 minutes! No time for waking up, no time for coffee....UGGGGH. By Wednesday, I had figured the plan out, on my own. I like to be in control. I lke to know what the plan is. Lesson # 1: If you want to know what the plan is...ASK!!

I am surprised they ever invited us back. I think it was because they like my husband. It is not often that people get a chance to reinvent themselves. I feel like I have a golden opportunity for an Academy Award type performance coming up, for the week, on into the future, perhaps. So for the week, I will be my usual charming self because I will not be comfortable enough with anybody to be let my guard down. A command performance! It can be done, because I have done it before. And we all know that when you act it and believe it, it becomes reality. So there you go. Be who you want to be.

The interesting twist is that the cast of this particular drama has been together for more than a dozen years.I am the new person, relatively speaking. Not only am I the new person, but now I am in a new role, separated from my partner, who tends to be a bit of a drama queen himself, although he would never admit it.

So what surprises will this year's Myrtle Beach production have in store? Stay tuned....an all new drama packed adventure has just begun. Will this season's show be a hit? Will the new girl fit in? Will there be any surprising twists? You will have to watch the show.

How Do You Do That?

2008-04-21T19:16:00.000-04:00

So every week my one student comes to class with a list of questions for me. And we go through the questions, one at a time, until A) I either answer it and show him what he is looking for; or B) I tell him "That' s a new one! I will have to look into that and get back to you!" The people he works with think I have the answers to everything! I do not. I have very few answers...really, more questions than answers....

Every day someone in my world asks me some kind of random technology question. I have grown accustomed to it and I expect it. I like it. I like that I am helpful to people. I do not like that lately I have been impatient and annoyed. I am bothered that I can let outside influences affect me in such a way that I, in turn, pass some kind of negative energy on to the next guy.

So I am stating here and now that I will try to be a more positive, helpful person to those that are clueless. I will try to be more patient and kind. I will try...that's all I can do.

Maybe it is getting me used to working with 5 year olds, because lately, that's the way I am seeing adults. There are a lot of 5 year olds running around my building... Remember Robert Fulghum's All I Really Need to Know I learned in Kindergarten? Well it is true. Here you go just in case you forget:

Share everything. (some adults really have not learned this... and some share WAY too much!!)
Play fair. (All is fair in love and war)
Don't hit people. (Especially when they are down..)
Put things back where you found them. (Simple)
Clean up your own mess. (Sometimes messes are big.. and involve other people)
Don't take things that aren't yours. (This is called stealing...especially if you are not going to share...)
Say you're sorry when you hurt somebody. (Even if you don't mean to hurt them..)
Wash your hands before you eat.
Flush. (Kind of goes with cleaning up after yourself)
Warm cookies and cold milk are good for you. (All things in moderation...warm bread and cold beer works, too.)
Live a balanced life - learn some and think some and draw and paint and sing and dance

and play and work every day some. ( In that order, preferably)

Take a nap every afternoon. (Even if it's with your eyes open)
When you go out in the world, watch out for traffic, hold hands and stick together. (You need someone to hold hands with, first....that's important.)
Be aware of wonder. Remember the little seed in the Styrofoam cup: the roots go down and the plant goes up and nobody really knows how or why, but we are all like that.
Goldfish and hamsters and white mice and even the little seed in the Styrofoam cup - they all die. So do we. (Slow down and enjoy your life...)
And then remember the Dick-and-Jane books and the first word you learned - the biggest word of all - LOOK.
For more inspiration, visit www.robertfulghum.com

Get off the negativity bus..

2008-04-19T07:10:00.000-04:00

PLEASE. Evidently I have turned a new leaf, and passed some kind of a test. I don't get it, really. I now see that there are those that seem to thrive on negativity. What a drain. I think I used to be one of those people. But now I'm not.

There is surprise and reaction...then there is only peace, because what else is there? What is, is..it doesn't matter why. Perhaps this translates to golf?

I love my new clubs by the way. I love the way they sit in my bag, and I have so many exciting choices to try! Should I use a 9 iron? A 7 iron? A utility wedge? Since I have only used them once, I have no idea! It's a wonderful surprise, really. This is why I did not keep score on paper yesterday, I only kept score in my head, and it was pretty high, but easy to remember. Seems I can hit the 9 iron about 100 yards. I should be able to hit my 7 iron about 120. The sand wedge needs a little softer touch. Oops. And do not try to fix something that isn't broken-. Hitting the fairway makes the game A LOT easier. My putting has improved a TON thanks to Torrey Pines Jordan...and now I remember which fingers I need to tape.

So, I have learned to be analytical when it comes to golf. Self-reflection is good. It is also good to talk to yourself on the golf course if you do not have a notebook. I used to think my husband was weird because he could remember every shot on every hole in detail. Not so weird. I now can focus on my shots, on the holes, and analyze each shot. My goal is to break 100 and drop my handicap by 10 points. Can I do it? Absolutely. But only with a positive attitude and focus. And peace.

So what is, is. Even in golf. You see once the shot is made, it's over. You cannot take it back, even though you would like a do-over. You can analyze the mechanics, try to correct the mistakes and make improvements, but you must move on to the next shot.

Having a negative attitude is DISASTER for your golf game..or any game. Let it go. Move on to the next shot. Stay focused on the goal, line up your shot,relax, breathe, take a practice swing,and watch your back. If you do these things you'll hit a great shot.

Movin' On

2008-04-17T06:22:00.000-04:00

For real. So now the ego really wants to take over. This is the ultimate professional test....so far. How you handle the situations you have no control over determine how you handle life. I hope. It feels kind like jumping out of plane, knowing that somone else packed your parachute.

A friend of mine said it's like going on a trip....by airplane. You can prepare all you want, but once the plane leaves the ground you cannot control what happens while you are in the air. How true is that?

Maybe I need this. Maybe I need to take less crap and be with different people. Of course I don't think I need it right now. It feels like I am being forced to say goodbye, once again. It feels like everything I have worked so hard to accomplish in my professional career will be put in a box, on a shelf, so I can tie shoes and wipe noses. It is why I do not teach first grade.

I want someone else to teach them how to read and be students so I can get them already trained. I would not do well with a puppy, either. I am surprised my own children lived to be adults considering my lack of patience and frustration with little kids. Of course little kids and puppies love me! Of course they do!!

So maybe I need this, and it will teach me something. I am going to try to look at it as an opportunity to learn and grow. But it's hard when you go from college to kindergarten in the same year. How does that happen? I will stop questioning it, because who knows how anything happens anymore.

I will be moving on...again. I guess my job is done. It is not for me to decide, but that has to be okay. The plane has taken off, whether I feel I am ready or not. It is now heading down the runway. Hopefully I will get some in flight refreshment and have time to read up on my early childhood curriuclum before the plane lands.

Oh, and did I mention the plane is on a mystery flight?...destination unknown. The only one who knows where the plane will land is the pilot. I am no longer in control of the situation. I will let you know where we land.

Be Careful What You Wish For

2008-04-16T06:22:00.000-04:00

Is God listening? Probably. And when unexpected things happen..it's probably because there is a BIGGER PLAN. Too bad I didn't know what it was. So I have a question for you. Are you the type of person who accepts fate and goes along with life and tries not to make the gods unhappy?
I am trying to be that person, but I may have reached the end of my rope.

I like to know all the answers AHEAD of time. I know what you're thinking..."But that's cheating!" You cannot know the answers ahead of time. You need to play the game first. To see how it all turns out. But the game is long...lifelong. And I am impatient...VERY. I like to make things happen. See the first paragraph. Unfortunately, I am not in charge.

So be careful what you wish for.
Do not say things out loud, apparently that really makes the gods angry.
Remember the only thing you have control over is your body...so eat well, exercise, and take care of yourself.
Be prepared...apparently for anything
Embrace the unexpected opportunities life throws your way....you can either catch them and do something with them or let them knock you down :)

Give til it hurts

2008-04-10T21:16:00.000-04:00

It's all about pain. Apparently. Hit the gym....give til it hurts. Hit the driving range, hit balls til your arm feels like it's gonna fall off. Push ups? Sit ups? Triceps? Weight lifting?I just do not know my body's limits, apparently. Go for a walk? Four miles, power walking, uphill, both ways.
Now I'm paying. The chiropractor loves to see me coming. "You're getting there," he says"You need to take it a little easy...not so aggressive, try walking....gently."

I do not do anything gently. It's all or nothing. Chiropractor equals pain. In spite of the many visits, because I could not stay away from the gym, my body is now in a constant state of sore. "Go get a massage," my friends say, "It will feel so good!"
I don't know...I've never had one before. "You've never had a massage? Get a massage." So I finally called, and a week later I went for my massage. I just love to pay for pain, evidently.
"Are you okay?" The therapist asks. I feel crunching and popping and muscles being attacked. "Most people would not be able to stand this their first visit." I think my body is used to it, I think. Just more pain, nothing new.
"Let me know if it gets to an 8 or a 9 on the pain scale," she says. I suffer through it, and don't really notice much difference. It's like I 'm addicted to the pain;I do not know what it's like to feel no pain.

"Do you remember when it all started?" Good question. Maybe it started when I was 7 and I took ballet lessons and I worked and danced and had to put my feet into those tiny little shoes with the wooden toe, protecting my baby feet with nothing more than pieces of lamb's wool. Or maybe it started when I was pitching a softball over home plate so fast the other team's coach asked my coach to ask me to please not pitch so fast. Or maybe it started when I played field hockey and pushed myself to lose twenty pounds over one summer, because I could.

Pain's got my number.

So it appears I will live in painful suffering until something gives. "It's your stress," the doctor says. "It's your shoulders," the therapist says. "Try acupuncture." More pain.
" Open the Chardonnay, I say. Tomorrow is another day. I'm getting used to it.

Are You Smarter than a 6 year old?

2008-04-07T06:30:00.000-04:00

Well, that depends.....6 year olds, evidently, have a unique way of looking at life that we someohow have managed to forget. And 6 year olds today seem a lot smarter than when I was 6. Although, when I was 6 I can remember first grade as if it were yesterday. I had to walk down the hall to the third grade for reading class, because I was already reading beyond what a second grader could read. And we sat at little desks that were arranged in rows. Kids cried alot, and I couldn't read the word "stomach."I could ride a two wheeler, and my favorite toy was my Easy Bake Oven. But the light bulb got really hot with all those little metal pans.

Today's 6 year old has the vocabulary of a 30 year old, and the wisdom of a 50 year old. Today's 6 year old has the appetite of a grown boy, and really, really likes nectarines. Today's 6 year old doesn't have to think too long and hard about how to solve problems....you lose something? "Retrace your steps!" Want to kow how a mouse trap works? Stick your foot in it! Want to become Manager of Olympia Sports? No problem! Want to use a laptop and multitask, sure!Do you need a mouse? "Nope!"

I now know about Webkins. Even though they've been around awhile, I thought it was something for maybe, 9 and 10 year olds. Nope. 6 year olds can now navigate websites, without a mouse, and play arcade games, earn points which translate into dollars, and buy things for their virtual pets. Second Life for 6 year olds. Since when do 6 year olds know how to use a touch pad?

Oh, and by the way, writing notes? Not done on pieces of paper you fold up into shapes anymore. Notes are written on the computer. Of course! And Paint can be picked up in say, 5 miniutes.

Good thing I have a 6 year old to remind me 6 year olds aren't what they used to be. Some things haven't changed, though. 6 year olds still like goofy bed time stories, dirty faces, and they still like to fall asleep with the light on.

Trashy TV, and all that is good

2008-03-29T13:02:00.000-04:00

What is it about trashy TV shows? Right now I am flipping between Real Housewives of New York City, and The Millionaire Match Maker. What's even worse is that these shows are repeated all month, so you can watch the same gorey episodes over, and over again.
"If you aren't an eater, you're probably not any good in bed, either" quips Patti,the Millionaire Matchmaker..who looks like a cross between Elvira and Cher. How did this woman get her own TV show? Millionaire men pay her huge amounts of money to find them lasting love. But she has rules that don't go over too big."No sex on the first date." One batchelor who is especially sleazy actually has a pol ein his living room for strippers. Yep, trashy TV at its best.

Then there's the Real Housewives of New York City. This is strange.We get to see housewives, some of whom aren't married-so how can they be wives?-spend money, drink lots of martinis, and talk about each other behind their backs. They try to seduce their tennis pros, get pedicures with their clingy husbands, and find the best private school smoney can buy for their kids. I don't think they do any housework...isn't that what a housewife does?

Today while flipping through the hundreds of channels on my Comcast Digital TV, I actually came across a show about spoiled rich kids whose parents threw them lavish parties just for fun.

Most of the excitement can be found on Bravo TV. If you are really bored and are really into the trashy TV thing, Bravo knows how to make your day. They will run back to back episodes-marathon style- all day long!!

Some of my other trashy TV fav's are "What Not To Wear". The hosts actually surprise their would be clients and throw all their ugly clothes in a big trash barrel, and then make them go shopping, while trying to teach them what to wear. Tear them down, then build them back up, isn't that how it's supposed to go? I have actually seen the clients cry they are in so much distress. All in the name of good TV entertainment.

Project Runway has ended for the season, and Top Chef has begun....both competitions with panels of judges who enjoy voting off the loser each week....the competition is fierce!

And did you know we are only 5 days away from Making someone a Super Model? America gets to vote who can be made into a supermodel. Drama, drama, and more drama, as contestants competed week after week in photoshoots and on the catwalk. Will it be Ronnie, Ben, Holly? I don't know why any one of them would want to win, except maybe Ben, the prison guard from Kentucky. He needs a new line of work.

So now you know. I am a trashy TV addict, kind of. But it needs to be good, entertaining trash-I am picky about my trash. Guess Bravo's got my number.

If you live in the North, your life could be over

2008-03-27T06:23:00.000-04:00

So I did the math. And a friend helped me because I am not very good at math. Winter in New England begins the end of November...if you'r e lucky you might get winter to wait until December. But you will squeeze four more weeks out of Fall, and that' s it.

The official start of Spring is March 20, or something like that. It is March 27. Where is Spring? It snowed the other night, and more snow is on the way. The Federal Government thought it would fool winter into leaving early by initiating Daylight Savings a month early this year. Someone forgot to tell Old Man Winter.

The temperature is generally in the 30's and 40's...yesterday it made it all the way up to 50, I think, although by the time I got outside I had missed the heat of the day. And it is the end of March. So let's do the math together, shall we? November through March...that' s 5 months. And it's not Spring yet. So let's say we go another few weeks, and round it to 6 months. Since there are only 12 months in every year, that' s half of every year spent cold, wet, moody, and miserable. Half your life if you were born in New England and have lived here your whole life.

Now add in the sleeping portion of your life. On a really, really good night, I like to get 8 -9 hours of sleep. But as a teenager, I used up probably 12 hours. As a baby you sleep a lot. You sleep more than you're awake, probably. And when you get to be a Senior, you take naps. So let's say the average number of hours any person sleeps per day could be as much as 12 hours. Since there are 24 hours in a day, if you sleep 12 hours, you are asleep for half your life. You know where this is going, don't you?

If half your life is spent waiting for winter to be over, and the other half is spent sleeping, there is no life left, really. Even if you take into account that half the winter overlaps with half the sleeping, that still doesn't leave you with much of a life.

My solution? You already know about the tanning, but that is really lame and I am really paranoid about all that UV....sleep less and go south FAST! So the sleeping less part can gain a couple hours a day, and if you multiply that by 356, you can gain back a bunch, pretty quick, but not quickly enough. If you vacation and travel at least 2 weeks a year, during the winter, then you can gain back 14 more days. Still not much. Because if you travel far, you could actually lose days! My friend is in Japan to to visit her daughter and see the Red Sox, and it took her nearly 2 days to get there!(A 13 hr flight plus a 13 hour time difference). Of course when she gets back, she will get the day back. Kind of like being in a time machine.

So now I know why people go South in the winter when they get older. By the time you realize you have lived half your life in the cold, dark, snowy part of the globe, half your life is over. You could have fun in the snow and cold..skiing, snowshoing, but you can't stay outside for 12 hours at a whack like you can when it's 70 degrees. You just can't.

If you don't believe me, you do the math. I didn't even include all the hours spent doing all kinds of unpleasant activities like driving, working, cleaning, etc. The forecast for the week: cloudy, in the low 40's, with a possibility of rain mixed with snow. No Spring yet.
Do the math.

Tanning 101:Part 2

2008-03-23T13:35:00.000-04:00

So the last blog ended with me on my way to the booth. " Do you want a bed or a booth?"
"A booth please, this time."
So, you know the score..lotion applied ahead of time: SPF 8 on the back, the front.....SPF 4 on the arms, tanning lotion on the legs. And off to the booth. I wonder where I put my stuff? I thought to myself as I stepped inside the closet shaped cubicle. If I hang stuff up on the hooks, it'll block the rays. SO I carefully put my clothes in a pile on the floor, positioned my FDA approved protective eyewear, and waited for my 3 minutes to count down. 3....2....1....we have ignition. The fan started blowing, a light bulb turned on somewhere, and I waited. But I did not feel heat. I did not see light. I felt a bit chilly, actually, as the fan blew and I stood there wondering , is this it?

Was I supposed to turn something on? Somehow this didn't seem right. I felt a little heat coming from somewhere....maybe it's this booth? Maybe this is what the booth does? Hmmmmm, I'm really not feeling very confident, as the counter ticked off my 8 minutes. I did not dare look directly at anything, you know because of the whole toasted eyeball thing, so I waited. And then it was over.

I pulled off my glasses and looked around. There were no bulbs, really. Directly in front of me there was a crack, and through the crack I could see the bulbs, and a switch that said "TANNING BULBS ON/OFF" Was I supposed to hit that switch? But how do I reach it? As I tried to reach through the crack, my hand touched the wall in front of me and it moved...it swung, and as I pushed it I realized it was a door. As the door gave way I could see ANOTHER booth surrounded by bulbs and a gigantic fan in the ceiling. That's where I should have been standing!
I don't believe it! I looked incredulously as I realized I had been standing in the middle of the dressing area trying to get a tan from the empty white walls. I never went inside the actual tanning booth itself.I am an idiot, and this is getting ridiculous. Why are there not directions or something posted? I could write a book: Tanning Salons for Dummies.

I don't think there is anything else left for me to screw up, really. Except that every bed is different, every booth is different, and I am easily confused and do not like to ask questions. My family, even my mom, thinks it is hysterical. I am annoyed I wasted 8 minutes of tanning time and what little tan I have is starting to fade, along with my white stripes. "You need to tell them about the stripes," my daughter said. "Did mom tell you her tanning booth story?" I am a regular riot at the dinner table.

So I am gonna have to keep this thing up until I successfully get a tan. Hopefully, that'll happen before my one month membership is up. I still have 2 and a half weeks, I think. I am determined to get it right tomorrow. I know I can do it. I think. Let's hope there are no more surprises.

How difficult can it be?

2008-03-20T20:08:00.000-04:00

It should not be difficult to get a tan in the middle of winter, really. There are all kinds of tanning salons where one can go and pay money to lay in some coffin or closet lit by thousands of watts worth of light bulbs, for 5, 10, or 15 minutes.

So it was decided. With spring fast approaching, the lack of natural sunlight, the pale, white skin, and lack of vitamin D was beginning to get to all of us. 'There's this great new place we can go!"
"I'm in! Let's do it!"

Day 1, or should I say Evening 1. So many questions, charts, lotions, levels. Can't I just give you money and you can turn the tanning bed on?Oh, no. "When was the last time you were outside in a sunny place? Do you burn easily? Do you have your FDA approved eye protection? Do you need any lotion?" Thirty minutes later and a whole bunch of cash, and we were on our way to a Level 1 bed. Why do they only give you 3 minutes to completely strip and cover yourself with lotion? Who can do that in 3 minutes? And I have this very bad feeling that if I do not cover my eyes with the FDA approved protective eyewear before the bulbs turn on, my eyeballs will turn to toast. So there is this anxiety and slight panic that sets in trying to get totally ready to lay on the bed.

I position myself, the music is playing, I pull the cover down and wait....5,4,3,2,1.....nothing happens. Maybe she needs to press the on button. 1 minute....2 minutes.....3 minutes......nothing. Great. SO I roll off the bed and grab my jeans and sweatshirt and go out to the desk.
The bed never turned on..was I supposed to do something?"
"Oh, dear, I'm sorry, I should have told you that, ok, try it again."
"Great!" Three more minutes of counting down and waiting for the burst of heat and light.
This time it worked, and 7 minutes later, darkness. Done. Cooked. Slightly toasty and warm as we headed out into the chilly dark night.

Session 2: "You can do a Level 2 bed. 9 minutes?"
"Sure, sounds good." But I was smart this time. I applied my lotion ahead of time...so my three minutes could be spent undressing and applying my protective eyewear. I actually had seconds to spare as I waited in the super bed equipped ith mirrors, a radio AND a fan! Nine minutes later...I am feeling totally tan. But really, my face is a little red, and some other parts are blotchy red where I couldn't quite reach to apply the lotion.

Session 3: "Why are you wearing sunscreen? You don't need sunscreen..you're dark!"
"I am?" How would she know? The only exposed part of my body is my face and hands, and I am wearing tinted foundation with an SPF of 20. "Do you want to go 10 minutes?"
"Ok." What is it about someone working behind a desk that makes me think they know what they are talking about? I will never know the answer to this question.
So I bought some Sexy Legs lotion without sunscreen, and it was supposed to make me tan.
So, back to the Level 2 super bed with the mirrors, the fan and the radio. I also noticed a sticker on the bed that said maximum exposure time for a base tan: 7 minutes. Oh,oh. Well, maybe I already have a base tan. But wouldn't I look tan?

Three minutes is not a long time to do everything you need to do AND put on your glasses and get comfortably situated in the cooker. I think I had 3 seconds to spare. Phew, 10 minutes was a long time. My face felt hot, but the rest of my body was okay. I was afraid to get out and look in the mirror. But I did. Not too bad..a little pink in the face, but not as bad as I expected. I got outside and you could see my breath...I think I cooked the air in my lungs. By nightfall, my back was feeling a little scratchy, but not bad like a sunburn. But I should have known. No sunscreen, remember?

One look in the mirror revealed not only a very pink back, but stripes. 2 of them. I had 2 white vertical stripes running down my back. "What? Do you see that?Please tell me I do not have 2 stripes down my back."
"You have stripes." They were obvious stripes. I have never had so much difficulty with something that should be so idiot proof. The next morning I woke up and my hands were orange. Not only did I have white stripes, but the Sexy Legs lotion was also a bronzer and it had dyed my hands. In my 3 minute frenzy trying to get my protective eyewear on before my eyeballs fried, I had neglected to completely wash my hands with the baby wipes they had supplied. Now my hands were orange.

So, here I sit, hoping the pinkness fades into the white stripes; hopeing the orange palms will be a little less orange after a few showers and many hand scrubs.
Next time I think I will try the booth.

DK Hair

2008-03-13T21:16:00.000-04:00

"I need a hair cut. We should go see Nick."
Nick recently moved back to San Diego from Manhatten...where he spent the last 10 years styling hair in the City. You know where I mean.... Nick's aunt was Miss India. His mom married their distant cousin, who reminds me of Clark Gable, and after he and his sister were grown, Nick's dad decided he was gay. Now Nick lives in Derek's (his dad's) apartment, and Derek moved in with his former sister-in-law, Miss India. Have you got that?

"Let's all go see Nick and have him style our hair. We could all use a new look."

So Thursday appointments were made at the trendy DK hair on 6th Ave in San Diego. You know what comes next. Nick, the sweetheart and master of hair, worked his magic. We must go out somewhere and show off our new look! So we drove through Balboa Park, and made our way back to Encinitas.

Tomorrow we would be entertaining, Dotty style. Dinner party for 1o....Miss India and her boyfriend from Massachusetts, Angel, the most liberal Republican anyone would ever want to meet, Doris, the artist, who hosted her own cable television show back in the 70's;Carl and Kathy, college friends from way back; and of course the celebrities from NH-US!

As the sun set on yet another West Coast beauty of a day, we drank wine, sat by the fire, and gave thanks for family, friends, and the power of an awesome haircut.

See me in SI

2008-03-12T22:01:00.000-04:00

SO back to La Jolla, home of Torrey Pines Municipal Golf Course, home of TW's Buick Open, and host of this year's USGA US Open Championship; where San Diego residents can golf after 4pm for 20 bucks, or something ridiculous like that.

Can you say excited? The third time is a charm. It was my third visit to San Diego...my third visit to Torrey Pines. The first two times included photo ops and shopping, lots of shopping, in the pro shop. I have spent so much money there, I could pay for a round of golf! Wait a minute!

So my third visit to San Diego included Torrey Pines Golf School: a 3 hour lesson with a pro, and nine holes of golf with the pro, followed by the remaining 9 holes of golf- on the South Course at Torrey Pines.

I walked up to the desk and announced my arrival. Trumpets did not sound..but the guy behind the desk wondered who I would be working with. "Jordan..she's yours!" Great....thank goodness Jordan was Jordan and not the obnoxious, annoying pro with the southern accent. I took off my sunglasses and met the golf pro with whom I would be spending the better part of my day. Tall, dark and obviously a good golfer, right? Oh, did I say young? And tall. And very nice.

Let me just say the total experience was worth every dime. This was one adventure where the totality definitely outweighed the sum of its parts. The day was glorious and sunny, the pro was attentive, charming AND a good teacher. I hit balls on the range, he videotaped me, and analysed my set up and my swing. He instructed, I hit some more balls, then we went to the lodge for lunch. Then we practiced putting. He liked my putter. I like my putter, too.

Then it was time to tee off. "I'll be right back." a few minutes later..." I had to do some damage control.They had you going out on the back 9 with two Korean guys. Who speak no English. But we're going out with these two other guys from Golf School and their pro will stay with them for a few holes."

On the first tee Jordan suddenly looked at me from across the Tee box and said,"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed you didn't speak Japanese..or Korean. Do you?"

"No, Jordan, I do not."

"Alright then, let's go!" The two gentlemen who joined us were from Arkansas, and their pro was from somewhere south as well. I could have cared less. Jordan and I decided to walk...and I decided not to keep score. Why ruin a perfectly good walk? I hit the ball, it landed in the thick rough, I found my ball, Jordan gave me a really good lie, and I hit it again. Such a simple game, really. Everyone should get to play with their own pro.

The view was fantastic..The first hole heads out toward the ocean, then the second hole heads to the left and parallels the ocean and the third hole-the famous par 3-heads out toward a cliff.
Jordan took my picture on the championship tee box with his 9 iron. Or maybe it was his wedge. I really don't know and I don't care. What a blast.

As we approached the 4th hole, there was a threesome already on the tee box. "Don't mind us, we're not cutting in front of you or anything, we're taking photos for a magazine."
"Can I be in your magazine?"I asked. An older African American gentleman dressed in a blue golf shirt with a navy golf cap was sitting in a golf cart, the photographer was in front of the tee box, and another gentleman was walking back toward the cart. "Do you know who this is? This is Lee Elder!"
"And that' s the weatherman from Channel 9. The guy who always wears the bow tie," Lee Elder said. Who is Lee Elder?
"We're shooting for a Sports Illustrated article." Who is Lee Elder? Nobody I was with knew who he was..but he was obviously somebody we should have known about. The threesome shot their photos and scooted off in front of us out of sight. Throughout the day, the SI photographer could be seen darting about the course, ladder on his golf cart, on the back 9 catching the sun setting over the 16th and 17th holes.

Jordan left me after the 9th hole, with a folder of photos, a list of recommended courses, and a warm handshake,"I really had fun today."

I finished the back 9 with the Arkansas boys, finally approaching the fountain on the 18th hole as the sun went down. What a day.

Oh, and Lee Elder? Look for him in Sports Illustrated. He was the first African American to play at Augusta National Golf Club, home of the Master's Championship.

It's Been a Long Year

2008-03-11T21:11:00.000-04:00

So today ends a very long year. This day has been coming for 364 days. And now it is almost over, and I have survived it. It has been a year filled with all kinds of interesting twists and turns, lessons and stories, heartbreak and happiness. It is difficult to put into words and more difficult to forget. So I allow myself to remember, and ironically enough it is the remembering that makes it easier to get through.

There was irony in this day. Irony in the fact that today I got to remember and tell complete strangers the very brief story of First Class, Election Day, and the possibilities that disappeared a year ago. When the words came out of my mouth I found myself thinking, "How weird is this that at this very moment, it is perfectly appropriate for me to be remembering last year, Election Day, and First Class training.

"Do you have any questions for us?" The interview committee asked. "I do. Your web site. I noticed you use First Class"
"Yes!"
"I love First Class. I recognized it from the look of your website right away. We had it for a very brief time. Then we gave it back. Do you do any curriculum mapping?"
"No, we do not have any organized official initiative at this time."
"Our district started Techpaths training...it was actually a year ago today, Election Day...we have a professional development day for our teachers and all of our teachers were being trained to use Techpaths. They haven't touched it since...."

And then just as quickly as the opportunity to share came up, the moment faded and was gone.
We can choose to dwell on the past and wonder why? Or we can accept what simply is and exerience whatever life offers us and move on. It is okay to remember.
This year's story is officially over..

Hangin Out at the Jail

2008-03-09T16:45:00.000-04:00

Santa Barbara is one of the most picturesque cities I've ever visited. Mountains to the east, the ocean to the west, with beautiful architecture and people in between. We stayed at the Upham Inn, two blocks from Main Street, a pleasant walk down a tree lined city street. The Inn is reminiscent of any other victorian inn, with comfortable furniture, expansive porches and a fire in the fireplace in the main lobby. It was chilly at night, in the 40's, so sitting by the fire with a glass of chardonnay followed by oreo cookies before bed was the perfect ending to a perfectly fun day.

The train ride to Santa Barbara was shared witha lovely lady from NYC. Traveling alone, she was on her way to visit her niece. We shared stories and contact information, and promised to be in touch. We were greeted at the tiny train station in Santa Barbara by Jeff-and we almost missed him too! As we headed inside to use the restrooms....again.

One of the highlights of our visit was a trip to Jeff's office...located in what used to be the Santa Barbara jail. His office was actually in a cell....on the 4th floor of the Santa Barbara Courthouse-made famous for the location of Michael Jackson's trial, amoing others. Across the beautifully landscaped grounds through the immaculately tiled stucco courthouse, up the antiquated elevator..beyond the blanket, hung from the ceiling to keep out the draft, sits the office of city planning...with an absolute breathtaking view of Santa Barbara and the surrounding countryside.
"Do you want to see solitary confinement? Go ahead in, I'll take your picture!" How creepy was that. You could actually feel the ghosts of inmates crawling behind the chipped paint of the creaky steel barred doors and cement walls.
"I like it up here..it's very quiet and peaceful." Jeff's cell is about the size of a closet, with bars on his one little window...where he sits and does the work of a city planner. How ironic that his city and the courthouse are so beautiful.

Once down the twisted staircase, out into the bright Santa Barbara sunshine, we spent the rest of the day shopping and sunning. Hopping the trolley back to the train station, we were met by others on their way home from somewhere. An elderly gentleman sat down next to me, and proclaimed he was retired from professional baseball. He claimed he was a former pitcher for the Brooklyn Dodgers....and pitching coach for the Red Sox. He claimed he played with Ted Williams, and he hadn't watched television since the 90's. Radio was his thing....As we approached the train station, he departed and went on his way...a myth or the real deal? Who can say...

One thing is for sure, you never really know who you will run into out here, where famous people walk the streets and live their lives side by side with the locals. The train ride back to Solana Beach was delayed, but we made it back safely, nontheless...no detours this time. No big adventures, no surprises, but lots of memories and pictures.

1-800-COMCAST

2008-03-08T10:04:00.000-05:00

Alright, so have you ever tried calling someone when all you have are letters, not numbers? Especially calling from a Blackberry or some other wireless device that does not have a numeric keypad like a phone.

I have one thing to say about COMCAST. They are idiots. I am sitting here because I have no fancy schmancy digital voice service. No phone. No land line. My phone service is not working for the second time in 3 days. Why isn't it working? Are you ready for this? Apparently, you cannot have a cordless phone with an answering machine on AND have voice mail. Well, of course!! But it would have been nice if someone had informed us of this BEFORE we set up voicemail.

THE HOOK:
It all started with an automated phone call from Comcast informing us our phone service would expire by the end of April, and unless we selected a new phone service provider, we would no longer have phone service. Fortunately for us..COMCAST just happened to be having a special 1 year deal on a digital voice package including digital cable and high speed Internet! Who could resist! Certainly not my husband....so 2 weeks ago the Cable Guy came to our house and installed a new digital cable box, a new modem, and digital voice phone service. Voila!

I came home to find a pile of magazines with no home..because we now have a digital cable box and remote the size of Montana......a crumpled diploma...a picture frame fell onto it when the Cable Guy moved the entertainent center to access the cable outlet...and a packet of reading material for my pleasure.

"Here, you can read that and figure all this stuff out."

WHAT HAPPENED NEXT:
So for two days weird things happened. The phone would ring a couple times then stop. I noticed people had called (we have caller ID) but noone left messages. The remote was a mass of buttons with serious lag time and WAY too many channels to flip through. Why are those magazines sitting on that chair? How did my diploma get wrinkled??

"Hey, did you get my messages? I called you twice?"
"No, I only got your cell phone message..."
"Well, your answering machine isn't working...I got some automated recording."
Two days of this and my husband says, "I think there's something wrong with our answering machine."
"Super."
"Hey did you ever read that stuff from Comcast?" Who has time for that.

FOR YOUR READING PLEASURE:
So not one, not two, but three booklets later, I discover we have digital voice mail....with mailboxes, which went into effect when the Cable Guy left...and now I need to set everything up in order to retrieve who knows how many messages! 10 missed messages over three days to be exact. We must now check our voicemail whether we think we have messages or not. There is no longer a blinking light. 5 pages of instructions and specialized settings for this and for that. Are you kidding me? Our voicemail picks up after 4 rings. I can't even get my ass off the couch in time to get to the phone. Whatever.

So I had some time to kill and decided to go back to the DIGITAL VOICE MANUEL. Hey! I can set the voicemail to pick up after 6 rings! Sweet!

THE FUN BEGINS:

I arrived home from work 2 days ago to no phone service. Nada. Dead. I unplugged stuff, I replugged stuff. I finally relented and tried to call 1-800 COMCAST. Where is the number??? Are you kidding me? Not a real phone number anwhere. I had to use my cell phone because I had no phone service, remember? The only problem was, my phone is set up like a keyboard, and not a phone pad. 1-800 COMCAST from a Motorola Q is WAY different than 1-800 COMCAST from a phone. Swell. Give me th #*&$*&^# phone.

THE LINE:

Of course it took 10 minutes to reach a real person...who apparently saw nothing wrong with the fact that nowhere in any of Comcast's literature do they have an actual phone number with NUMBERS INSTEAD OF LETTERS! "Did you reset the modem?" She asked.
"I have no idea what you are talking about!"
Whereas she proceeded to describe my modem to me....and then told me I would need to find a paperclip or some other device with a small, sharp, pointy end to insert into the notch for 5 seconds. Are you kidding me? I couldn't make this stuff up.

Okay, so I reset the modem, as she continues to talk to me like I am 2 . "Okay, I am going to call your phone." Nothing rings. "It should be working. I don't know why it isn't. Everything looks like it's working form here."
"Clearly it is not working. My phone is dead."
"Would you like me to send a technician out to your house?"
"Well, sure..that would be SWELL. Is there a number I can call in case my phone service comes back before tomorrow afternoon?"
"1-800 COMCAST."
"No, I mean a Real NUMBER. Not letters...numbers!"
"Oh......wait a minute...let me see....." She did not have it in front of her. I swear she was looking at a phone to try to figure out what COMCAST was on real numbers.

THE SINKER:
So The phone service came back on its own. The digital cable was not working in the morning...another call to 1-800 COMCAST....the technician came out to the house and told us everything was fine, except the answering machine was most likely conflicting with voicemail and we would...you guessed it...have to call 1-800 COMCAST to cancel voicemail if we wanted to use our own answering machine.
Are you kidding me? I have no time for that!

So like a dodo, I didn't call. Now, here I sit, with a dead phone again. I have unplugged and replugged everything back in....except for the answering machine. I have used my trusty paperclip to reset the modem. But I refuse to call 1-800 COMCAST. On principal. I would rather spend my time writing and posting then waiting for some half-assed customer service rep to tell me there is nothing wrong with my phone line.
So call me on my cell.

Santa Barbara or Bust

2008-03-07T06:13:00.000-05:00

"It looks like the old West!"
"That's because it IS the old west!"
Monday morning dawned chilly, but sunny. Up and ready early, no less....we headed up the road to Solana Beach, past the gay surfer statue to catch the Amtrak Surfliner to Santa Barbara. We packed an overnight bag, and a cooler filled with sandwiches, drinks and munchies. We packed books, magazines, cameras and playing cards. I stink at cards.
The ride to Santa Barbara was glorious. Sunny, relaxing, the Surfliner was a double decker train with a cafe car. Dotty had pre-purchased our tickets.
"I got a senior discount on the tickets, Dotty said, so I don't know if they're going to make you pay the difference. They're supposed to ask you for a photo ID.No problem.
"May I see an ID?" The ticket agent asked....
"Ummm, sure!" As I fumbled through my crap to get to my license. "Here you go!"
He looked at it and simply handed it back to me."Thank you!" He said. So much for a youthful appearance. I didn't know whether to be relieved or annoyed. Whatever.

"Make sure you get off the train when we get to Los Angeles so you can check out Union Station! It's really, really nice. But you have to be quick..the train only stays in the station maybe 20 minutes."

As we rolled northward through Santa Ana, and Burbank, home of Bob Hope International Airport and Yahoo Headquarters, the terrain began to change. Snow covered mountains loomed in the distance, surrounded by a mixture of ranches and small, single story, businesses.

"Next stop...Los Angeles Union Station!"
"Okay, here we are....get off quick, but make sure you check and see how much time we have." I grabbed my pocketbook and camera and off we went...we did not see a conductor, so we did not ask anyone how much time we had. We were at Track 10, and as we hiked up to the main lobby we pased scores of passengers hurrying toward the gate in the opposite direction. Why are they hurrying? I thought to myself. We decided to use the restroom, and hurry back. "I am not liking this," I said, "I think we should get back there.. you see one station you've seen them all. And I've seen a lot of train stations! Penn Station, Grand Central Station,Union Station in Philly, even North Station and South Station in Boston.

As we approached Track 10, I ran up the ramp....no train on the tracks. "Excuse me...the train that was just there....is that it over there?" As I pointed to Track 9(What was I thinking??) "That train? The train to Santa Barbara? Oh that left already."
"What???!!"
"It left at 12:25....it got in to the station late and made up time."
"Great."
So, there we were, in LA...and Dotty was cruisin on her way up to Santa Barbara...with all the food, but without us. I had a camera but no battery. But I had a cell phone and money, and the train ticket. So LA here we come. The next train didn't leave for two and a half hours, so we headed out of Union Station onto Los Angelas Boulevard, into the sunshine, and across the street. For the next two hours we explored Olivera Street, the Mexican Cultural Center, and Union Square. We took pictures, ate hot dogs and churras, and sat in the sun. Not a bad way to spend a couple hours.

We hopped the next train to Santa Barbara and were on our way...through mountains, canyons, and rocky hills...past ranches, farms, and trees. This reminds me of a Disney ride. But it's the real thing. This IS the OLD WEST.

Chardonnay, Zinfandel or Cabernet?

2008-03-03T15:45:00.000-05:00

So day two dawns dreary and rainy, but who cares? We are off to the Temeculah Valley wine region for a day of wine tasting with the monthly HH group. (Happy Hour) We start our adventure at 10:30 am at Sue's house with mimosas and bagels, and LOTS of introductions. Some people we know, others are new. I stick with another guest and newbie and we chat about her sons and her husband who is a photographer. Little did I know her husband is an entertainment photographer and was at the Oscars photographing the red carpet!

It is noon. The limo arrives! 17 women and Larry- the chauffeur. I am the youngest...the baby of the bunch. Larry had no idea what his day had in store. Sue was in charge of this shindig, and boarded the limo bus with wine and munchies. Can somebody turn on the music? Who wants white zin? Chardonnay? Cabernet? And off we went...

To Palumbo Vineyards...so small the sampling room barely fit all of us, and the only bathrooms were port o potties in the parking lot. Bring your umbrella!! To Southcoast Vineyard Resort and Spa, a bustling resort with restaurant, banquet hall and acres of grapevines spilling over the hills beyond the palatial deck festooned with hanging flower pots. And finally to Long "Freakin'"Shadow Ranch. Woohoo! We were banished to the outside bar, and some of us took to dancing on the tables..well, not really, our former Miss India was too tall, so had to clomp around the muddy grass. (No, she REALLY was Miss India).

4 hours later we were back on the limo bus, drinking the last remains of Chardonnay, singing along to Marvin Gaye and Lionel Ritchie, among others. It's a really good thing there was a pole to hold onto, because a few of us just could not dance in our seats and took to dancing down the highway. I'm sure Larry had a whole new appreciation for old ladies after this trip.

The day ended with homemade chili back at Sue's as we watched the Oscar's 3 hours earlier than EST. Good friends, good wine, good times.

Where's the bathroom, where's my jacket, and where are my golf clubs?

2008-02-29T09:55:00.000-05:00

Here we go again. It could be a book. Traveling With Brophy. Fun times, with a little bit of scattered brain thinking along the way. Living in the moment has its advantages, IF you can remember enough of the past so you don't lose things or get lost along the way.

DAY 1: Arriving at Lindberg Airport in San Diego. Jet Blue was fabulous, by the way. I hope the guy in the aisle didn't mind me standing up and stretching at my seat! Plenty of leg room, head room, and a TV. Bring your own headphones and food. So we arrive and we are among the first group off the plane. I purposely organized my stuff and did not put anything expensive (like a camera) in the seat back pocket. I was sitting on my jacket...and for a split second I thought to myself, "I should pack this now so I don't forget it." But I didn't. So we get up, grab our carry-ons and head for the door.

"Where is the bathroom?" My mom said..."It can't be too far," but it kinda was. Out through the gate, past the rocking chairs, "There it is!" So in we went. "AHHHH!" I left my jacket on the plane. "You're kidding!" No I kid you not. You wait here..sit in one of these chairs and call Dotty. I'll run back to the gate.

So, back to the gate. Deserted. Are you kidding me? It's only been 10 minutes! How come when you're sitting at the back of the plane it takes 10 minutes just to get to the front of the plane?There is no one from JetBlue around. Not one person. So I walk back to talk to a TSA officer...."Where should I look? Who should I ask?"
"I would go back to the gate..there's another flight leaving in a couple hours...somebody will show up."

A couple hours??!! #%^&^%$ So back to the gate. Along the way I meet up with the 3 flight attendents from my flight. "Oh, the black jacket? The gate attendent has it and will bring it off the plane in just a minute...."
"Sweet!!" But it wasn't just a minute...the gate was deserted the plane was in blackness, the one JetBlue employee had no idea who to call or what to do. So we waited....I learned a few things: When travleing out of your area, make sure you have phone numbers with area codes in your cell phone address book. It's a pain if you don't have numbers memorized. Oh, and once you leave the jetway (that little tunnel you walk through to get on the plane) you cannot get back..you have to wait for someone to open the door from the inside or have special priviledges.

SO my jacket was being held hostage on the plane. We all knew it was there, we just didn't know how to get it. Finally, after what seemed an eternity, a little lady in an orange vest walked through the door carrying my jacket. "I'm sorry! I had no idea you were up here waiting for me. Do you know how much stuff gets left behind on flights every day?" Yes, I can imagine, I really can. Good thing I don't fly every day, you have an entire lost and found bin of my stuff.

So with jacket in hand, we head downstairs to Carousel 7 to retrieve our bags and my golf clubs. Bag 1, then bag 2, then the bags stop coming down the shoot while the carousel goes round and round. I walk to the other side....at this point the passengers have dramatically thinned out. There are only a few scattered faithfuls waiting, hoping for their bags. There are definitely no golf clubs.
Suddenly a voice over the loud speaker announces that golf clubs, surf boards and baby strollers can be picked up against the wall next to Carousel 1. Excellent!! So I go wait with the 4 golfers returning from Hawaii. They get their clubs. That's it. No clubs for me. CRAP! This is not happening. "Where are my clubs?"

"Go ask that guy." So I go over to the guy grabbing and ticketing unclaimed luggage. The baggage claim area is practically deserted now, except for my mom and Dotty waiting patiently.
"Excuse me...but my golf clubs are not here."
"What flight were you on? What airline?"
"JetBlue"
"Oh...those clubs are next to Carousel 1...." So back to the other end of the baggage claim area where my clubs are right where they are supposed to be. Thank goodness!

So, I also learned, sometimes you aren't given the information you need....but if you can ask the right person the right question soon enough, you will avoid a lot of needless sweating from all that running around.

A Story

2008-02-22T06:34:00.000-05:00

A year ago I was doing the same thing I am doing today. ..getting ready for school the day before vacation. Excited to be going on a trip to San Diego to visit crazy cousin Dottie! Life was good. Work was okay....in spite of the fact that we were dealing the best we could without our fearless Tech Team leader who was at home courageously battling back from successful brain aneurysm surgery in September. We were holding our own without her...trying to move forward with her vision and trying ever so clumsily to meet her expectations.

Off to the airport with my friend and my mom..off to sunny San Diego to visit crazy cousin Dottie. I had only met Dottie the summer before when the Tech Team traveled to San Diego for a conference. After several phone calls and attempts to find a good time to drive up to Encinitas to meet her and pay a visit, we managed a night like no other. Crammed into some little shit box of a car, up Santa Fe Drive, searching for the little cottage on the hill on Stratford Ave. We laughed, we drank, we drove to Charlie's By the Sea and ate dinner on the sand overlooking the Pacific sun setting on California surfers. It was a magical night.

Soon I would be introducing Dottie to yet another friend. A midnight cup of coffee at the San Diego airport kept us going...the Grand Marquis without any shocks, I swear, got us out to Stratford Ave once again, this time in the dark..our way lit up by the giant pine tree in her yard festooned with leftover Christams lights.

Chilly but warm. A fire was a constant in the fireplace each night, with a glass of Franzia. On Monday morning we decided we would venture into Tijuana. No, you do not need a passport to drive or walk over the boarder, or to get back! I swear! We looked it up on the Internet the night before. You only need a passport if you fly. Which we were not.

How cool is this? Armed with cameras and a jacket and a lot of laughs, we taxied to some street lined with shops. Did I mention it was 10 o'clock in the morning and we were the only ones there? We had so much fun haggling with the shop owners whose goal in life was to separate us from our last dollar. "For you? Practically free!" Trinkets, silver , turquoise, handbags, shawls, you name it. Practically free. They walked beside us along the sidewalk until we reached the next store front where we were greeted probably by their brother. Were they calling ahead? Here they come!!

I am not a crazy jewelry person, but I really liked the silver with red coral stones. I managed to snag a silver cuff bracelet inlaid with red coral chips. 20 bucks. And so the day went. We shopped til we dropped, walked back over the boarder showing our driver's license, and a smile, and back to Stratford Ave we went. The week was a fantastic mix of ocean, exercise, shopping, laughs, and a cat who slipped into our room each night through the open window. Did I mention the temperature dipped down into the 40's each night and the heat was non existant? Thank goodness for down comfortors and sweatpants!

Fast forward to summer in New England. It is pouring buckets..and has been for days. We are off to church and I have decided to wear my silver bracelet from Mexico. With the red stones. We head to breakfast, then off to church at the beach. Somewhere between putting on makeup and the homily my bracelet disappears. Gone. My brain is blank. I cannot even remember seeing it on my wrist. Maybe I never put it on? A twenty dollar bracelet from a vacation in mexico...gone. Why am I so upset? We looked EVERYWHERE! , back through the wet grass, the sidewalk, the parking lot.....retracing my steps. Back to the Airfield Cafe...maybe it's at home? Maybe I took it off?? Gone.

Two days later. "Let's go back to the church parking lot one more time," my husband says. And so we did. And there it was. Laying face down in the gravel parking lot, a little beat up looking, but whole..missing 3 stones. "Maybe you can get it cleaned up and fixed?" I was so happy. Talk about good karma!

Then off to the jewelers to get it fixed. "This could take awhile," he said, "But I have a new stone cutter." Good news! They found the stones that willmatch your bracelet...it should be ready in a week." The first day I was able to wear it I was so happy. It was November. I proudly wore it to work, showing my colleagues how beautiful it was. But by the end of the day, I noticed the stones were lighter in color.....there was pink dye on the cuff of my white sweater....What?!?!!

As I rubbed the newly polished red stones, the red dye was coming off on my fingers. This is not good. Back to the jeweler..who fired the stone cutter and promised me beyond promise taht he would fix it and make it right. But it could take awhile. It could take a trip to Arizona, even.

It is now the day before vacation, one year later. At work there is only one person left from the original trip to California....My friend has almost completely recovered, physically, from the trauma of last year. But there is more to the story...and there are emotional scars that may never go away..for any of us. The silver bracelet with the red stones is whole again. And I am going back to Encinitas once again. Who knows why I am going? To connect with family..to heal..to bring things to full circle. It is not the same, nor will it ever be the same, but it is still good. It is a healing place. There is good karma there.

The bracelet symbolizes so much in this story if you think about it..strength, patience, faith, beauty, perserverence, dedication and teamwork, to name a few. I am picking it up from the silversmith today. He does not know he has the last chapter in the story.

What do you need?

2008-02-21T06:25:00.000-05:00

I need coffee. Every morning. And occasionally, I need it again in the afternoon. I need 8 hours of sleep every night, which I don't usually get. I need to eat. Like every two -three hours..just a little bit...so that I don't crash and burn. I also need water, lots of water, especially if I'm going to the gym...otherwise..you guessed it...crash and burn.

I need to read. Every morning. Especially the news...the daily newspaper delivered to my house and several online editions. I need to write, too! Obviously.

Those are the basics, essentially, but I've been thinking about what I really need to function as a high level human being. I 've had moments without these things, and clearly I am a happier more productive person when my needs, or most of my needs are met.

1. Learn. Something new every day is the goal, but sometimes it's one big thing that carries over for weeks or months, and that counts.
2. Interact with likeable people. At least a couple times a day. Sometimes this is hard...I mean I do like a lot of people, but that is a relative word. Likeable people send off good vibes and make you feel more positive in general, which is a good thing.
3. Set goals. Every day. Little goals that get crossed off the short to do list, and long term goals to keep me focised on what's important...the BIG GOAL. Have a big goal.
4. Intellectual Interaction. That's a hard one. It's like a little quiz I have with myself every day. "Who can handle having a conversation with me today?" You'd be surprised. I do not need people to agree with me! To the contrary. However, there are a whole lot people who like to carry on one way conversations...all talk, no listening..no questioning. Is that a conversation? I don't think so. I feel fortunate if I can have 1 intellectual conversation daily. I usually end up having it in my head.
5. Friends. I like my space and my quiet time, and I even need it occasionally, but I need people. Am I needy? A little. I have a family, but friends are different. Different friends for different needs, I guess. See the list above.
6. Laugh. Sometimes friends make you laugh, sometimes family makes you laugh, sometimes I laugh at myself. Laughter is good.

So I used to think I needed to have fun, shop, eat, etc...but I guess all of those things are substitutes for something on the list. I've seen Oprah. I get it.

What do you need?