Something's Missing

SO you would think this blog would be about me, losing something, again. After all, I did lock myself out of my truck at McDonald's on Saturday. I didn't even have my phone..all I had was a debit card, so at least I didn't starve. It was like being on some reality show when I had to pick someone I could ask to borrow their phone.Last week I thought I lost my boots AND my sneakers. I even asked them to look through the Lost and Found at the gym. They were in my closet at home the whole time.

Nope, this is about missing pieces; trying to find what' s missing every day, because something must be wrong. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love my people, but something is definitely missing. I could not put my finger on it until I went to a basketball game Friday night just to see my old friend. I knew she would be there, and she was. It was like coming home again, even though we were in Portsmouth, which is definitely not home.

We hugged, we chatted, we tried to catch up. We hadn't seen each other since summer, and in 10 minutes we knew all the important stuff. But more importantly, we connected and it felt good to be with my friend.

"It was hard, at first, with my new team," she said. "I really like them, and all, they're lovely people, and then I finally figured it out. They are just not my friends. I am not working with my friends anymore. But it's okay, it's just different. They are just not my friends, really."

At that moment it was like, AHA. She was so right. And I knew from speaking with others that she had not been happy, that something was different. Something WAS different. I saw her that night for a reason. And then on Sunday I saw 2 more former coworkers, and I realized, sometimes you work with people, and sometimes, if you're lucky, you work with friends.
Sometimes if you work in a place long enough, your people become your friends.

I have been trying to find my friends in the people I work with, and they are just not there. Making friends is not something you can make happen, it just happens. So I will go to work, and be with nice people, friendly people, smart people, and sometimes weirdly funny people, and I will try to fit in somewhere. It is so like being the new kid in school or the new kid in class I cannot even tell you how awkward it feels sometimes. And I will remember working with my friends, but I will no longer try to find them. They are not really missing, they are just missed.