The Need to Be Inspired

No, I still have not had the time nor the energy to start a second blog. Today was an uninspiring day, filled with people totally absorbed in what they were doing. At the end of the day, everyone left, and no one said good bye. There are days like these, every now and then, when I find myself stuck again. There are days like today when my job seems immense and I feel tired-and I do not want the challenge. I don't know where to begin. Who gets priority? Who do I go to first? I wish there were 3 of me. Instead of everyone getting their fair share, everybody gets a little tiny scrap-and then I disappear. Things take too long to happen, problems are systemic, and we are still fixing the system. Except the end user doesn't see that-they just see their point on the spectrum. I can see the big picture, and it sometimes feels too big. It would be so much easier to throw equipment and toys at teaches and say "go teach-knock yourselves out!" Except it is ultimately not about the tech and the toys-it is about the teaching, and how the technology affects and influences the learning, when used the right way. And that seems very far away.

I am stuck between the rock and the hard place-not really on a team, except when it's convenient. I shouldn't complain, except on days like this when I have so many projects and things waiting for the magic touch..but no one to create with, the day just passes me by. I don't like that feeling. If I were to stop-which I am doing right now-and truly reflect on the small successes and importance of the tiny things, I would recognize that I did help a few people with things that mattered to them today. I did manage to get to the gym, to go running this morning, and to accomplish some seemingly small tasks. In the scheme of things, today was not up there on a list of days to remember.

I will have to take the day off tomorrow and reflect on the plan. There is a plan, and it is a good one. I will try no to let an ordinary day get the best of me-and try to remember what is extraordinary about it. And I will try to be patient-goal oriented and focused. Maybe it's time to move out of the copy room to a quiet zen-like space, or some other less public and distracting space. I will work on that .