Awkward Moments

I am feeling a bit like maybe I forgot to shower today-except I didn't-but so far my interactions with strangers and former co-workers have left me feeling like I should just stay in front of my television in my sweats and not venture outside.

Naively, I am excited to see people I used to work with, or people I once knew-in any capacity. I usually make the assumption they will be happy to see me. But just as quickly that excitement turns to confusion when I get a cool response and a "well, then have a nice day." Which usually comes right after they ask me a few questions about my family and my job. Did I say something wrong? Or do people really not care what you are doing in your life-they are just being polite and want to be on their way. Unfortunately, I take it personally, and then spend the next several hours reflecting on what I said or did in my past that might be causing them to react in the way they do.

Awkward moment. I was so uncomfortably shy growing up, until I got to know someone fairly well. But then once I got to know them, I thought everyone was my friend. I still feel that way. my husband reminds me that most people are not your friends-and now I am beginning to believe him and it makes me sad. Were they ever my friends? Or were they just being themselves-here today, gone tomorrow; out of sight out of mind.

I pride myself in my loyalty-but sometimes that i s to a fault. It is sometimes difficult to let go and admit that when I randomly come across folks I used to be friends with, not everyone thinks of me the same way. They are nosy, sometimes curious-but only so they can go back and report to their "real" friends.

In spite of the awkward moments that might ensue-I will not ignore people who I used to know. That is who I am. If they do not respond to my cheery "Hello, how have you been?" Then maybe they have not been very well and they choose not to share. I do find it interesting that I do not hear from many of my friends unless I contact them.

I was watching the very cheesy movie "He's Just Not that Into You" last night, and maybe I should take a clue from the movie and move on. My real friends know who they are. I think.

2 Years of Blogging

But it is my third December blogging-although the frequency has certainly diminished, now that I can express myself in 140 characters or less, but the blog still reigns supreme. So here's what' new!



I use iGoogle to keep the blogs I follow organized-I have a page of Technology blogs I follow and a page of general news type blogs as well. It is one of the first things i do in the morning-whereas I used to read the newspaper, now I check Tweetdeck, iGoogle, THEN my email from my Blackberry. It's all about efficiency. Of course it is also about selecting which news to read-customizing the content that is delivered to my desktop electronically.



This year my daughter inspired me to organize my photos. Of course she uses Snapfish, I just organized mine into folders on my hard drive. I also am proud to say for the first time ever I created a photo Christmas card-something I have been wanting to do, well, since my kids were little-now I have grandkids. Sometimes it takes me a while to actually get around to doing stuff.



We have colored lights on our tree. All those years of matchy-matchy lights and decorations. The colored lights are quite nice, and we finally figured out how to put the tree in the stand so it doesn't topple over.



I have been working with a personal trainer for a year. Yesterday during my session we reviewed the year. I have gained weight. BUT-I am Advil free and able to deadlift a whole bunch of weight and my back and shoulders and neck feel great. It's hard not to step on the scales and get that sinking feeling. And the bowl of Lindt truffles next to the computer doesn't help.

I will finish with a quote from one of my tweeps:

"Your Lifeforce is tangible albeit fleeting in the face of time. However, our immortality lies in the progression of sharing, not harboring."

And so I share with you whoever you are. Happy season of light and darkness, of winter and solstice. Cheers!

Happy Monday

Welcome to the last day of November. The day matches my mood-gray, somber and uncertain. It is a tired day-having gone out with a gusto. It is the changing of the seasons..as we are about to head into winter I feel the need to reflect. I keep coming back to "what is the one goal you are going to accomplish today?" and I cannot seem to whittle it down from 10. Hence my problem. Lately the demands on my time have been all consuming-to the point where I feel as though I am not able to give 120% and be effective at any 1 task. If you divide 120 by 10 you get 12-12 %. That about sums it up.

My glasses broke yesterday-and I did not get to Lenscrafters because the day was so crazy-can they be fixed and on my face before I leave the house tomorrow? Because I won't be back until Sunday...
2 Christa McAuliffe presentations-co presentations, actually-but who volunteered to do the slide shows? Yes, me.
Trip to Florida- had to be rebooked because I FORGOT I would be presenting at the conference-so now the trip is barely 2 days long.
Holidays- yep, I cooked 2 Thanksgiving dinners 5 days apart.
Family- daughter lives in Texas and is getting married in April-at least 2 more trips to Houston pending...
Do you have any plans to come West? To Encinitas....ummmmm, nothing in stone, yet...
What about the 1 day Neo2 training in NOLA? Anyone want to go?
Oh, and the Biggest Loser Team challenge- I am the team member that is gaining weight. "Why are you so cranky?" My husband wants to know. Lack of chocolate, sweets and carbs will do that.

Those are a few of the thoughts rolling around in my head this morning, and we haven't even started the day.

No wonder I had the re-occurring dream where I am in a car climbing a hill that goes straight up and never seems to end. Why doesn't the car flip over on its back as we try to climb? How will the car ever make it? It always does.

I think I will try to focus on 3 only things today-I already know 3 will double to 6 before I leave the house. 20 % is not good enough.

Remembering my own Advice

Baby steps. My favorite blog: Zen Habits-if I make a habit of reading it it keeps m grounded and focused on what really matters. Yesterday was Friday the 13th. That would explain a lot,except I didn't realize it was the unlucky day until 4pm while I was working the arc trainer at the gym, watching Oprah get ready to hand out 250 k to some lucky karaoke singer.



I didn't realize it when I was going over the finer details of the 10 thousand dollar tech grant I wrote and won for our tiny duck tape district-money that will surely make a difference for 3 out of 14 of their teachers.



I didn't realize it was the unlucky day while chatting with a colleague who finally, for real, freed me from the shackle and chains aka "the website".



I didn't realize it when, in my exhilaration over no longer feeling the website was my responsibly (which he shared with my boss(es) I stepped into a classroom of 3rd graders with laptops out and they spontaneously cheered when I walked through the door.



Nope. It was a pretty lucky day for me. Friday the 13th or not-it started out poorly, but luck had nothing to do with it. I did what I had to do to turn it around and make it a pretty lucky day.



So do what I did- read the blog, and make your life more productive and meaningful.

The Need to Be Inspired

No, I still have not had the time nor the energy to start a second blog. Today was an uninspiring day, filled with people totally absorbed in what they were doing. At the end of the day, everyone left, and no one said good bye. There are days like these, every now and then, when I find myself stuck again. There are days like today when my job seems immense and I feel tired-and I do not want the challenge. I don't know where to begin. Who gets priority? Who do I go to first? I wish there were 3 of me. Instead of everyone getting their fair share, everybody gets a little tiny scrap-and then I disappear. Things take too long to happen, problems are systemic, and we are still fixing the system. Except the end user doesn't see that-they just see their point on the spectrum. I can see the big picture, and it sometimes feels too big. It would be so much easier to throw equipment and toys at teaches and say "go teach-knock yourselves out!" Except it is ultimately not about the tech and the toys-it is about the teaching, and how the technology affects and influences the learning, when used the right way. And that seems very far away.

I am stuck between the rock and the hard place-not really on a team, except when it's convenient. I shouldn't complain, except on days like this when I have so many projects and things waiting for the magic touch..but no one to create with, the day just passes me by. I don't like that feeling. If I were to stop-which I am doing right now-and truly reflect on the small successes and importance of the tiny things, I would recognize that I did help a few people with things that mattered to them today. I did manage to get to the gym, to go running this morning, and to accomplish some seemingly small tasks. In the scheme of things, today was not up there on a list of days to remember.

I will have to take the day off tomorrow and reflect on the plan. There is a plan, and it is a good one. I will try no to let an ordinary day get the best of me-and try to remember what is extraordinary about it. And I will try to be patient-goal oriented and focused. Maybe it's time to move out of the copy room to a quiet zen-like space, or some other less public and distracting space. I will work on that .

Time to Split

I have decided to start a second blog dedicated to education and technology. The time has come. I have a lot to say-as usual, but no place to say it. And I do not have people to talk to on a daily basis that "get it." My PLN also known as my Personal Learning Network-the new buzz phrase in education-consists of educators in the UK, Kentucky, Nebraska, California, New York, Thailand, Australia, the Netherlands, Virginia, Texas, Minnesota, Missouri, Florida, Georgia and the list goes on. I think there are a lot of teachers out there that have a lot to say and no one to listen and share with-seems I have found a few of them. there are thousands more like me.

That alone is an interesting commentary on education-and my philosophy. I have been asked questions like, "Why do you use Twitter?" and, "Why should teachers and administrators blog?"
Well, it is a form of journaling-but with an audience an an intended purpose. We all have the potential and ability to be an author. Writing and publishing is no longer reserved for the relatively few who have access to publishers and editors. If you have access to a computer with Internet-wait-let me take that back-if you have access to a 199 dollar ipod touch-you can be a published author. Well, you need free wi-fi, too.

If you have something to say-say it. Tweet it, blog it, post it, comment on it-put it in Worlde, create a Glog, share it, upload it-but do not sit and watch the connected world pass you by.

I am now un-stuck. My door is open and the possibilities created by creating my PLN are endless. You are what you write. And writing is a craft that must be practiced. With the birth of the Internet, however, writing and sharing and communicating have become so much more dynamic. It is no longer acceptable to be a passive consumer of knowledge and information. We must now also participate in some fashion-and be able to create and share or forward information to others.

In school this used to be called class participation. You must participate in your own learning. Read, comment, ask questions, and respond to others. Debate, share, dialogue and discuss. Write.

Time to get back to writing more than 140 characters

Twitter has taken over my writing time-but with a limited audience (@brophycat) and only 140 characters at a time-there is no real opportunity to spew forth lengthy commentary on life. And it has been a couple months, so now it's time to put it down on paper so I can start fresh. Maybe it' s the change of seasons? Or the lack of summer? But as inspired as I feel, I also feel drained...like I need a break. But there will be no break on paper, anyways, until November.

So here's what's happening, and here are the questions that have been hangin' out for a couple months:

Every day I commute to work and it is a lovely ride over the bridge, over the bay, heading North. As I listen to the traffic update, they give the same report every day: "There is a slight delay heading south over the bridge"...ummm no delay have I ever seen-not at 8am. Do you think it's a pre-recorded update? It's supposed to be a live update. Yesterday as I went through the tollbooth to get on the highway heading North-traffic was backed up to the booth and crawling.due to offramp construction. What do you think the live traffic update said? That' s right...'No travel delays this morning, looking good."

I want to have some control over my life at work..well I have control, but not the kind of technical control I would really like. I may need to stage a coup. But I do not want to be a tattletale. I have spent a year developing and nurturing relationships and some clear personalities have emerged. One negative, and stuck, the other positive and visionary, but hampered by the possibilities of his own dreams. I am at their mercy..for now...but as time goes on, I find myself taking over more and more of what they are supposed to be doing, yet my job description and pay remain the same-and will always remain the same.

Why is David Letterman being seen as an okay guy when he was a jackass...just because he's funny? I bet his wife doesn't think he's so funny...

Why does it seem like the days are shorter and I am busier..am I really busier or is it just taking me longer to do the things I need and want to do? Time to check out David Allen's GTD. What is that all about?
http://www.davidco.com/index.php

I went to Houston to visit my daughter ad it was lovely and warm and summery, that was nice, but what is with all the power lines? And what is the best local fish? We were at the coast and nobody knew...what do you order for fish in Houston? I think you don't..I think you order beef or barbecue-with a Shiner.

So Twitter has proven to be fun, economical, efficient, and engaging. I have met more Tech teachers and professionals that can motivate, inspire and share than I can handle-almost. I have finally returned to learning at least one new thing every day. Maybe it's all the new stuff-and the potential of technology in education that is making me crazy. I said to a friend on Facebook the other day- I wish I had a crystal ball. But I don't. All I can do is inspire teachers to be the best teachers they can be whether or not they have the most up to date technology and equipment. Technology makes it nicer and easier, but it really is about 21st century teaching...

So that' s what' s up with Twitter-it has ramped things up. I now have friends in England, Thailand, Australia, NY, Kentucky, Colorado, San Diego, Connecticut and Idaho. And a hundred other places. Like @geobart in Denmark. It has also taken time away form writing more than 140 characters at a time.

I feel better now that I have fessed up and put it down on virtual paper. Time to head to work now-through the bottle necked toll booth and across the bridge where there is no delay. Maybe I will take an alternate route.

August Adventures

I am sitting in a hotel room two thirds of the way through a Microsoft Teacher Education 3 day workshop. So far I give the experience a B. It is kinda cool hanging out on the 6th floor of the Microsoft training facility-all green and orange and red-I promise to take a picture of the server room before I leave- So far the best part of the workshop has been connecting with the head of education marketing (well, he's probably not the head of marketing-but he is in the marketing department.)

It is a small group of teachers form Maine, Massachusetts and NH-and every one of us is committed to helping other teachers discover ways to engage students and using technology to do it.

Some observations. It is really quiet-carpeted hallways, dimly lit, lined with classrooms filled with laptops. The sign is obscure-tiny letters, no real signage once you enter the building, except for standing signs directing us to the West Elevators.

Laptops have been rented and images loaded-tech support has been contracted-a young man sits at his laptop, bored to tears, waiting for something to break. The Internet connection has been slow and there have been some server issues (but it looks so nice behind the glass wall!)

There has been interesting conversation-differences of opinion-different ways of doing business. The Microsoft teacher trainers have been engaging, interested and sincere in their desire to make things better for teachers. But they have a long way to go. Microsoft is no longer the Prom Queen. They are not the Yankees. They are not Goliath any more-and it is increasingly obvious they face stiff competition from all sides. But competition is good for everyone, and we are hoping it will be good for education.

We can only hope. Tomorrow we spend the morning creating an action plan-for the future. How will we use what we learned to impact education for kids? My thoughts were reinforced once again-that it is not about the technology-it is about the teaching. Great technology is not going to make great teaching. But great teaching will be impacted exponentially by the use of great technology. But in order to be great-it must be easy to access, easy to use, and able to be seamlessly integrated into those great lessons.

Lost

Not the television show. Maps are good, but only if you look at them. A GPS is good if you have one, and Google Maps is good if you believe it and can follow directions. Looking back at the route I took to get from Somersworth to Concord, it is easy to see where I went wrong.

I thought Concord was north. more north than it was. So I traveled west, then north and ended up way north of Concord. From Rochester I followed 202A into Strafford-lovely country, not many houses. I got concerned when I started going up a mountain and there were hills around me. Concord is flat. I thought to myself- if I am climbing, I am somehow going to have to get back down again-which could take awhile. So I'll take a left-head west-and cut through the hills.

I had my trusted Blackberry with Google Mobile Maps, and it is like a GPS. Open the app and it picks up your location-then you type in an end point and get directions. Except the street (.2 miles ahead on the left)it told me to take was nowhere to be found. That' s okay, I kept driving, knowing I had traveled further than two tenths of a mile. Should I take Bow Village Road? How about the next left? So up I continued to climb, taking the next left. I was confident my left hand turn would lead me to some main road,like route 202 or rout 4 or route 9.

A mile later I was travelling into a densley wooded area and the road turned to dirt. Hmmm....this is not a good sign. I was not immediately worried because I had a full tank of gas and I was very early, with plenty of time to get to my destination. My only fear was that after 10 minutes of driving, the road would turn out to be a dead end. But the road kept going, past fields, and trees, and farms. And the I came to a clearing and passed a large body of water on my left. Finally, the road came to an end and I needed to make a choice: left or right? I chose left-and continued winding and bumping my way along. The good news was I was no longer climbing. The bad news was I had no cell phone service. And my Google Maps changed my location, but I was so far away from Concord, I could not tell if the green blinking dot was actually moving north, south, east or west. I assumed southwest, so I kept driving.

When I came to a Boy Scout Reservation and saw cars parked I thought, "This is a good sign! Civilization!" I tried a shout out- like Cash Cab- to phone a friend for a landmark-but no service. So I kept driving. I passed another body of water on the right, and when I came to the next fork in the road, I went left again, and eventually (an hour and a half later) I found my way to route 4 in Northwood. I was quite satisfied with myself that I found my way out of the woods- although if i had been hiking, I would have been In serious trouble.

How could I have got so turned around? Looking back at Google Maps from my desktop the next day, it was easy to see where I went wrong. Be careful when you rely on GPS or Google Maps. It takes some common sense and a sense of where you are in the world to navigate shortcuts.

But as usual, I try to take the good with the bad-and I ended up seeing places I had never seen before. I am now familiar with a whole new tract of land between route 202A and Route 4. And the next time I think I know where I'm going, I will look at a map BEFORE I leave. I di dget lost a few times in DC, I just didn' t tell anybody. Darn.

Golfing in the Rain

Not Singing in the Rain. I bought rain gear...just to have in my bag, just in case. But I do not golf in the rain. I am a fair weather golfer-I have a hard enough time playing well in nice conditions, why would I want to battle the elements, too? Earlier this week I had a tee time with my husband and his friend. The day dawned-not bright and sunny, but overcast and a little muggy-but not rainy. I played well in Ladie's League Monday night, so I was pumped to play well.

No more tennis elbow in my left arm, I now have it in my right arm. But nothing a little ibuprofen and brace can't help. I was looking forward to walking 18 holes of golf for the first time in over a month.(It has rained 40 days and 40 nights since the end of May, here.)

The first few holes were passable-not great, but my chipping and putting looked fabulous! The first nine holes were relatively dry-n the air anyways. Of course int he fairway we were playing puddle golf-dunk and splash. But by the time we were on the 12th hole, we were playing in the rain. It was a light drizzle to start, and we actually thought it was mist coming in off the Bay as the tide rolled in. But mist turned to drizzle, and drizzle turned to a light, wind driven rain.

"I don't play golf in the rain" I said as we headed out toward the farthest point on the course. If we walk in now we have to walk past 5 holes- we might as well keep playing. So I golfed in the rain. Slippery, wet, puddly, leaky, soaking wet feet but not freezing cold, rain. I survived, and it was not all that bad. Of course I was glad when it was over, and my score was pretty bad, but as it turned out-it was actually my low score for the week.

Two more sun drenched rounds later, I have discovered I am auditorily distracted- and as soon as the sun came out, so did the lawnmowers and tractors-en masse. Tractor traffic everywhere-following me, cutting me off, distracting me-trying to mow and mow and mow while the sun is shining and the course is drying out.

So I will golf in the rain because it is quiet. And that golf umbrella I was looking at just a day earlier when I declared-"I don't golf in the rain!" Guess what- I'm buying it.

The rain has ended, vacation has begun, kind of...

I just returned from Washington, DC after attending a Technology in Education conference. It was a great time. I had the opportunity to meet people, network, and go exploring. The only thing I lost was myself-momentarily. I was surprisingly calm, unfrazzled, and relaxed. I made the conscious decision not to try to do everything and be everywhere. I gave myself permission to take time off, to clear my head, and to take risks. It was well worth it.

Here are some observations about the Capitol city itself, however, as compared to other places I've been.

The Cross Walk Game- alternating between pedestrian lights, walkers criss-cross their way throughout the city without missing a beat. Unlike New York, where people walk out into traffic, and different from NH where drivers are legally obliged to stop for pedestrians on the crosswalk-here in DC, you better get out of the way-especially for drivers turning right!

Power Dressing: Yep, I can never figure out why anyone would want to bring business suits and heels to a summer conference-but I was in the minority in my pedal pushers and cardigan. I guess the J Crew look is fine for the shore, but not for the power meeting. I will give a shout out for my birkies- I walked for miles without a foot ache or a back ache.

iphone Madness- I know it's very cool-but not everyone owns an iphone...yet. If it wasn't tied up with AT&T alot more people would have one..but it was annoying for technology presenters to make the assumption that we all had the toy. This conference was all about the iphone.

On Getting lost: 2 friends, 2 iphones, 2 friends lost-they used their app-they just couldn't read the map. iphone app vs. phone call or text or asking a stranger on the sidewalk?

Doubledecker Tour: A group of guy got on board and came up with a great idea! Serve beer! The tour guide recommended Georgetown, so they got off for a pint and caught the next tour bus that went by.

Record Number of Potties: Seriously-in preparation of July 4th? Or does the Mall always have hundreds of portable toilets lined up ready for action. I counted 2 sets of fifty. I could see several more. Yipes!

The year of the Tweet: It was all about twitter-I missed the tweet-ups where tweeters could meet each other face to face. I almost met a follower, but my tour was running late, so never happened. There were a die hard group of conference tweeters, and it was quite interesting to follow. 36 more followers during the conference...

Capitol Hill Luck: I met people I kind knew, before you knew it, we were off to Capitol Hill in a cab headed for the Library of Congress open house. There we met up with a couple of folks from Manitoba, and upon leaving (in the rain)we decided to grab a bite to eat. We wandered up the hill, and a lovely young teacher approached us and asked if we were looking for a place to eat! How fortuitous! We ended up at the Good Stuff Eatery where Michelle Obama likes her burger. What were the chances of us happening upon a personal restaurant guide on the streets of Capitol Hill at 9:00pm on a rainy Tuesday night!!

Presentation Supplies Needed: Kinkos across from the convention center was completely wiped out-my recommendation? Kinkos should stock up on presentation supplies whenever conferneces are scheduled. Who does the ordering there? You can't sell what you don't have. I woud have died for colored sticky tabs for my conference book.

Crackberry passes the test: I brought my laptop only to find that I, along with thousands of conference attendees could not connect due to a lack of IP addresses. So I ditched the laptop and used my Blackberry to connect, take notes, text and tweet. The only place it didn't work was the blogger's cafe in a world of Apple and iphones-could At & T have had something to do with that? I will continue to hold out for an iphone that does not come bundled with an AT & T contract...

So, Dc was a combination of Boston, Philly and NYC : Historical, metropolitan, multicultural, and artistic-and surprisingly inexpensive. I will go back again-but next time I will take the train and be sure to catch the Red Sox.

Things I Miss

I thought about this the other day-a completely random thought, initiated by a Tim Gunn ad on my Facebook Home page. I thought to myself, "I really miss Project Runway!"
And my brain grabbed onto that thought-just as egos do, and it has been nagging at me ever since.

I look at something and think, "I really miss that..." And so I thought I would make a list and put it out there..

I do really miss Project Runway..."Make it work!"
I also miss warm, tropical breezes....Charleston, SC., Pinehurst, NC, Bermuda, Siesta Keys, FL..it is gray and gloomy here in New England- June gloom has nothing on us..it's Jan-Jun Gloom...with a smattering of sunshiny days thrown in.

Martha's Vineyard-and the Black Dog...Edgartown...The News

Hangin with my friends....more often..seems to be fewer opportunities for us to get together in one place. My former teacher friends and I made a standing dinner date once a month so we would stay in touch. That is a great idea. I try not to miss that unless I absolutely have to.

Working out with a friend-it's a lot easier to go to the gym when you're meeting someone there...

The US Open- coming up again. I can't believe I was at Torrey Pines last year- seems like forever ago...

Taking classes-going to school-weird, huh? I love teaching, but being a student makes me think harder..now I need to gear myself up to learn something new, and there's no one really to bounce ideas off of of challenge my ideas....time to look into something more perhaps?

The old Facebook- I can barely remember what it was like! But I do know I have some friends that have stopped using it..it's too random now, and I usually like random things. It doesn't feel connected anymore. Everyone's talking but nobody's listening..

Being able to eat anything that's bad for me-whenever I want- now if I eat something totally unhealthy I think twice about it and have to eat make-up food the next day.

Skiing-in the winter-I think, I would love to go skiing, but it's so much work, and who would go with me? It's kind of like golf- I don' t have enough skiing/golfing friends who can randomly take a day off and hit the slopes or the course..

Road trips- I really love road trips...

Things I Miss. After reflecting, I am glad to say I don't have material things on the list, which is interesting to me. Some things I will never get back, and others will be replaced by a whole new set of experiences. And still others make me think if I miss it so much, why not just, "Make it work!"

Tim Gunn, I really miss you...

Lost in Translation

Ever wonder about translating? When you listen to someone, take in their information, make sense of it, and then try to figure out how to relay that information to others so they actually understand not only what you are saying, but the meaning and intention behind it?

I am a translator of technology speak...kind of. I suddenly realized this week that on a daily basis I bridge the world between those that are just learning the language, and those that are native to it. In a bizarre twist of fate, however, I am also a translator of education lingo. My background and formal education are in education....and I sit juxtaposed between two worlds, every day.

Every day I must translate back and forth so that the Technology Native Speakers and the Educators can communicate with each other. No easy task. Imagine you are native to a foreign country, and you have cooking skills- and a recent immigrant asks you to prepare their favorite meal- New England Lobster- for a dinner party. In your native country, Lobster is a bottom feeder in the ocean- a scavenger akin to crow or buzzard or a raccoon and you cannot for the life of you imagine anyone wanting to eat its flesh. You know where to buy it, how to cook it, but you have no understanding of why anyone would want to eat it, nor do you understand all of its many secret and delectable culinary uses. I as the translator, have to listen to both sides of the story and convince you that it is a worthy endeavor.

I could be a world renowned negotiator. The negotiation skills I am honing are incredible, but my brain hurts. Every day it is something new.

"What does an ipod touch have to do with teaching-what can you do with it besides shop on ebay and play beer pong?" Point.

"The ipod touch will not connect to Google-it keeps asking me to sign into the wireless network. How come I can access ebay, but not Google?"

"How come teachers cannot have administrator privileges on their own machines? They cannot even run Adobe and Flash updates."

"The only time we ever get viruses is on machines where teachers are administrators."

And back and forth it goes. Point, counter point. The one thing neither side counted on is my tenaciousness and persistence. I do not give up. If something is useful and important I will bring it back to the table again, and again, trying not to offend either party. Negotiation and translation skills necessary.

Today I am back to the Teacher side of the table early in the morning, then to the Technology side of the table later on. Then back to my office to assess what was gained and lost for either side. If I make no headway, it probably means my translation for either side was not as good as it could have been.

It is an interesting psychology experiment, and fun to watch the second language develop on either side of the continental divide. The language comes easiest to those who admit they are still in the learning stages. Development is slower in those that think they have enough understanding to get by. There are both kinds in either group. I am learning to use my resources wisely, and use peer teaching whenever possible.

I am hoping today will go well. I am also hoping that soonr, rather than later, the language skills on both sides of the table will meet somewhere in the middle.

Stop Complaining

Spring is really here, and we are on our way to summer. The lilacs are blooming, the grass is growing, and the water is being sucked from the top of the pool cover. This weekend is Memorial Day weekend. With any change of season, there comes reminiscing-looking back at the last year and the past-remembering the good times and the bad times and moving forward.

I fondly remember time spent with friends and family: graduations, birthday parties, cookouts or barbecues, the Mother's Day Flood, and trips to New york and New Jersey. Reflecting on my last post, I shouldn't have complained about my trip to Myrtle Beach, but rather accepted it for what it was. Two weeks later I can look back and say to myself, the courses were absolutely beautiful, there were some amazing golf shots, there was a lot of laughter, and I was able to golf relatively pain free and live to tell about it. No, it was not as much fun as it could have been, but it was warm and sunny and good to get away.

You see, I really don't have much to complain about these days, really. my very good friend lost her husband two weeks ago-suddenly, and now she is alone. Just like that. "It sucks," she tells me every day. She is moving on-she isn't complaining or feeling sorry for herself. The most she says is, "This sucks-no really, it just sucks." So how can I complain about anything?

All around me friends have parents who are aging and losing their ability to think, reason, and be independent.They are in hospitals, nursing homes, or need constant care. How can I complain about my feisty, chatty mother who is starting to tell me the same stories over and over again, but her ailments consist of an achy joint here or there and she is still going to work every day and getting ready to set up her first laptop?

I certainly cannot complain about my job- I love my job! All of my past experiences have led me to this point in work, and in life. The people I connect with now are directly or indirectly related to my past. It's that karma thing again.

So I cannot complain-really, about anything. If I have a sore back from golfing last night it's because I did not follow the very good advice of my personal trainer-and I did not warm up first. I will pay for that later today at the gym. So stop complaining. Enjoy the lilacs, and the bees, and the growing grass while you reach for your box of Kleenex. Fire up the grill, put on the sunscreen, and sunglasses, and laugh. Remember your friends and family and how lucky you are.

On Looking for Fun and Adventure

I recently returned from my annual golf vacation to Myrtle Beach. I am thinking it might be time to change things up a bit. The typical formula for Myrtle Beach fun had been strayed away from the last 2 years. There is a reason why the recipe for fun must be adhered to, otherwise, the whole experience falls flat.

After last year's escapade with family friends, I thought to myself, "This wasn't as much fun without my husband and his friends- they are way more fun.....next year I will go with them." So, heading into 2009, with a new job and different responsibilities and a more flexible schedule, I firmly decided I would go whenever my husband and his friends went.

Up until 2 weeks before the trip we had 8 golfers...and then 2 dropped out...and then 1 more dropped out.."Have fun golfing with your wife all week," my husband's friend commented to him.
Should I drop out? Not fair...I was in from the beginning! But, I was the "fifth" golfer. And a wife. I tried to convince myself it would be fine; my husband told me it would be fine; I knew it would be less than fine. It is easier to be one of the boys when there are more than 6 golfers. It is impossible to be one of the boys when you are the fifth wheel.

I love my husband's friends-they are funny, kind, and down to earth. But they are his friends.

We went to a birthday party for another of his friends the night before we left for Myrtle Beach."So, what do you do? Do you go to lay by the pool and hang out while they golf?" one of the wives asked me...

Another sign. I had neon, glaring signs all the way, and I stubbornly stuck to my decision to go because I wanted to have fun. Let me just say-you cannot go looking for fun and adventure- it must find you. There were moments that were fun-like the ferry ride over to Bald Head Island-but the greens had been aerated and we were all really tired. Like playing World Tour International and getting to Amen Corner and the 17th hole at TPC Sawgrass- but it was a cheap imitation- no where near the real experience-you can not re-create fun.

And then there was listening to the boys tell stories about their day together-we had no stories to share. Who wants to hear about how annoying my husband is? I couldn't rag on their friend. "It's okay if we make fun of each other," he said,"but they don't know how to take it if you make fun of me, it just sounds like you're complaining." Great. Do not try to pretend to be having fun-it just comes off as complaining, I guess.

There were things that happened that I thought were fun and funny, and no one agreed with me. That was awkward. Some holes I outplayed the guys....that was fun for me, but I couldn't show it..they were sulking. When I hit a bad shot, I couldn't smash my club and swear, like them. They didn't thinkthat was fun. They smoked cigars and drank Coors Light. I was thankful for my occasional Bloody Mary. I hit from T boxes that were too far back and barely made it over the crap- and let me tell you there was nothing but crap, sand, and water. More golf lessons from my husband. Not fun.

And so it went. We played a lot of golf. The boys all had fun. It was a smashing success. They have very low expectations and their fun involves swinging a golf club, ending the day with a too large serving of beef and sweet tea, and soaking in the hot tub-followed by watching the Celtics, th Bruins and the Sox. No American Idol, Dancing with the Stars and Grays?

So, I am rethinking the whole Myrtle Beach golf experience with the boys. I had more fun last year with a mixed group. Maybe I am an annoying golfer. Maybe it is no fun to play with a wife. Next year I will not try to plan my fun with high hopes and great expectations. I will let fun find me and see what happens. There is fun and adventure out there waiting for me, I know it.

I Remember My Grandmother

And I think I am turning into her.....Lately I have discovered that if you write a letter or let someone know you are dissatisfied, sometimes, they will try to make things right. In the last month alone I have: received 10 journal magazines and 6 books from a professional organization I joined this summer. Apparently, all of my mail was delivered to my former place of employment-and it was never forwarded to me. Big surprise there!!contacted membership, and they called me, spoke to me personally, and told me they would re-send everything I had missed-free of charge!!I was pleasantly surprised to receive these goodies. Next time I will pay attention to my mailing address when I sign up for stuff.

I also received a voucher with LUV- Southwest Luv, that is...my airline of choice. After the price of my ticket dropped almost 200.00 when I flew to California last month, I wrote them a letter and, after a 50.00 service charge, I now have a flight to Houston to visit my recently relocated daughter. Hooray!

And I have been living with an insanely drippy coffee pot from Mr. Coffee for a almost a year. The gasket around the top has always leaked..and so, I did a little digital detective work and contacted the company through a third part website-was I surprised when I received a reply saying they would ship me a new decanter!! I received it last night and words cannot express how happy it made me to pour my coffee this morning and not end up with a drippy coffee mess all over my counter!!

So there you have it, ask and you shall receive. Or, if you don't ask, you will never know what the answer would have been. I am batting 1000. And I have ben pleasantly surprised with the corporate responses to my concerns. These three companies, at least, have done the right thing and that has made me a happy girl.

Time Heals All Wounds

It really does. But when you are in pain, time can go very slowly, so much so that time is measured in the minutes and hours of every day, and the goal of each day is to get through it to get to the next day, so that it can be over as well. But then one day you think to yourself,"Hey, things are good!Life is good! I am no longer wishing and hoping and dreaming about things getting better, because they are. Just like that, it happens.

I can say from personal experience this is a fantastic phenomenon, and one that works for both physical and emotional pain. Take for example the huge bump on my shin that resulted from my collision with a moving golf cart. That occurred 10 months ago. At first, several times a day I thought to myself, "That bump is with me for life. I have a deformed shin with a bump." The other night I had an itch, and when I scratched my leg I noticed the bump was barely noticeable. Just like that, time healed my wound.

There's a slight issue with my tennis elbow, too. After 6 months of OT that seemed to render negligible results, I would have to say that 2 months after my last treatment during which my therapist proclaimed me cured..I guess I am cured! Well, about 85-90% cured. Every now and then if I lift heavy weights or sleep with my arm all crunched up, it is painful, but the pain goes away. Time heals all wounds.

And those are just the most recent, obvious physical ailments. Then there are the times in the last few years I thought I would die from misery. Clearly that didn't happen, because here I am writing about it. But when you find yourself counting days, weeks, months and years, and thinking and remembering the evil twisted events of the past, or you cannot sleep at night because your heart hurts and your head is full of memories, it is a miracle when one day you wake up and realize you have not thought about any of it for days or weeks. When anniversaries of dreaded moments come and go and are no longer celebrated and thought about with dread, when voices and people from the past no longer cause stomach pain and anxiety, and when you no longer daydream about things to be the way they used to be, you will know time has healed.

It has not been months...but as time goes by, days and weeks will turn into months and months into years. And then one day it will seem so far away and long ago it will barely be a scrape.
One day the thing you thought you would never get over and never forget, will be a whisper, a dream, a memory, and you will have to really think hard to remember the awfulness. Time truly does heal all wounds.

I'm Back

So I am all recover from my vacation..and it's on to the next vacation. This time it's a vacation with a theme: Golf or die trying. 3 and a half weeks to Myrtle Beach. Me and the guys...the goal is to beat John, and to lose weight, which just may happen if I can stay away from the 9am beer.
I bought a new driver-a Taylor Made Burner with a 10.5 loft and senior shaft..and I can crush it. If I practice putting, life should be good. But that' s in May. Let's talk about now.

I am in the final days of my Microsoft March Madness series of 8 basic Office classes for teachers. It has been an overwhelming success...so much so that I am getting hugs at the end of class. I have held 6 workshops,; some have been at every workshop. They drag themselves to the High School library,after working all day, and I have to kick them out at 4:30. I was sick one day and had to cancel a class and they are insisting on making it up. Their heads are spinning with information, but they come back to me every other day for more.

Today I am working with teachers who created their very first PowerPoint EVER on Monday..and I am going to show them how to add animation and slide transitions.

This has been a very humbling experience. Here I have been making a major assumption that everyone had basic technology skills and was ready to advance to the next greatest idea. How presumptuous of me! How can teachers possibly be confident enough to use technology with their students every day if they do not know how to open MS Office, create a new folder, save and rename files, and insert clip art? It has been a wonderful experience, as they learn, their confidence grows. They are not afraid of trying new things, they are asking all the questions they feel too dumb to ask their friends, and they are learning web 2.0 at the same time! We are enjoying rich discussions about Creative Commons, Flickr, Delicious, Twitter and Internet copyright laws.

So it may seem funny to some, that there are actually folks out there that do not know where the "ON" button is, but how will they learn if w don't take the time to teach them? So every day I know I made the right decision to move on in my career. I am there for a reason, and it is just the beginning of great things to come. I no longer take for granted what I have worked hard at and learned how to do. I love technology, I love teaching, and I love education. I am thankful for the opportunity to share it with others. Do something amazing today-I plan to.

Is this a vacation?

I really had no intention of coming back to California so soon after the US Open in June...but things happen. My mom thought my brother was taking her to California...turned out it was a misunderstanding. He was only looking for Christmas money from her so he could take his family to California. Oops! So after looking at really low airfares, I decided, hey! Let's do it!

We decided to go in March-since February has typically been cool in San Diego. And after the winter we have had in New England, I was totally looking forward to a sunny vacation.

Now if you've ever traveled with me you know things happen-always. Not to disappoint anyone, my first mistake was in booking the trip with a layover. I misread the itinerary and forgot to include the time change in my flight time. We flew an hour to Baltimore and then still had a 5 and a half hour flight to San Diego. We had not eaten anything more than peanuts and crackers since we left Manchester at 3pm. It was my first night of no supper. I was starting to get cranky...

Then when we arrived and went to the luggage carousel....my worst fear came true. No luggage. Nothing. No clothes. Just the jeans and t shirt on my back. "That's okay, you can wear my clothes," Cousin Dotty graciously offered. "Here, I have a package of brand new underwear!" Thank goodness! And what a treat to be able to share clothes with a 65 year old! I will never again over pack...I know this is some kind of karma...

The next day we caught the Amtrack Surfliner to Santa Barbara. Since Deanna fell the week before our trip we got the extra special privilege of sitting in the Senior Citizen Car. Woohoo!!

Off the train in Burbank at Bob Hope Airport, Fr. Ray picked us up. We had a lovely champagne brunch and then headed to San Fernando to see where he lived before heading to Santa Barbara.
I looked smashing in my Tye dye T-shirt and 24 hour jeans. Ray took us to meet Fr. Jim, the 90 year old priest he cares for, and we saw his photo album of their trip to Fr. Fred's mission in Haiti.

We arrived at the Upham Hotel in Santa Barbara, and stayed in the same room we had last year. We visited with Dotty's daughter and son in law and grandaughter. It was my second official night of no supper.

Day 2 in Santa Barbara was spent shopping, kind of. But if we wanted to get in before midnight, we had to catch the 2pm train back to Solana Beach. We met Lisa for a great lunch on the deck overlooking Santa Barbara Harbor at Brophy's Clam and Seafood Restaurant. The cioppino was superb, but I should have starting carbo loading. The train ride home was uneventful, back to the Senior Car, and we arrived home to a glass of wine and some snacks..no supper, Day 3.

Do I sound like I am stuck on the eating thing?

So here we are back ini Encinitas at Cousin Dotty's-who now has a roommate. A lovely woman who has taken over her spare room upstairs. The room with the view, and the bathroom. My room. Darn. What that means is I have to share a room AND a bed with my mom, and the three of us have to share one bathroom. Oh, oh. Oh and did I mention my mom is allergic to the two cats Dotty has? And di dI mention all of her allergy meds were in the lost luggage?Oh, oh...And did I mention my mom is a constant complainer? She does not suffer in silence...

Well, so night one in Encinitas was pretty sleepless..."I'm cold, my eyes itch, my ankle is puffy, my knee hurts, I'm so stiff, I have a head ache, my feet are freezing...on and on and on...but we did cook a fantastic supper. Night two was no better than night one, mom apparently is awake every hour during the night ans she thinks everyone else is, too. At 2:30 am she says, "Can you please move over? You're too close to me. " Woke me up from a fantastic sleep...short, but fantastic. My day started at 3am... Non -stop conversation during the day continues into the night.

Night three Dotty gave up her own bed for me, and she slept on the window seat/twin bed. I finally slept throught the night.

Night 4 Dotty took her room back...she tried to sell me on the window seat/twin bed. Now my stuff (our luggage was waiting for us when we arrived back from Santa Barbara) was strewn between my mom's room, Dotty's room, and the dining room. I was a homeless person. No spot to call my own. At least it was relatively warm and the orange tree out back provided fruit and snacks.

Now in between the sleeping and eating, of course we had sunny, beautiful days..days punctuated by the non stop continuous chatter of my mom. She would talk to a wall. It doesn't matter if you respond, because she doesn't listen. She talks over everyone. She is sweet, and endearing and everyone loves her, including me. But she talks too much.

It has been a very long week...the Seniors are exhausted and last night went to bed at 9pm. Woohoo! I watched a DVD on my laptop. The days of sitting in the sun have not materialized, as the temperature has not made it past 65 degrees. Today will most likely involve cleaning, shopping for food and cooking for the St Patty's dinner party tonight. What will tomorrow bring? We shall have to see....but for now, it is quiet except for the birds chirping and the clock ticking. I have a fantastic view of a patio and palm trees and if it were sunny...the ocean. I can almost imagine being on vacation....

What's in your gene pool?

I'm on vacation in not so sunny California this week with my mom and her cousin. This has become an annual pilgrimage across the country not only to visit an absolutely gorgeous state, but to re connect with family. It is important, for my mom, and for me. The gene pool is drying up.

Last night around the dinner table that included my mom, her cousin, the starving artist who lives in the cottage out back, and the other starving artist who lives upstairs in what use do be my room, (a little resentment there) we talked of family, and the only surviving relative that connects us (excluding the starving artists..)Auntie Barbara.

Out came the family photo..taken in probably 1945..the entire Witham clan, headed up by matriarch Nellie, with 5 children, their spouses and their children. Auntie Barbara was the youngest of the siblings' wives. And she was a beauty queen. With a gorgeous face, long dark hair and proper pose, she really was a beauty queen, having own at least one contest in her youthful prime.

"How is Auntie Barbara?"
"She's doing okay.." Does anybody know how old she is? It is the last best guarded secret in the family.
"I think she must be 84 or 85...."
"Really? How old were you in that picture? You look like you were two," my mom says to Dotty.
"I don't know, probably. How old was Barbara when she got married? 19? 20? She can't have been more than 20..." On and on the guessing went, until finally Dotty, said, "I'll just look it up on the computer!
"You can do that? My mom says..
"And before Dotty could answer she shouted back ," She's 84!"
"Well her birthday is today, so she's 85 now!"

Technically, Barbara is not in the gene pool we share. She married my grandmother's youngest brother when he was in the Navy during WWII. At eighty-something she is the lone survivor.

The California starving artists were amazed as the family talk circled around the dinner table: Toni Perms, eye brow waxing, engineers, teasing, Baptist Methodists marrying catholics, drugs, jail time-there was enough drama to last a lifetime. The family resemblance between cousins is remarkable. There is just enough flakiness to know the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, either. Spending oh so much family time with my mom, we share some eerie qualities with Dotty: losing things, often, independence (stubbornness), but also, laughter, loyalty and big hips. We trip, we fall (my mom has this down to a science..what is wrong with you this month?) and we have the uncanny ability to pick ourselves up and go on.

It is a gift to be able to take this time to peer into the rapidly evaporating gene pool...to notice the water rings, the light reflecting of its surface, and to see, with increasing clarity down into its depths...the water can get murky at times, and there are pebbles and other obstacles on the bottom, but it is peaceful and charming, and it is mine.

4 months

It goes by in a flash, but seems like an eternity at the same time. 4 months of healthy living. What do I have to show for it? I'm not really sure. It' s not a straight path to the finish line, that's for sure; and who wants to race to the finish line anyways? It's trial and error, and becoming aware of choices that affect how you feel and function as a human being.

It's about becoming wiser and more intuitive. It's about increasing self discipline and foregoing instant gratification. It's about patience and perseverance and not stepping on the scale every day.

Here's what I've learned:

1. Even doing little things inconsistently is better than doing nothing at all.
2. Slowly, you adjust and even the little things become habits for living.
3. Drinking 8 glasses of water a day, although maybe an old wives' tale (alright, so I am an old wife!) seems to work, for a lot of reasons
4. The difference between soreness and pain is subtle...
5. You can take more than you think you can, so working with someone who can push you is crucial
6. Sometimes it's hard to know when to stop pushing through pain, so see number 5.
7. Never give up, because it's never too late to improve your well being.
8. Do not waste time brooding over the past....because it is gone and you cannot get it back.

So, even though I just had a slice of cold pizza for breakfast, my body is telling me that probably was not a good choice, and I will remember that the next time I get the impulsive urge to eat something that has been sitting in the refrigerator for 3 days.

But I will drink my water and take my vitamins and do my crunches and push ups and stretches and arm exercises and not look back. 4 months will turn into 5, then 6, then a year. There is no finish line, really. Life is a journey, just like the cliche...slow and steady wins the race. That's a hard one for me...I am learning to be slow and steady instead of fast and furious. Good things come to those who wait...I'm sure, but better things come to those who can grow and change and continue to learn.

It's not easy being green

Kermit the Frog once sang a song from the heart about the trials and tribulations of being green. This song has been playing in my mind this week as I continue to lose things,including myself, in my efforts to improve my punctuality.

I hate being late for appointments. And it is said that it is a control thing. People who are late, like to have the world revolve around them...so that they are controlling the situation. I have a hard time believing that, but yet, somehow, subconsciously, I believe that it is true.

So I had an appointment this week with a Wedding Planner to get information and tour a venue for my daughter. The appointment had to be changed because some one's schedule changed (not mine) and thus, I was not in control of the situation. The appointment was now scheduled for 4:00 in the afternoon. Not leaving myself enough time, I tried to get off the highway and head though town, only discovering that I had no clue how to get there in a quick and efficient way. I had to call my husband who I was supposed to be meeting there, and admit I would be late. Upon arrival I had to admit I was late because I did not leave work early enough. To make matters worse, someone in front of me at the tollbooth tried to put a dollar bill into the quick change basket. And then decide against it and had to rummage through his vehicle for loose change-only to toss the dollar bill into the basket anyways: time elapsed? 5 minutes. There were red lights, and wrong turns and a big circle, that's all I know, and I was 30 minutes late.

The appointment was uneventful, and off we headed in separate vehicles. As we headed through Newmarket toward home, I following the Bravada, we approached the train tracks. Head down, I followed the vehicle in front of me, not paying much attention to the headlights approaching down the track to my left. As I awakened from my thought, I noticed the red flashing lights of the cross bar just as the bar lowered behind my passing truck and the train's horn blew a warning to signal its crossing. Phew! that was a little close!

The next event kicked off the weekend in a really big way. I was meeting a friend at her house to go to a hockey game. I was determined Not to be late. I rushed through my workout and dashed out of the gym and headed to her house. As I pulled into her driveway it was 5:00 on the dot. But there were no cars in the drive and her house was in darkness. Maybe she parked in the garage? The boys were barking tehir heads off as I sat in my truck for a few minutes gathering my stuff. Because of my rush, my stuff was everywhere. I got out of the truck and walked up to the house and the barking continued. I hadn't been there in awhile. I opened the door leading to the foyer and proceeded to open the kitchen door. As I did, I heard a beep..an another beep..the dogs were exhuberant! "Is anyone home? Hello??!"

All of a sudden, over the barking blared an alarm.."CRAP! You guys need to stay in here!" I shut the door and headed back to my truck, the alarm blaring a shrill siren like tone."Great. This could only happen to me." As I left a message on her cell phone, a police cruiser pulled into the driveway. "It was me," I fessed up sheepishly. He didn't really know what to do, so he politely and apologetically asked me for my information as my friend's daughter pulled into the driveway.

"It's okay, I know her," she said. Great.

I am glad the week is over. I tried to turn over a new leaf and be more punctual, instead, I cretaed more stress for myself and others. The worst was having to continually explain myself and admit the errors in my thinking that lead to some bad situations. Funny? Yes. It could only happe to me.

Dreaming About the Future

Okay, so when you get to be my age, it is quite possible that more of your life is behind you then ahead of you. But let's not worry about that. Looking back (briefly) I wish I had paid more atttention to my life in order to take advantage of some of the amazing opportunities that were out there. Like Oprah. But for whatever reason, I did not, or maybe I did exactly what I was supposed to do at the time which led me to right here, right now.

Now I am awake. Kind of. My husband would debate that statement. I appreciate every day and what it brings..and I look at what life throws at me as opportunities. A different point of view perhaps? Who knows. I guess it's kind of a "sieze the day" mentality. I love to take advantage of learning something new, or trying something new. There's a lot of newness out there in the world.

I recently got a new Blackberry. The RIM os is definitely different than Windows Mobile. If I had insisted on being loyal to Windows Mobile, I never would have learned about Google Sync, and Google Mobile, which is a totally fun experience. I had to learn something new, and figure stuff out, and it jump started my brain, and got me thinking (oh, oh) about the future...what do I want to learn next? What am I curious about?

And then I found out yesterday the school district I work for voted (finally) to build a new elementary school. And the wheels started turning...I now have a BIG project-to be a part of a team that plans technology for education far into the future. I can only hope to make a difference in the decisions I help to make and the things I choose to do.

So it's a good thing to be awake. I want to be aware and looking forward to what each day brings. And I want to embrace the little moments that make up each day....and seize them as learning opportunities. And we all know mistakes will be made because that's how learning happens. I am fortunate that my mistakes thus far have helped to forge the person I have become, and I am hoping that's a good thing. But that's another story....

So What is that saying?

This week has felt like one big cliche, or Name That Tune, whichever you prefer. Every now and then, when someone says something, or does something, or I am in a situation, cliche's run through my head, or sometimes it's song lyrics. Does that ever happen to you? And sometimes I laugh to myself, because they are really cheesey and bad.

1. For example, "When one door closes, another one always opens." What I realized is just thinking a door has closed often opens up another door you wouldn't have chosen to open on your own. Surprise! Funny how that works.

2. "It never rains in California..." You know the song. It' s been pouring there,one storm after another. I thought it never rains in California? What happened to the draught?

3. "Be careful what you wish for." Even though I usually don't wish out loud..that would be bad luck...it doesn't matter, wishes are wishes. For years I have wished my husband had weekends off, like normal, working people (retail isn't normal). I got what I wished for. What I forgot to wish for was EVERY weekend. I only got every other weekend. He now gets to WORK every other weekend. So much for that wish. I hate when he works Sunday, now that will be part of the routine. Hopefully this will open a new door. See number 1 above.

4. "Absence makes the heart grow fonder." I don't think that' s true. In my experience, it' s more like, "Out of sight, out of mind." I like to feel independent, and be independent, so it will be a challenge to be independent 2 weekends a month....and not be the control freak I am on the other two, and be happy about it.

5. "That's what friends are for." When someone you care about loses someone they love, no matter when, it sucks. I have friends I need to call.

6. "Pay back is a bitch" and "What goes around, comes around." And it works both ways. I feel I am paying my dues in so many small ways for the errors of my ways and to make up for life's wrong turns and misguided deeds. I do not wish anything on others, because of number 3 above, but you cannot go wrong if you are patient, kind, and thoughtful with others, no matter how annoying they are.

7. "At the car wash.." It's that time of year. I never go to the car wash, but I have this year, twice. The last time I sat in line for 35 minutes thinking, " I cannot believe I am sitting here in line waiting for the car wash.." but it was a Friday afternoon, and it was payday, and my truck was filthy and it was sunny and relatively warm out, so I sat in my truck and inched my way toward the garage door and the when the lady's voice announced" "The wash is available, please enter," I thought, "YAY!"

And so starts another week. Hopefully the voices in my head will not be singing the same old song. I wonder what this week will bring? Stay tuned...

Something's Missing

SO you would think this blog would be about me, losing something, again. After all, I did lock myself out of my truck at McDonald's on Saturday. I didn't even have my phone..all I had was a debit card, so at least I didn't starve. It was like being on some reality show when I had to pick someone I could ask to borrow their phone.Last week I thought I lost my boots AND my sneakers. I even asked them to look through the Lost and Found at the gym. They were in my closet at home the whole time.

Nope, this is about missing pieces; trying to find what' s missing every day, because something must be wrong. Don't get me wrong, I love my job, and I love my people, but something is definitely missing. I could not put my finger on it until I went to a basketball game Friday night just to see my old friend. I knew she would be there, and she was. It was like coming home again, even though we were in Portsmouth, which is definitely not home.

We hugged, we chatted, we tried to catch up. We hadn't seen each other since summer, and in 10 minutes we knew all the important stuff. But more importantly, we connected and it felt good to be with my friend.

"It was hard, at first, with my new team," she said. "I really like them, and all, they're lovely people, and then I finally figured it out. They are just not my friends. I am not working with my friends anymore. But it's okay, it's just different. They are just not my friends, really."

At that moment it was like, AHA. She was so right. And I knew from speaking with others that she had not been happy, that something was different. Something WAS different. I saw her that night for a reason. And then on Sunday I saw 2 more former coworkers, and I realized, sometimes you work with people, and sometimes, if you're lucky, you work with friends.
Sometimes if you work in a place long enough, your people become your friends.

I have been trying to find my friends in the people I work with, and they are just not there. Making friends is not something you can make happen, it just happens. So I will go to work, and be with nice people, friendly people, smart people, and sometimes weirdly funny people, and I will try to fit in somewhere. It is so like being the new kid in school or the new kid in class I cannot even tell you how awkward it feels sometimes. And I will remember working with my friends, but I will no longer try to find them. They are not really missing, they are just missed.

The Dancer Within

How coincidental that ballet came up not once, not twice, but three times in one week! I will take that as a sign. The ballerina goddesses have spoken, once again.

It all began when I was a tiny thing, 8 years old. I would get in my little pink tights and black leotard and my mom would braid my hair and pin it to my scalp, and we would drive to Massachusetts. Up the big stone staircase into the massive hall, where upstairs we would go. Tall ceilings, large windows, warped wooden floors and piano music from an old record player surrounded me as I plie'd and tondu'd and learned all my positions. Practice, practice, practice..until one day, the chimney on the century old brick building fell through the ceiling and ruined the studio.

Fast forward to the studio behind the fish market. Every Friday we would make the trek to Massachusetts and get out of the car to the welcome aroma of fish and chips. But no time for snacks! The studio, now in the back room of a fish market had shiny new wooden floors, floor to ceiling barre lined mirrors on two walls, and a new sound system. There were no chairs for parents to watch. That was my routine. On the way out we would get a coca cola from the cooler. Week after week, year after year. Once a year we would get measured in earnest for our dance recital costumes: tape measures and tutus, shoe dye, matching tights, and headpieces; hairspray and hairpins...Andover High School...prisoners waiting to go on stage under the bright lights.

There were the ballet shoes, tap shoes, and pointe. I was so tiny my first pointe shoes were still baby size 13.But I was strong, and my feet were the right shape and that' sall that mattered.
The older I got, the harder it all became to leave my friends and fun and sports to drive to the studio. As the demands on my time increased, my enthusiasm decreased. And then one day, I had had enough. I marched across that wooden floor to Mrs. Clay and announced, "I have decided to play sports instead of dance." And that was that.

Until college. When I decided if I had to take a PE class, I would take dance. It was Showdance, and it was hard. I had not danced in 5 years and my body was not in shape. But I did it and decided, Showdance was not for me. I liked the practice, and I liked the rehearsals, I did not like the show.

Back in those days you needed 4 PE classes, or some sort of physical activity class each of your four years in college! One semester I took belly dancing. That was really, really hard.

And then after I got married, I went back to ballet once again. I came very close to becoming a certified dance instructor, but I had 3 babies and no life. My dance class was my one night a week to get out and exercise and forget about everything, and remember the dance.

And then, just like that, I stopped dancing. But I loved ballet. I went to the ballet, I listened to Tchaikovsky and Prokofiefv and I helped sew costumes for Portsmouth Ballet Company.

Fast forward to last week. Ballet came up in a random note, and I remembered driving to Beacon Hill and working with a choreographer from the Boston Ballet to get ready for our annual dance recital. It was my final season and I was 13 years old. Last week I also saw a newspaper article on a colleagues desk and there it was, the name "Edra Toth."

"The ballerina?" I asked incredulously. "Why, do you know her?"

And then I shared my ballet story...and Edra Toth, who was a prima ballerina for the Boston Ballet when I was a little girl, and throughout my years of dance she was THE Ballerina. I had not thought of her since I was 13. Edra was 13 when her family left Budapest , Hungary fleeing for their lives in the 1950's when the Soviet Union invaded their tiny country to squelch a revolution.

"She has a studio in Somersworth!" My head was spinning, how could this be? And then this week I met Edra. She came into the office and I was brought in to meet her. I told her how I saw her dance years ago and that I had taken ballet lessons forever when I was younger. I told her how much I admired her, and she was humbled, and very kind. Do you have any idea how amazing it is to meet your childhood idol? It is even more amazing 40 years later when you are closer in age and can appreciate the lives that have been lived.

"You must come to the studio," she said, "you are never too old to dance." And then before she left she gave me a big hug and said, "I will see you at the studio."
And that is my story. And it could be called, one more reason I came to Somersworth.

I am getting used to it. Call it fate, call it karma. Whatever it is, I accept it and it has made my life richer.

Winter is soooo long

Enough already. I am ready for Spring and the beginning of things. Winter is monochromatic..gray scale. Every day I hope for just a tiny splash of color and brightness. Today Bill wore an orange tie-I know why. The other Principals made fun of him, as they laughed at their own bad jokes sitting there in their gray and tweedy suits and white shirts and ties that were equally monochromatic. And then in walks Bill with his orange tie with blue and green and white stripes. I know why he wore it.

It is February. And yesterday was Groundhog Day. It feels like the movie. Every day I wake up and it's the same day all over again-the same gray sky, the same english muffin, the same junk email, the same "Good morning" when I walk in the door at work.None of it is bad-it's just the same. I want it to be different-for just a day. To break things up in this long, oh so long winter.

You've heard of stay at home moms perhaps? Or maybe a stay at home dad? I have a stay at home daughter. Yep. I have a daughter who has decided, although subconsciously, to be a stay at home daughter. I guess she has no plans to go to work, or go to school, or prepare herself for a life of independence, because she is working very hard at sleeping until afternoon, and not working. I cannot fathom what the attraction is in just "staying at home," but I think i t is an interesting phenomenon. I wonder if it has anything to do with the oh so long winter. maybe she's really a bear and she's hibernating? Or maybe she's a groundhog and when she comes out from beneath the covers and she does not see her shadow, she just goes back to bed until Spring.

So...another 6 weeks of this gray scale, monochromatic, black and white silhouette of a landscape. I miss my blue sky, my green leaves, my green grass, the sailboats in the bay, and the sun reflecting off my shiny red truck. I am ready. I am now counting down.

Let's Hear It For the Boys

Guys more sensitive than girls? Really? Oh yes, definitely. In an earlier post I described how strong and independent the women in my family are, and I really thought the men in our lives were the only wimps, but I retract that.

After some reflection, I really think I have to admit that guys in general are sensitive souls, with hearts that are holding thoughts that women cannot possibly imagine. It's true. Women are more dramatic about their feelings, most of the time, although I do personally know some male drama queens. For the most part though, guys like to appear in control and in charge. But do not assume they are independent and aloof. That is an illusion.

Guys have feelings. Guys are sensitive and needy and they care what women think. Guys often miss the boat, however, because they do not share their feelings. Unlike women who share everything with everyone, good and bad, guys somehow think women can read their minds. My favorite line is, "Well, in the back of my mind I was thinking...." Here's a newsflash...there really is no such thing as x-ray vision. If something is hanging out in the back of your mind, then you better get it to the front of your mind and out of your mouth if you want anybody to listen.

So guys have feelings, who knew? What I like about guys is that they are guys, and not girls. You expect your girlfriends to vent and share and spew and tattle, and gush, and gossip and get over it. You do not expect this from guys..and you really only get what amounts to a volcanic eruption if guys' feelings are really hurt. Remember..they like to stay in control and remain in control, and they do not let their feelings erupt to the surface unless it all gets to be too much.

So, hang out with the guys if you want..but be forewarned. If you are insensitive to those hidden feelings, and you do not have x-ray vision into the back of their minds, their feelings will be hurt, eventually. And if you are lucky enough, you will never know it. But if you waken the sleeping giant and the volcano erupts, be prepared...

Wordle

Here is a picture of The Clipboard. It is a Word Cloud. If you were to take all the words I have used in my blog and create an image based on how many times a word is used, the words used most often would appear larger. Although the image is not that big, and a little grainy, it is easy to see what words I used the most.

Try it! Go to http://www.wordle.net

True Confessions

Okay, so now that you got me thinking about 30 years ago, and some, not all, of the cobwebs are gone, there are some interesting and quite possibly entertaining events to write about. And I thought all my ideas had vanished! Suddenly, there's a whole new decade to write about!

But high school. What can you say about 4 very swift years except, it is truly a miracle I live to tell about it. I guess I did everything you would find typical of a high school student: I played sports until I felt I had to choose between one group of friends and another-and I chose the wrong group. I was in the school play, until my senior year when it was not cool to be part of that group. I had good friends for three years who wondered why I suddenly stopped hanging out with them. I honestly barely remember my senior year..sadly, I missed out on some defining moments, I'm sure.

Cool stuff happened, like Alan B Shepard (yes, the astronaut) spoke at our Freshman dance. Funny stuff happened all the time...mostly because my French teacher was the football coach and half his team was in my class so they could pass in order to play.Or when I tried to run winter track. I hate to run. I used to go out for my run and have friends pick me up half way. I tried to run hurdles, except I was way too short, and it looked more like a hop over the hurdles rather than a graceful stride.
Sports were big, I tried out for cheerleading but pulled a muscle in my back during try-outs. I tried out for basketball but before the final cut was made, the coach, who was also my math teacher, told me they had enough guards. Tough Luck.
Dumb stuff happened-mostly when I skipped school-like the time I skipped school and forgot I was being inducted into the National Honor Society that night. Oops!
I was good on the outside, and got good grades, just like I was supposed to, but I had this streak of irresponsibility and rebelliousness that still exists to this day.

Do I have regrets? Some...but things turned out okay.
Thank goodness we all grow up eventually and find our way in the world. Sometimes it takes a little while to figure out the road you're on is a dead end. Sometimes you just need to have patience and faith and stay the course..traveling just a little bit further down that road than you want to. And sometimes, just sometimes, it's enough to follow your heart to get to your dream.

Where were you 30 years ago?

So although it was unexpected, it was inevitable. With the advent of Facebook and Myspace and myclassmates.com, it was not a matter of if, but when. When would my past catch up with me?
It's not like it's outrageous and unusual, but it was, after all 30 years ago. Thirty years is a long time! Thank goodness most people change and grow and learn as the years go by. Unfortunately, an equal number of unfortunate souls consider their high school years the highlight of their life.

Here's where the curiosity factor weighs in. What on earth would posses someone to make contact with a classmate thirty years later? Well, a prom date and friend.. Okay, so that in itself is not really so unusual. What is unusual is how totally oblivious I was to how I was being perceived as I lived and learned throughout my high school years.

I do remember I hated the whole prom thing. It was not cool to go with your friends-girls or guys, and I had lots of friends who were guys. Guys who were your friends thought someone else was asking you. The whole thing was just stressful. Everyone ended up pretty miserable, whether you went or stayed home. I went. I should have stayed home.

SO, let's go back in time for a brief moment...I dare say there are an awful lot of cobwebs to be cleared..but I had friends, lots of friends, many girls, guys, and many who ended up marrying each other and who knows where they are today? Sometimes I wonder about some of them, but certainly there were too many acquaintances to keep track of.

SO then I find out 30 years later one of my friends thought he was more than a friend and he regrets not sharing this with me all these years!

Why would someone actually share this thirty years later? Maybe it is part of some therapy or something, like Dr. Phil. It is a total mystery and I cannot fathom all the poor souls out there I thought I couldn't live without and clearly, since I cannot even remember their names, I guess I can easily live without them. Those whose names I do recall will never hear from me, that's for sure. It is both intriguing and interesting and absurd, all at once.

So if there is a lesson in all this it is that I have probably not changed all that much. I still have lots of friends; sometimes I am totally oblivious, and that's probably a good thing; and my life is full of surprises. I try not to take myself too seriously, and in doing so, perhaps my intentions are misperceived. The people in my life I care deeply about, and the people I have not seen in or heard from in 30 years, well, not so deeply. I am curious, but not that curious.

Thirty years? Evidently it is not long enough to erase the past completely. Thirty years is an eternity and an instant. What you say and do and how you treat people today,will be remembered 30 years from now. Count on it.

So how did I do?

So I thought it would be fun to go back to 2008 and look at my to do list and see how I did....Here' s the list I drafted on December 23 last year..

Go to Foxborough Stadium...that will stay on THE LIST.
Well, I actually DID go to Foxborough Stadium-Gillete Field...but it was during the off season..does that count? I think it does...we drove into the parking lot on our way back from NJ last spring, and saw Patriot Place almost built...we were the only ones there..kinda cool; we buzzed around the parking lot..I was super impressed and vowed to come back to actually see the Pats play. Maybe next year....

Join the Wine of the Month Club
Nope, didn't do that..does drinking wine throughout the month count? I did manage to ship myself some fantastic wine from Temeculah in June when we went out to San Diego for the USGA Open. Still have a couple bottles left....apparently, there are some very strict rules about shipping alcohol to NH.....who knew?

Go to Foxwoods to play golf
Nope..but I did get to Mohegan Sun..just to compare...don't go on a weekend!! What a zoo!! I think I prefer Foxwoods..now I want to go the new MGM Grand Hotel. Maybe someday soon....

Break 100 .
I tried too soon..before I was in condition...hence, I injured myself and continued to play. I am now in therapy and plan to be back better than ever.
Buy a Macbook Pro
Changed my mind and got a new Dell XPS instead. I still drool over the Macbook Pro..but I am happy with my XPS.
redecorate my Library (is that what I am calling it now?)
I bought the paint!! This winter....I promise...
photograph more....
Yay!! I DID this...not consistently, but overall, a definite improvement.
digitize analogue tapes
I now have a friend with a DVR...so this will get done! We did one..it's the infamous 1 year old Cole in a snowsuit falling on his head. Ouch!
digitize family photos
I have a stack..and I re-loaded my HP software so I can now scan. Evidently Vista uninstalls this software randomly some time after it is installed..but once that mystery was solved..we had scanning!!!
introduce TED !!
I have a wiki..does that count? And a website...and an LLC license...and a graphic artist to design a logo and business cards....baby steps
party more !!
Yes....although when you really didn't party much at all, anything is more..this should say, enjoy life more!!
complain less !!
Yes!! But you would have to ask the people who know me and love me....maybe it's the new job???

So there you have it..lots of things still on the list..lots of goals, lots of plans. 2009 promises to be fun, exciting, and challenging. One thing is for sure, I am grateful for my health and my ability to get up every day and face life's big and little challenges; I am grateful for my family and friends; and I will try to live each day with a sense of purpose and accomplishment.

Happy New Year everyone!!!