I hate endings

I hate when I finish a really good book, or a really great movie. What's good about books and movies is that you can replay, rewind, and do it all aover again. Not so with life. Life is different. I am becoming very aware that there have been a lot of endings in my life-some good, some bad. I guess that's what comes when you move on through life. More endings than beginnings at times. This is one of those times.

The list of new goals, hopes and dreams needs to be rewritten. I am feeling really lazy right now, or is it tired and drained? I guess endings is a little harsh, and I should, instead think accomplishments. Completed tasks, jobs, missions accomplished.

What is hard to swallow is the end of teamwork, relationships, and comraderie. Some of it was my choice as I moved on to different challenges and adventures. I never really considered the people I left behind. Now I know what it feels like. The one being left behind. I guess it feels like a captain going down with the ship. That's probably why I feel like I'm drowning. I am torn between that sense of responsibility for a sinking, floundering vessel, and making sure all my passengers get out safely, and jumping ship before the last life boat leaves.

So every day brings me closer to my ship being sucked into the ocean's black vortex from which there apparently is no escape. And yet I feel like there is nothing I can do but sing Amazing Grace and have faith that I will get out of this alive.

The burning of Rome, the sinking of the Titanic, the sinking of Atlantis, big endings. Lots of accomplishments, but buried beneathe rubble for years. What a waste.

So forgive me if I need to stay with the ship just a bit longer. I cannot concentrate on a new beginning right now, with so many goodbyes.